Patterns?

[in_love]

Anyone notice a pattern in break-ups?

 

Heres what I have learned over the course of 4 months, apart from that fact that I may never get back with her I have noticed the majority of those who do in fact get back together and STAY together have on thing in common.

 

Their relationship ended with similar reasons and the two were very much in love when together!

 

Boredom and routine - the relationship killers!

 

Almost everyone who I have spoken to on forums and in "real" life who ended things because of the above reasons have got back together. Not all but the majority.

 

the love factor, if it wasn't there to begin with then just forget about it. I chatted with a girl on a train, complete stranger, who told me she had absolutely no regrets ending her 2 year (live in) relationship because she knew she just wasn't and NEVER was in love with him. When I asked "why stay for so long" she didn't really have the answer but she never once regretted it.

 

I think reconciliation has a lot to do with the "why" did it end in the first place!

 

Something to think about.

[majord23]

I think reconciliation has a lot to do with the "why" did it end in the first place!

 

Agreed, but I'll add something else into the mix: *Successful* reconciliation very much depends on why people *desire* to get back together.

 

Pity, familiarity, insecurity, the "grass not being greener" and jealousy may very well be the catalyst for reconciliation...but in my experience, those reunions rarely last once things return to 'normal'.

[lady00]

But don't people often describe the whole boredom thing as "falling out of love," in which case the love was once there but it goes away?

[in_love]

familiarity breeds contempt... have you ever taken you folks for granted, or anyone else for that matter who wasn't romantically involved with you?

[in_love]

But don't people often describe the whole boredom thing as "falling out of love," in which case the love was once there but it goes away?

 

another thing.... talk with long term married folks, old people been together 50 years etc...

 

....you'll simply be amazed at just how many times people fall in and out of love with the same person!

 

commitment! you were in love once you can be in love again WITH THE SAME PERSON if both want it to happen.

 

If we were to go by this "falling out of love" nonsense we'd be in and out of relationships for the rest of our lives... you simply don't retain that burning love/desire (spark or whatever it is) for someone for the rest of your life. You must work on it and work on it constantly and stay committed to that person.

 

Biblical love, that which God gives us is REAL and permanent and flawless, our love is full of flaws and is not perfect so how can we ever truly expect to have a perfect relationship and be in love with that person 24/7 for the rest of our lives?

[macgyver4ever]

 

commitment! you were in love once you can be in love again WITH THE SAME PERSON if both want it to happen.

 

If we were to go by this "falling out of love" nonsense we'd be in and out of relationships for the rest of our lives... you simply don't retain that burning love/desire (spark or whatever it is) for someone for the rest of your life. You must work on it and work on it constantly and stay committed to that person.

 

Biblical love, that which God gives us is REAL and permanent and flawless, our love is full of flaws and is not perfect so how can we ever truly expect to have a perfect relationship and be in love with that person 24/7 for the rest of our lives?

 

You nailed it, COMMITMENT is the key to a lot of relationship failures we have seen here. Whether it is in the form of cheating, or falling out of love, people are not committing whether it is in fear or not finding the right one.

 

Most of us get hurt so badly when we have made that commitment to another person and later find out they have not, or changed their mind due to certain circumstances. Falling out of love is normal, but there is a baseline feeling of love that you should always have for a person. It's when this is gone, and you simply do not care one way or another about a person that the relationship should really end.

 

Boredom and routines can lead to falling out of love, but it is the commitment to this person that should be able to pull through the rut. Maturity is needed, and most of the committed relationships we see fall apart here are because a lack of maturity and responsibility by one party.

 

Bah humbug.

[w3rd]

I totally agree, great thread.

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Great thread.

[MasterT]

Even now I still don't exactly understand what happened in my relationship, but after reading this thread, I am suspect maybe routine had something to do with it.... Good thread.

[w3rd]

So what brings a relationship back together that has ended because of boredom and routine? The original love?

 

I feel like thats what ended my current relationship....just don't know how to take it from here..

[macgyver4ever]

w3rd

 

I wish I had some great, guaranteed to work advice, but I don't. The best advice I have seen on here is "The Perfect Plan." Search for that and see if you think it will work for you.

 

It involves letting your ex know how you feel, and then move into No Contact so you can heal. This way, if things don't work out, then at least you are already well on your way to recovery.

 

Boredom and routine were the beginning of the decline of my relationship, but I did not address it in time. Most of us here didn't. I'm sure if our ex's would have communicated with us better we would have tried to fix things before it got to this though.

 

Good Luck!

[Cindersam]

I have that same question. My ex dumped me after 6 years saying he no longer had the "in love" feelings. He had other feelings for me just not the "in love" ones. He said it had been up and down for a while. I thought after 6 years that was normal????????