Confused

[Paradigm1607307567]

I'm in a situation right now and I'd really really like some input, even if it's criticism. It's a long story. Everything that I tell is completely unbiased.

 

So, I am happily engaged to a wonderful woman. We are both the same age. She just graduated with her BA and is going to be a teacher. I am going into law enforcement. Here is our story.

 

We met last summer. We both came out of long prior relationships. I was over mine, and she was close to being over hers. Well, the first 3 months were hell. I almost left her because she would still talk to him and admitted once to still having feelings. However, I truly fell in love with the real her. She is pure. I love everything about her. I decided to be by her side through the sh** storm and lead by example. Well, it all paid off. We got through it unscathed and I proposed. I spent ALL my money and rented a yacht in California. It's a 12 hour drive. I bought her a $2,000 dollar ring and proposed in the middle of the Pacific at sunset.

 

I'm flat broke now, but seeing that rock on her finger makes it all worth it. Now, by now means am I well off and into material things. I spent my entire savings on this one time deal. I treat my fiancee like a queen. I devote all the energy I have into making her happy. For awhile, we were perfectly in sync. We are both Mormon, so church is a big deal. We were spiritually and physically complete. We don't have pre marital sex, drink, smoke, curse, etc. I used to. But I put down the bottle the day she told me she wanted a husband who was completely morally and physically pure. I stopped smoking, drinking, cursing, going out, sex, all in one day. Anyway, my point is that I love her more than anything. I would give my own life for her if I had to. All my life I've wanted nothing more than to marry and have a family and a house. I don't really care where I work, as long as it supports them. Luckily I landed a good job that I enjoy going to.

 

We have a house picked out, a wedding date set, we both have new cars and new jobs, and I'm ready to rock and roll. The contents of my heart, my head, and my body are all in order and I'm extremely happy.

 

Here is what's happening. Let me weave a bit more back story. I used to be in the Army. I was on a training deployment (stateside) for two months until I got injured. I got a medical discharge and I'm a full time civi now. Well, the time frame where everything was perfect was before I left (about 2 1/2 months ago). I came home 3 weeks ago and everything has slowly rolled downhill. Lately I've noticed that she is not happy around me anymore. I confronted her today and she tells me that she doesn't think she is over her past relationship. The relationship that was a YEAR ago. We were happy for so LONG. This completely came form left field. And I would know if anything like this came up before. I am extremely perceptive, especially of her emotions. I sensed something was out of place, but not this!!! She assures me the wedding is still on, and that she is still happy. But I'm still reeling from the news!

 

She even told me:

"Honey, you treat me like a queen. You do everything for me and you've never done anything to make me unhappy. You are perfect. I don't know why I feel like this."

 

I just looked at her blankly for awhile and finally said... "I waited for you before, I'll stay by your side now. I am not going anywhere and I'll support you however you need me to, even though I don't understand what you're doing..."

 

What else do I say to that? Supporting her while she has feelings for someone else is TORTURE. I put myself through it before because I love her. I will do it again..... But what is going on? Am I missing something?

[flower99]

what's going on???

from my perspective, I'd say premarital jitters.

Not much to worry about, however, I may not rush the wedding yet. be sure thats all it is. If it was a long term relationship, she may need more time.

I got premarital jitters/cold feet the more I thought about the wedding (I'm engaged) I began looking back at past relationships questioning & wondering. I couldn't understand why I was, because my finacee is wonderful, perfect for me. After rethinking everything...I was sure again....certain he was the one.

 

she seems loves you & appreciates you. that's wonderful you're so understanding, she may just need a bit more time to be certain she is ready.

[spunkmaster]

I get the same way sometimes. I'm completely in love with my fiancee; he literally is the half that makes me whole. BUT...there's always that little nagging "what if" in the back of my mind. And then I reflect back on previous relationships, and on my current one, and then I realize..."what in the world am I thinking?"

 

If they are exes, it is undoubtedly for a reason. Keep that in mind, and maybe gently point that out to her as well. Settling down is a scary thought to a lot of people. It's natural to want to be absolutely sure.