Too much love?

[unsureself]

I'm not sure if there's something wrong with me, but every relationship I get into, I pour my heart and soul into it.

 

Which is great if the relationship is great, but when we end up breaking up, it hurts, A LOT.

 

So much in fact, my last break up turned me off dating for 5 years, starting to get back into the saddle, but i'm starting to become skeptical.

 

A friend of mine says i shouldn't put so much hope into every relationship i'm in, but i can't seem to control myself.

 

Is this wrong? Should I seek professional help? or just keep on truckin until I eventually find somebody.

[blender]

Yes, it's a great idea to go see a therapist, because so many of us think our "happiness" comes in the form of "someone else being in our lives".. but that is impossible..love is not about "attaining your happiness, it's about sharing your happiness..so before you get "involved with someone again'..put all that same energy, love, hopes and dreams into YOURSELF.. it will make you more independent, more fulfilled, more attractive, and you won't be so devastated if the relationship doesn't work out, because you are a complete you on your own first... YOU deserve all the love you give to others, but it starts with putting the same amount of enthusiasm and love into your own life first.. for YOU. Trust that by the "laws of attraction" that when you find your making a "choice" to be happy with who you are on your own, well, guys will be like moths to the light coming from YOU.

[blender]

P.S. I know how you feel, when I was younger and I got my heart broken I felt like I lost my identity, I had made a choice to get so wrapped up in my boyfriends life that I lost my "sense of self"... and that is NEVER A GOOD THING TO DO.. so just know that time on your own is a valuable opportunity to discover your own worth, happiness, and set goals for YOU.. and not about relationships, just for YOU.. and then you will be emotionally more balanced and healthy when it comes to love... it's too big a burden on someone to be your "whole loving life"... sure at first they love all the 'attention you give to them" but soon it becomes tiresome.. it's starts to feel to smothering, or too much pressure....

 

so get to a therapist, get some emotional balance.. I've done it, and believe me it's all about making a choice to have self respect, your own sense of who YOU are, and to love and respect your own self.. then and only then can we truly love another in a healthy inviting way... again because LOVE is about SHARING YOUR HAPPINESS, not ATTAINING IT.

[unsureself]

*Ahem* I'm a guy actually, but i guess all that you said still applies, I'll give it a shot...

 

Good point though, sharing not attaining, I'll have to make some changes.

[blender]

Oops.. yes, it all still applies.. (as long as I didn't say always wear lipstick or something) but you're on the right track, because the good news is your wise and mature enough to be thinking about what YOU can do differently.. because in life we get the same lessons over and over again until we are willing to learn, grow, change, be in acceptance, and find our own self worth.

[heloladies21]

Any guy can have successful relationships, you just need to learn how to do it. It's hard sometimes, but it can very much be learned.

[DragonGirl724]

You do NOT need therapy for loving and giving as much as you do!!!!!!

But! Do not dedicate your everything to a BF/GF, but never holdback 'loving too much'. there is a difference.

 

I am the same way and having such a huge heart and being so giving of your emotions and support is a wonderful thing and quite rewarding! Sometime your bf's/gf's dont appreciate your giving nature until they are your EX bf/gf. And well it just comes with the territory. you love a lot, you hurt a lot. you are the way you are and I DONT suggest changing AT ALL! You will make someone soooo very happy one day and the right person should experience the huge amount of love you want to so badly shower them with. Dont let a bunch of the wrong ones discourage you from being such a giving Lover. The right one will shower you with the same amount of affection and itll be a wonderful time!!!

 

keep your head up, and love the way you want to be loved in return!!!!!!!

 

 

-DG724

[blender]

but you have to "love yourself" the way you want to be loved.... and yes never stop being so loving, but it's important to never lose your sense of self when you are loving someone... authentic love is about sharing your own self love and happiness... so yes keep loving at the top level, but do so for yourself.. we teach people how to treat us, not by "how we treat THEM" but by how we treat OURSELVES.... and therapy can teach you how to focus your deep love in a healthier way..

[DragonGirl724]

I'm not sure if there's something wrong with me, but every relationship I get into, I pour my heart and soul into it.

 

you think thats a PROBLEM???

 

 

SHOULDNT EVERYONE BE DOING THAT IN A RELATIONSHIP!!

 

Which is great if the relationship is great, but when we end up breaking up, it hurts, A LOT.

 

So much in fact, my last break up turned me off dating for 5 years, starting to get back into the saddle, but i'm starting to become skeptical.

 

Stop it right now okay! You are a giver. you are a lover. you put your heart out there and yes it is vunerable to be broken-but that doesnt mean dont put it out there!! are you crazy? those who love a lot will hurt a lot-it's just how it is. but it'll mae every relationsip-every experience a great one-whether you realize it at the time of break up or a year later. If you stop loving so much you will become a miserable person and you will punish furute gf's by not showing them the love you are capable of.

 

A friend of mine says i shouldn't put so much hope into every relationship i'm in, but i can't seem to control myself.

 

I'm glad im not your friend's GF!!!! screw this. i cant believe he/she thinks you are wrong for loving the way you do. this is unbelievable. I'd be pissed if my BF didnt give me every ounce of his love and hope for us to work. Isnt that what a relationship is about in the first place!??!

TAKE MY ADVICE AND KEEP LOVING THE WAY YOU BORN TO LOVE!!! What kind of worth does a relationship have that you don't dedicate all your love to it? It'll only be worth half its value if you only put HALF of your love into it!

 

Is this wrong? Should I seek professional help?

NO!!!!

 

 

or just keep on truckin until I eventually find somebody.

 

YES!!!! IT'LL PAY OFF TRUST ME!!

 

I suggest disregarding all this 'seeking therapy' nonsense..you don't need it. With love comes pain sometimes, that's just how it is. You'll be okay and you will grow from each experience if you are smart about it. The heart heals.

 

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

but you have to "love yourself" the way you want to be loved.... and yes never stop being so loving, but it's important to never lose your sense of self when you are loving someone... authentic love is about sharing your own self love and happiness... so yes keep loving at the top level, but do so for yourself.. we teach people how to treat us, not by "how we treat THEM" but by how we treat OURSELVES.... and therapy can teach you how to focus your deep love in a healthier way..

 

maybe im missing someting but...I think the issue is that unsureself loves a lot and hurts a lot when the relationship ends...it's not that he doesn't love himself.

 

its not possible to love someone so much, so sincerely and genuinely without loving yourself. it wouldnt be real. it sounds to me he loves himself just fine and he loves others just the same, and well, it hurts when you lose that other person and thats what he has a hard time dealing with which is a natural thing to feel.

 

-DG724