Confused

[Crazyhorse]

Hi, I don't really know where to start with this and it's very long so thank you to anyone who reads it. A year ago I started chatting to a girl from the other side of the world online and we grew closer and closer, she confessed to me that she lived with somebody, they had been boyfriend and girlfriend but hadn't had a physical relationship in two years, slept in separate rooms ect. and were together still as best friends but everyone still thought that they were a couple. They had been together for 8 years.She has had a lot of bad experiences in her life (family illness & deaths etc.) and has been through them all with him, so obviously they've been through a lot together and are close. She was telling me she was unhappy though and we got very close. We ended up meeting up for two weeks, both flying accross the world to meet halfway. We hit it off completely and I fell for her and she told me she loves me and I love her. The next few months we were in constant contact (phone, email, text, MSN etc.) despite the huge time difference, she stayed up until the early hours of the morning to talk. We decided we would like to be together and would try to figure something out. The ex-boyfriend was then offered a job in another country (about an hours flight from me) and he took it. She moved over with him and since she's moved over she has visited me every month for a couple of weeks including over xmas.

 

In January she came over and moved into my place and we have been living together ever since. She's only on a vistor visa so only has 6 months which will run out in June and we have spoken a number of times about what we will

do then and she has said she isn't sure whether she wants to stay here or go back home. She has said though that she loves me and is happy with me and wants us to be together. I told her if need be I'd be prepared to move to her

home country with her and she (I'm not sure if joking or not) asked me if I'd be prepared to marry her if that's what it would take for her to stay here. I said I would and I was actually serious. One thing is for sure though she will have to go back home for a while.

 

Anyway, she has always been in contact with her ex while she is here (she says they are best friends but I've a feeling she's not told him the complete truth about me and her) and a lot of her stuff is still there (furniture, CD's, books etc.). He has just been offered a job (a really good, very high paid job) back in their home country and has taken it and will be going back in a few weeks. I know that he expects her to go back with him. She's told me before that he wants her back and still loves her and she's told me that she loves him but she's "IN" love with me.

 

We were talking and she said she'd go back with him and then make arrangements for us to be together while she is there. I'm fairly sure though that she's been telling him they'll go back together and they'll make a go of it again. I overheard her saying to him "As for our relationship, we can only try our best and we must work really hard at it". I can't tell her I overheard her conversation though. Part of me wonders if she's trying to let him down gently and is planning on going back with him and then saying after a few weeks that she doesn't feel things are working, or the other way around, that she doesn't want to break things off with me face to face and that she'll avoid me or tell me via email. I asked her if she'd go back with him and she says she'd go back to get a visa and to sort her stuff out (or to find a place for us to live) but they wouldn't get back together. She says I shouldn't worry and she says if she wanted to be with him then she wouldn't be here with me now. I'm just really confused by it all. I love her so much and she says she loves me. It certainly seems she does, she tells me often and while I'm at work she texts me all day saying she misses me and when we're together everything is so nice and feels so good. We make each other so happy and the physical side to our relationship is amazing. All my friends like her and say they can see how much she loves me. Maybe I'm being silly, I don't know. I'm just scared to death of losing her. I don't know why I posted this I guess I just wanted to get my feelings down in writing maybe. Anyway, thanks to anyone who reads this.

[Rachelle]

That was looooong. I hate to say it but this girl sounds wishy-washy to me. As far as I'm concerned, you can't trust someone who hasn't made up their mind as to who they want to be with. If I were you, I wouldn't waste my time waiting to see who she'll end up with in the end. I'd be saying it's either me or him. And give a timeframe for her to make a decision. There are other women out there who you could fall for just as easily as her.

[askauntamy]

You're not broken up until you're broken up. She hasn't broken up with him, and she needs to if you want a relationship. I agree with Rachelle, she does sound wishy washy.

 

Give her the ultimatum: him or you. If she doesn't make a choice, make one for her.