Reason For Being Sooo Unlucky

[ajaxajax]

I might like to ask the women out there something. I have been having trouble trying to chat with different ladies...and even if I do, I never ever have the chance of even asking them for a coffee in person...always because of some stupid reason. Whatever reason, I'm always held back. Maybe it's myself because I fear that everyone would always say no - just because I'm me. I'm considered to be quite attractive, not really overweight (stocky), not fidgety and quite likeable. But, deep down, I always felt bitter about a lot of things related and NOT related to women in my life to the point where if something stuffs up, I lose my self-control.

 

I never lost it in front of women, but I wonder if women can by intuition sense that a man like me is just too bitter or too odd or too socially unacceptable etc for them to even bother liking him. I keep feeling that whenever I talk to women they act as if I've a massive wart on my nose!

 

Thanks

 

P.S. If anyone suggests for me to seek professional help (just curious), would it necessarily mean that I will have to forget about love until I'm 'cured'?

[Shiva 2007]

I think women are more intuitive that sometimes given credit to, you might be surprised! I believe that everyone is free to do whatever they feel like doing, however; if professional help seems like something you are not interested in or willing to give a try to than perhaps you might want to talk to a lot of women and get their opinion. In my opinion love is not something one could really have a lot of control over, but it might be helpful if you wish for it to work for you to ask a professional about what it is that you might be doing that is pushing women away.

I'm curios what exactly are some of the "stupid reasons" that you mentioned in your text of why you never have the chance of even asking the women for a coffee in person.

What sort of message do you get in return if any?

[Luke Skywalker]

You cant lose what you dont have. Who cares what anyone thinks. Even if they think you are a wart - who cares - you stand up to them and do whatever you want to do and show them some attitude, show them who is boss.

[ajaxajax]

Well, Shiva...lot of things but without making a life story obvious they include:

- feeling that at age 25 and studying at uni, I feel unsuitable just because I'm not earning a DECENT wage;

- enduring many bad things at high school and uni, where despite my hard work, I only managed to get into a good course - only JUST, and was nearly made to go out with fat and/or ugly ladies against my will;

- feeling that just because of where I live and of my mixed heritage (Italian/Australian), I would not be ethnically acceptable to them;

- feeling that I have to have the body of Justin Timberlake or David Hasselhoff just for them to even see me as attractive, and;

- being afraid that me going out with particular girls will make me miss the best lady for marriage and lead to a stuffed up marriage with stuffed up kids, just like most couples in my dad's and mum's families

 

It's handful, I know, but I feel that they are just not valid. It's just that my body and mind can't 'accept' this FACT!

[Shiva 2007]

So what is the rush??? why not seek for more friends that includes women friends to hang out with and share common interests. Who knows something beautiful might come from that over time, and when you feel more secure of yourself you might have the perfect woman in front of you.

I'm sure your heritage in 2007 is not an issue, infact it might be more of an interesting factor.

How many Justin Timberlake or David Hasselhoff do we need in the world? I think it's more important to value oneself as one of my russian teachers once sayd "stop shopping around" in respects to look at someone else and compare yourself to them, the media and magazines are doing a wonderful job at making a lot of us to feel inadequate, so it's up to us to start loving and valuing ourselves even if we don't look like the next big star...

Lastly,

I dont mean to be rood, but are you for real? in respects to leading to a stuffed up marriage with stuffed up kids? who's forcing you to do that?

[ajaxajax]

Don't worry Shiva, I'm not offended at all I do believe that it will not happen to me because I'd be making sure to the best of my ability that it won't happen. But I will not know every woman I meet better than herself and that I'd need to consider one big enemy that can be as bad as evil in dictating one person's life - circumstance. I'm trying to figure out what's really going on to make sure that circumstance can work more in my favour and less against me.

 

Oh, perhaps there is a bit of a rush at my age....I'm starting to get a feeling that more women are being snapped up like bullets from a machine gun. I've found some great woman friends whom I love to go out with but it never happened either because they found someone else at the same time, have friends who hate my guts or who move to another part of the world Talk about unlucky...

[Altruist]

...I never lost it in front of women, but I wonder if women can by intuition sense that a man like me is just too bitter or too odd or too socially unacceptable etc for them to even bother liking him. I keep feeling that whenever I talk to women they act as if I've a massive wart on my nose!...

