eskimomo Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I've just been reading the Mistakes thread... Really good idea! But it made me wonder: is it really so bad to keep in touch with the ex's family members and friends? I've been talking to my ex's mum online a lot. She's always been really supportive and kind to me, and I find it really calming to talk to her as she's been through a lot in life and is so relaxed about everything. I also talk to friends I made through the ex now and then, again just via IM. They're 'his' friends, but I spent a lot of time with them when I was living with him. Do you think this is really setting me back so much? I think I could give up most of the friends, but I'd feel pretty weird if I couldn't talk to my ex's mum any more. Link to comment
rose2summer Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I think that you cannot truly heal until you break contact with him, his family, and his friends. It's only hurting you by keeping that connection, because you are providing a constant stimulus of him in your brain, which will naturally retrieve old memories you have stored away in your file cabinets. Empty out the file cabinets so you can heal and move on. Remember she's his mom, so she is bound to side with him at some point in time. I tried staying in touch with an ex's mom once and she turned from super sweet to "I don't think Rose comes from a family like ours" aka meaning, I was of a lesser class. Well, their loss, but my point is that this can ONLY hurt you. It's a breakup because it's broken. We are here for you, turn to us instead of his close ones. Hugs, Rose Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Keeping in contact with your ex-es mom can only hold you back from the true healing you need and deserve. As hard as it is, it's time to let her go, with best wishes. Dan on Long Island. Link to comment
Dr.Amore Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I agree stay away your not accomplishing anything by keeping in touch. I know its hard but you have to be strong. Link to comment
eskimomo Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 We don't always talk about the relationship, tho... often she just asks me about my job-hunt or we talk about her dog and stuff. And when I've been feeling down, she's been really great at reminding me that everything will be fine and that my ex doesn't hate me or think I'm a bad person. Is there some kind of middle road, like keeping in occasional contact but being strict with myself and not asking about my ex or talking about him? I genuinely think she's a lovely woman and I imagine her being on my Christmas card list in the future or whatever (I don't actually have a Christmas card list, but if I ever do...) Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I was very close with my ex's parents, because they have treated me as their son the last 4 years. They took great care of my and during the breakup we grew extremely close. Her mother and I talked several times a week and she was the one person I could truly lean on. Her parents were scared of who their daughter had become and hated what she had done to me. They wanted the best for their daughter, and still feel that is me. Even though it was great to talk to her mom, it had it's drawbacks. Her parents took my side, and turned against their daughter. She felt this and is rebelling harder against them. She wants to prove them wrong. She is now moving out to get away from them and the memories of me. (She is running from all of her problems) Talking since starting NC, I have been limiting myself to 1 call a week. Her parents have been good to me, so I like to check up, but her mom always tells me about my ex, and I learn things that hurt me in the end. It is causing me more pain and hurt, and I don't need it. I want to move on with my life, and although I love my ex and her parents, I have to do this for myself. Maybe after my ex moves out, I may meet her parents at church once a month, just to see them. I need time. Link to comment
eskimomo Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 It's funny, hearing this from you has made me doubt my motives for keeping in touch with my ex's mum... like, yes, she's lovely, but I don't really need to be speaking to her 2 or 3 times a week and it kind of puts her in an awkward position. I read some of your old posts and to be honest it sounds like your ex has been very unkind and irresponsible. I can see why her parents might feel embarrassed and want to smooth things over with you, but I think with everything on your plate you shouldn't be having to worry about them at the moment... Tell you what, let's both seriously cut down on the time we spend talking to our respective exes' families. It will be a fun way to jazz up the whole NC thing... it's getting a bit too easy... How about it? *extends hand to shake on it* .... Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Tell you what, let's both seriously cut down on the time we spend talking to our respective exes' families. It will be a fun way to jazz up the whole NC thing... it's getting a bit too easy... How about it? *extends hand to shake on it* .... *shaking back* Sounds like a deal. I need to add it to my no contact. It's been harder for me to not talk to her mom than it has to not talk to my ex. I don't want to talk to my ex, but I miss that connection with her mom. To me, it wasn't just losing the person I loved most, but I lost part of my family. The only family I have here in Chicago. When you talk to your ex's parents you must post here and confess. Sound good? Link to comment
eskimomo Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Ha! Yes. Good idea... Let's see who cracks first... Link to comment
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