loveisgone Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I am so confused and lost at this point and I feel like I have no other options anymore. I think about suicide all the time and I made myself promise that I would wait at least a year, but it is getting harder and harder to do so. Bottom line is, I want love. I want it so badly, and yet I just cannot seem to find it. Instead, I seem to have heartbreak after heartbreak, and I don't know why. I am not a bad person: I'm pretty, funny, fun to be around, I have lots of friends, and lots going for me. I'm not saying this to brag, I'm merely trying to point out that I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. What makes matters worse is that there are plenty of guys who want to go out with me, I do get asked out quite a bit, in fact I tend to get guys who obsess with me and call me all the time, email me all the time, etc, even after I politely tell them I am not interested. It just hurts me because I get "why on earth are you still single" from guys all the time, it's just from the ones I'm not interested in. Now you are probably next going to tell me to give them a chance, and I do try, but if you aren't attracted to a person then you just aren't. Also I do not believe in "settling." Usually I will give a guy around two-three dates, and if in the end I still don't feel anything, I break it off. The guys I'm interested in, (when I actually find them) however, seem to want nothing to do with me. I don't tend to pick "bad" guys, or jerks, so I don't think that is the problem. I don't come on too strong or too cold, I just seem to have an unbreakable streak of bad luck. My first serious relationship, cheated on me, refuses to pay back a large amount of money which I have lent him, pretended he had changed and as a consequence we got back together, then almost drove me to suicide when he harshly broke up with me just as I was starting to trust him again, and basically walked all over me. The next person I seriously liked seemed to return my feelings until he abruptly left me for his ex, (and they are still going strong), and there have been people in between, I am trying to give people a chance, but I just haven't found a strong connection. Every guy since then who I have been really interested in either A) has a girlfriend already or B) wants nothing to do with me. I can't figure it out. Last night I brought up my courage and asked out someone I was interested in at a party, and he seemed totally interested and promised he'd call this afternoon (he even set a reminder on his phone!), but he hasn't called yet. I am so miserable. I want love so badly, I feel like everything else in my life is going great, but the one thing I want the most is the one thing I can't seem to get. I can't find guys I'm interested in, and when I do, it never works. I try not to let this run my entire life, I dont' sit around all day pining for a guy, but I guess in my head I must, because I feel like this. I don't know what to do. I can't eat anymore, I'm seeing a counselor, but I refuse to live out the rest of my life like this. This has been going on for so long, I can't seem to break this cycle of bad luck. I have already tried to kill myself before, I do not want to make harsh threats over what I'm sure others will tell me is "not a big deal." Please do not judge me too harshly, I'm sorry this was so long, it's just that thoughts of suicide are sounding more tempting every day and I don't know what else to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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