Dumping a friend?

[flower99]

How do you break up with a friend? Should you have a 'break up" conversation or just avoid them?

 

When you just don't feel like there is a frienship left. And yet they are still calling & emailing occasionally....giving you reasons that you should go out for supper & get together.It's been 7 months since you last saw her, since you last phoned her. You have replied to some emails but now she sent an email saying we MUSt go out & she a secret to tell.

But you just don't feel comfortable around her anymore and You don't feel like you can talk to her. You feel you have grown apart, very distant & don't feel I can share anything with her. So the idea of going out for supper, really doesn't appeal....It feels akward already.

 

What do you say or do? do i go & hear what her secret? & pretend to be close? do I have the break up conversation? or avoid them...not reply back to the phone calls or the email?

[LBP]

If you were in their shoes, how would you like someone to tell you something of this nature? Would you like to be ignored until you went away? Or would you like them to be honest with you, one way or the other?

 

I suspect whatever your answer to this question will be the answer to your own.

[flower99]

If you were in their shoes, how would you like someone to tell you something of this nature? Would you like to be ignored until you went away? Or would you like them to be honest with you, one way or the other?

 

I suspect whatever your answer to this question will be the answer to your own.

 

Oh I've totally ran this threw in my head

Myself, I would prefer to be avoided, than I'd take the hint & not have to be told. Because I think that would hurt a lot to be told. And if I just get avoided I can make up reasons in my head to soften the blow and be okay it with it.

 

But honestly If I were in her shoes, I would have noticed the signs-being that I haven't called her or gotten together with her in 7 months.

in my history of friends, when someone avoids me like that, I pick up on it & don't persue them anymore. Because I'd feel like i was pushing myself on them (I guess I may have mislead her when I did reply to a couple emails, but i did keep them short & brief)

so being her, I'm not sure what i would prefer at this point...that's why I'm asking.... what do you think?

[bacci]

I think it depends on how close of a friendship you had and for how long. I would prefer to be told that you no longer feel like investing more in that relationship, perhaps you just grew apart or something changed and at the moment you feel uncomfortable in the relationship. I would be honest, respectful and try to be tactful, but just postponing the inevitable confrontation might have undesirable effects. ie.she might increase her efforts to renew the friendship.

[lady00]

My opinion on ending friendships is that it's one of those things where you just stop calling and stop hanging out and hope the person takes the hint. Sometimes "friends" are just bad for you and its kind of strange to me to have to "break up" with a friend. I mean, I think it's very different from a relationship in which a break up is expected. I think with friendships, if a friend is not good for you, you don't owe him/her an explanation, especially if it would be too hard to explain or if they wouldn't understand.

[flower99]

Thank you so much for your replies.

Yeah, lady00 That's how it's always worked for me. just stop calling & hanging out..... but she's not getting the hint.

 

I think it's doing exactly Bacci said, It's increaseing her efforts to renew the friendship.

 

So It's down to I either ignore her request to go for supper & share this secret with me, which she may just continue & continue? or tell her the truth? (i've never done that before when 'dumping' (lack of better word) a friend) which I'm thinking I may have to do.

do I do it in person or in email (reply to her email requesting a get together)? what kind of response should I expect? or ignore the email, like I never reiceve the email, even though she knows i have I check it daily at work.

 

I feel so mean, but I know it's meaner pretending that we are still tight friends.

[flower99]

Can I get more opinions.....so far it's 50/50 on what I should do

1 vote speak up

1 vote avoid

What do the rest of you think??? what would you do? or would you prefer done to you?

[scotty77]

Sometimes "friends" are just bad for you and its kind of strange to me to have to "break up" with a friend. I mean, I think it's very different from a relationship in which a break up is expected. I think with friendships, if a friend is not good for you, you don't owe him/her an explanation, especially if it would be too hard to explain or if they wouldn't understand.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I agree,sometimes people eventually discover that so and so isn't the kind of person that you want to be friends with anymore.I had a friend who shoplifted constantly and seemed to get in trouble with the law a lot .I just decided it wasn't a wise move to be friends with him,as time went on I increasingly found him arrogant and cocky[which I am not].I just withdrew,no more calls or contact.

[deathreaper]

Give her "Its not you its me"

[flower99]

Give her "Its not you its me"

 

lol

thank you, that made me laugh

[deathreaper]

lol

thank you, that made me laugh

 

 

It never fails, Ive found that they really just dont expect that...its even worked when ive had to turn down unattractive girls. No easier way to handle it and i dont feel any guilt afterwards.

 

Sometimes i compare myself to George Costanza from Seinfeld

[prettydance]

Just avoid her, dont call her back, or email her back, just total avoidance. After some time she'll go away.

Why dont you like her anymore btw?