I have a big problem with me Ex.

[eve2000]

Hey Everyone,

I need advice big time. I broke up with my ex last year. During that year he was trying to get back with me and I told him that I only have feeling for him as a friend. I would treat him real bad everynow and then but we were still having an intimate relationship. Last Valentine's Day he send me flowers at work. At that time I was dating someone else and I let him know. That's when he gave up and started dating someone else. But he never told me. When that guy that I was dating broke my heart, I went to my ex for confort. That's when I started having feelings for him again. He said his feeling for me never left. We went to San Diego for a romantic weekend and that when he asked me if I want to give it another try. I didn't want to say yes cause I thought it was saying yes for the wrong reasons. So that's when he gave up and started opening his heart for the other girl. When I found out about her I confronted him and he said that he'll stop talking to her if I tell him that I love him and we'll get back together. I said yes and we where a couple so I thought. A week later he came to town(oh by the way he lives in up north and I live in the south of california) he started acting weired I told him what was wrong and he said that he doesn't know who he wants. We broke up and he's been sending me on an emotional rollercoster ever since. After buging him for three months I decided to stop calling him but I miss him so much I don't know what to do I've been so depressed. Would he ever come back to me? Or is going to stick with her since I gave up on him. But if I didn't stop now he was going to step all over me. Please help.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I don't think you're going to get him back. He gave everything he had to you and you wouldn't return it. He's finally made himself move on and once he's done that he won't be able to make himself come back even if for some reason he wanted to. I'm pity shore that the pain he went through from having unreturned feelings for you is more that he can bring himself to over come. I'm shore that you can have a wonderful friendship, but you probably missed your chance to have anything more. He can't be with you without remembering what he put himself through.

[eve2000]

Thanks,

I have another question. Why does he still say that he loves me but he does not know who to chose. Thats when I knew he was playing games and wanted to keep the both of us secretly.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I think he does still love you, and that's not going to change. How he looks at things has changed though. It's a choice that he has made, and I kinda feel sorry for both of you now. All you can do is give it time and see if he starts to not like how he's changed. If he doesn't start going back to his old self in a couple months than he's not going to. I personally don't think he will. The way he has started to look at love is less painful, but very shallow. I think he loved you deeply and got hurt. He's not going to let that happen again for a while.

[jacobs]

hes not playing games with you...hes afraid you will dump him again when you become bored with the relationship,just like you did the last time.i really dont think that you are ready for a commitment.all you seem to be concerned about are your needs and feelings.

[Orchids1]

To Eve2000,

 

I think your REAL problem is that you can't stand the competition. if i read you correctly, at one point you said that you were not sure about taking him back. A real love will not be wishy-washy like this. it is either there, or not there. I think you need to really check yourself out and examine why it is that all of a sudden, he seems so desirable to you. in the end, i think you'll find out that you're truly not in love. you just want to win!

[jacobs]

thats what i was trying to say.....what orchids said..lol.

eve,you shouldnt play with peoples emotions,because at the end of the day it will just be you.....please dont take offense,im nobody to judge.ive learned that you get what you give....

[waitinvain]

Eve,

 

You don't deserve him. You had your chance and you blew it. You treated him like a schmuck, hurt him badly and he has had to force himself to move on. You put him through more pain that you will ever know. You now serve as a reminder to him of that pain.

 

When you dumped him and moved on, you didn't stop to consider how much you'd broken his heart, yet when the same thing happened to you, you went to the person you'd previously crushed and rejected. Namely him. The man is a saint for even being there for you. By all rights you should have had to deal with that without him, just as he had to deal with your rejection of him without you.

 

Take from this what you can and don't treat the next person like you did him. What goes around, comes around.

 

I hate to say this, but you've got what was coming to you.

 

My EX is doing the same thing to me now. She's doing the old friend routine while she goes off with other guy/s, playing me like a peasant while she plays the field until she gets what she wants and moves on again. You do so much damage emotionally to people by treating them this way. He gave you all he had to give, and it wasn't enough for you. Why on earth should he take you back now.

 

Do him a favour and let him live his life now. He's suffered enough because of you.

 

I don't want to sound harsh, but that's the truth. The truth hurts, just as you hurt him. How could he ever trust that you werent' going to hurt him in the same way again? He'd always be insecure in a relationship with you now, as he'd have to protect his feelings. You've hurt him once, but he's survived. He's managed to move on and get over you as best he could. If he took you back and you hurt him again, you'd destroy him. Do the right thing and leave him be.

 

Good luck for the future. Remember, "you only get what you give" and "you don't know what you had until it has gone". See this as a lesson Eve. Karma always comes back to bite you on the a*s. Use it as a time to grow as a person, and stop to think about other peoples emotions and feelings instead of just your own. Work on becoming less selfish as a person and you will find everything more rewarding. Men need to feel appreciated. If you only care about yourself, then in the end you will never have a truly happy life with a good person. You will end up with somebody that either treats you badly or is a lapdog, and you don't want that.

 

Instead of rejecting people when you get bored with them, try and think of ways to spice up your relationship. Long term love is much more rewarding than infatuation or that "new feeling". Operate on a higher level.

 

Sorry if I sound a bit lecturing above, but I'm saying it how I see it. I do wish you all the best, but try to look at how you've been and don't treat the next guy like it. Nobody deserves to be treated like a peasant when they love you. Nobody.

 

Take yourself off that pedestal....

[eve2000]

Thanks for the advice,

Yes, I learnd my lesson. I did hurt him alot. But I know their was a reason why I was doing those things. I came to know that he was cheating on me when we where a couple. And also when he was trying to work things out with me. At least I let him know eveything up front and he didn't. He had me fooled telling me I was the only one. It has been a week since I last talked to him. Two days ago he talked to my friend to see how I was doing and he told her that he didn't want to talk to me until he knows what he really wants. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't care. Whatever that means. But I and just building hate for what he did to me.