 

 

I've read from many sources that women are about ten times better than men at picking up non-verbal clues in communication.

[Shiva 2007]

Well Ajaxajax, I don't know how old you are but I'm 39 and now I'm once again without anyone in my life except my beautifull puppy, and that's ok by me, because as I sayd in another post of myne to me it's more important to be alone than feeling alone in a relationship with the person who you might love but not be the wright person for you. So keep searching, the time will come when you meet the right person, and allow yourself to be lead by your heart..... I know someone once sayd that means" and in my opinion...well... give it your own meaning.

Leonardo Da Vinci wrote:

As a day well spent brings blessed sleep, so a life well lived bring a blessed death.

I ascribe to this quote now in my life because the more I think of it the more I think it's like a koan, and slowly it reveals to me a very powerful lesson in life.

[Day_Walker]

Stop thinking and put yourself into action. You can only blame yourself for not acting. If a girl says no then she says no. You need to learn just to have fun with it.

[ajaxajax]

Good saying, Shiva

 

Daywalker, um....you can't exactly have fun if you hear too many no's. I'm trying to figure out if what I'm feeling inside about some parts of my life can be easily sniffed by women...and why they in general appear 10 times more likely to go out with fakers! I understand the importance of asking a girl out myself, but I have to do it properly. I don't even know if I should ask her the first time I meet her? 10th time I meet her? When she knows me well enough 2 years down the track? etc. Know what I mean?

 

I might ask a girl out straight away, but I could at least know if she's already taken

 

And tronix, I have been quite aware of non verbal communication. Even if I put on my best non verbal behaviour - even acting 100% natural and confident, I still feel that they are giving me the cold shoulder. I can at least tell that when I walk past some of them they give slight signs of being reprehensive!

[ghost69]

why are you relying on the net to hook up? you said you have in person skills. go out and use them.

[Altruist]

...And tronix, I have been quite aware of non verbal communication. Even if I put on my best non verbal behaviour - even acting 100% natural and confident, I still feel that they are giving me the cold shoulder...

 

You can act confident but if you don't feel confident, most women can pick that up.

 

...I can at least tell that when I walk past some of them they give slight signs of being reprehensive!

 

If you convince yourself enough times that women hate you, then nomatter how much a woman shows interest in you, you will always think they hate you. Perhaps its time to change your mindset. You have to realize that you are a fine catch instead of putting women on a pedestal.

[ghost69]

always go out that all eyes are on you. this should help.

[ajaxajax]

Tronix, that's the problem....they don't appear to show some slight interest, and even if they do this gets mixed up with just being friendly. I had several lady friends who acted quite sweet towards me and yet stayed with their own bfs who they obviously like more - otherwise what's the point in being with THEM? And btw, thanks for compliment (lol)!

 

Ghost, been trying to socialise in person, but had quite a few complicatons to deal with too...such as not having too many other friends (need to have friends to make friends, right?), feeling that family is always watching you, coming accross so many stuck up men and women etc. Eg went to quiz night last Nov just for that purpose and yet got into table with two couples and one guy suggested for me to go out with a girl he knows - but he was drunk and didn't bother calling me after (aaargh!)

[ghost69]

go out for a drink by yourself. sit at the bar. someone will talk to you. trust me.

[Altruist]

Even if she turns out to bjust a friend, its at least a start. Chances are that she's got plenty of single friends that she can hook you up with. So its not always a bad idea to be just friends with a woman.

[ajaxajax]

Tronix, I thought that if they did find me good enough to go out with a friend of theirs, they would have done so already....like I happen to have chatted with friends of my elder sister and they knew that I'm single. Liked 1 friend in particular but what happened? She's going out with an older man who is the brother of a soccer buddy of hers who's actually GONE TO JAIL! And did my sister or her friends do anything even though they KNEW I was single?....NO!

 

Ghost, was thinking about doing that for a long time...but wouldn't be lonely at a bar make me appear unattractive and even look like a hermit. Tried that a couple of times when I was invited out and it felt damn uncomfortable...

[ghost69]

no way. i've done it. happy hour is a good time to do that. you need to just be confident in yourself. if you go out thinking you aren't going to talk to anybody or feel bottled up, just don't go then. that is not a good mentality.