I don't know what to do anymore. (long)

[loveisgone]

I am so confused and lost at this point and I feel like I have no other options anymore. I think about suicide all the time and I made myself promise that I would wait at least a year, but it is getting harder and harder to do so. Bottom line is, I want love. I want it so badly, and yet I just cannot seem to find it. Instead, I seem to have heartbreak after heartbreak, and I don't know why. I am not a bad person: I'm pretty, funny, fun to be around, I have lots of friends, and lots going for me. I'm not saying this to brag, I'm merely trying to point out that I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. What makes matters worse is that there are plenty of guys who want to go out with me, I do get asked out quite a bit, in fact I tend to get guys who obsess with me and call me all the time, email me all the time, etc, even after I politely tell them I am not interested. It just hurts me because I get "why on earth are you still single" from guys all the time, it's just from the ones I'm not interested in.

 

Now you are probably next going to tell me to give them a chance, and I do try, but if you aren't attracted to a person then you just aren't. Also I do not believe in "settling." Usually I will give a guy around two-three dates, and if in the end I still don't feel anything, I break it off. The guys I'm interested in, (when I actually find them) however, seem to want nothing to do with me. I don't tend to pick "bad" guys, or jerks, so I don't think that is the problem. I don't come on too strong or too cold, I just seem to have an unbreakable streak of bad luck. My first serious relationship, cheated on me, refuses to pay back a large amount of money which I have lent him, pretended he had changed and as a consequence we got back together, then almost drove me to suicide when he harshly broke up with me just as I was starting to trust him again, and basically walked all over me. The next person I seriously liked seemed to return my feelings until he abruptly left me for his ex, (and they are still going strong), and there have been people in between, I am trying to give people a chance, but I just haven't found a strong connection. Every guy since then who I have been really interested in either A) has a girlfriend already or B) wants nothing to do with me. I can't figure it out. Last night I brought up my courage and asked out someone I was interested in at a party, and he seemed totally interested and promised he'd call this afternoon (he even set a reminder on his phone!), but he hasn't called yet.

 

I am so miserable. I want love so badly, I feel like everything else in my life is going great, but the one thing I want the most is the one thing I can't seem to get. I can't find guys I'm interested in, and when I do, it never works. I try not to let this run my entire life, I dont' sit around all day pining for a guy, but I guess in my head I must, because I feel like this. I don't know what to do. I can't eat anymore, I'm seeing a counselor, but I refuse to live out the rest of my life like this. This has been going on for so long, I can't seem to break this cycle of bad luck. I have already tried to kill myself before, I do not want to make harsh threats over what I'm sure others will tell me is "not a big deal." Please do not judge me too harshly, I'm sorry this was so long, it's just that thoughts of suicide are sounding more tempting every day and I don't know what else to do.

[Ericson]

Beauty is everywhere, love is everywhere, it's there for you too.

 

=

[misdirection]

please do not suicide

 

alot of us ENAers have gone through the suicide phase, including myself. i'm past it now though, but one thing i realised is that suicide accomplishes nothing except hurt and pain to OTHERS.

 

at one point i accepted the fact i would be miserable all my life and alone, i accept that. but instead of suicide i decided to be miserable all my life and help others, do charity, as to not waste anything... i hope you see a little of where i'm going!

 

hang in there, remember that love does not come to all. the love you seek where two people are totally interested in each other is a blessing that many, sadly do not get. Think of the guys you rejected. I read a post of a guy who was sad in love like you he wrote something like "just when i finally found a single girl i really like, she wasn't even interested in me" ....

 

in the mean time, help a charity. you will meet hundreds of new people that way. and also help thousands in the process! join a club, you will meet hundreds of new people that way, and easily thousands as clubs branch out. Get your many friends to introduce you to more people. Just meet as many people as you can, you might get lucky! its abit like lotto...

[mxfun]

If this is important to you, then it IS a big deal! Your feelings are real. Your pain is real. I don't think you should die over it though! It's okay to grieve when things don't seem to be going right. Please just don't hurt yourself. You are feeling overwhelmed. This causes people to not think clearly. Try to love yourself hon. I know it isn't easy. I care! Others here care. We all want you to be okay. Having someone to love does help, but it's not worth killing yourself! You'll find him some day. Please hang in there.

[hey_hey]

Sucide is never the answer....I know love always seems hard to find.....I havent found it either.....God made it so there is one speacail person for everyone....when God thinks its time for you to meet him you will....love isnt someting you can rush into it takes alot of time.