rowboat Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 This is to give to a friend, see more about the complications I have View of You This comes from the heart A realistic view of you Facts only uttered Not one is untrue The talent I witness It always shines through The brilliance is So exclusively you You mind labours In such great ways A genius at work Throughout the day A kinder heart I've found none A loving sole Enlightened in the sun A gorgeous smile Your elegant eyes The stunning beauty A remarkable individual guise When darkness comes And pain is all around This view of you Reilluminates the ground By R. J. T Link to comment
Steven1607307306 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Accidentally sent it twice... Link to comment
Steven1607307306 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Great work! I only think you need to work on your rythm of the poem. Some of it flows, some of it doesn't. Find a nice flowing pattern and stick with it. The last stanza is a perfect example of how the rest of te poem should flow. But.......that's only me talking, it's your style. It just doesn't come off the tongue as easily when the syllables are mismatched. Overall I thought it was good, ad I think it had a great message. Keep writing! There are many good poets on this site, it's too bad that most people ignore the poetry forum. Link to comment
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