Have any of you had an open-ended relationship?

[DivaAlec]

I didn't really know where to post this but I was just wondering if anyone on here has had an open-ended relationship and if it worked. Please share your experiences! Thanks!

[isisastaria]

Can you describe "open-ended" relationship for me please?

Thanks

[blender]

by open ended do you mean, "you know you love the person, but they just say "sure I love you now, but I don't know what might happen"?

 

If someone is always "leaving an out" with thier words, then the fact is they have "commitment issues" and of course no one can "promise" what the future holds, but they can make a choice to say, "I love you, and I'm committed to making this relationship work". And then you go from there, but to stay in a relationship where ONE of you is saying.. "I love you, but I can't committ right now, so let's play it by ear"..... YIKES... that's like saying "I'll rent you, as long as I like the view".

 

If you are "okay and fulfilled and feeling good about yourself" to be in a relationship without a mutual intentional effort to make each other a priority, and to committ to each other, then I guess that's okay for you, and that's fine, but if you are agreeing to such a relationship just so you might hopefully "win them over"... then it's best to set your own standards/values by saying, "as much as I love you, it's not respectful for me to make a choice to be in a non-committed situation and be giving my energy, mind, heart and body to someone who's not making a mutual respectful loyal intentional effort to be committed to us as a couple".

[DivaAlec]

Well, my friend told me that she had some friends that dated in college and had an open-relationship. They had a mutual agreement that they would party seperatly and that they could hook up with other people but they couldn't date other people, they couldn't see that person again, and they couldn't talk about it with eachother. They are getting married. I was just wondering if anyone has tried anything like this and if i has worked and if it seems reasonable.

[Dako]

What is an open-ended relationship and what would constitute success?

[DivaAlec]

Basically you would have a relationship without a commitment. If you two really like eachother you would be together when you were together but when you weren't together you could be free to hook up with other people. Something along that line. I don't know if any of this makes sense.

[itsallgrand]

Well, my friend told me that she had some friends that dated in college and had an open-relationship. They had a mutual agreement that they would party seperatly and that they could hook up with other people but they couldn't date other people, they couldn't see that person again, and they couldn't talk about it with eachother. They are getting married. I was just wondering if anyone has tried anything like this and if i has worked and if it seems reasonable.

 

Eeks. Well....

 

Never did that exactly. Have had my fair share of 'untraditional' relationships, and I don't know what to say.

 

If ya end up married in the deal, that is a fluke! Or a pleasant or not so pleasant outcome. Err, who's to say, it's kinda betting on the horse with the lame left leg, IMO.

 

I thought the whole point of open ended relationships was fun and giggles. Hard to take the loyally aspect seriously when :

*part of the 'rules' is not to disclose information which might upset the other

*you know the person you are with is having other rendezvous

*there is no exclusivity

 

So long as there is honesty - a rare commodity, indeed - it can 'work'.

 

But, the risks increase in any situation like this. There's less motivation to be honest and forthcoming, and less accountability to another person.

[DivaAlec]

So you don't think that it might possibly be a good idea for college?

[lessy20]

So, basically it's allowing them to cheat on each other whenever they want, as long as they don't go on dates with that person? I think that, in most cases, is just asking for heart break. I couldn't imagine knowing my boyfriend was hooking up with someone else if I really loved him.

[agent1607307371]

I know people who have had open-relationships (and are still involved in them) for whom it works very well.

 

But I also know other people for whom it turned out very badly.

 

It depends on the people involved and either the level of monogamy and commitment they are comfortable with or their communication skills.

 

That said, if you get off with someone while you are in an open relationship, it's not cheating. If you break the rules, that's cheating, the rules are just different and often are more completely worked out than those of people who are in "normal" monogamous relationships.

 

I was in one while at uni, and I liked the freedom (not that I used it much) and at the beginning it was great. However the other person involved gradually became more and more secretive about his activities (which was contrary to the rules we discussed (disclosure)) and the relationship ended badly.

But honestly, I don't think that being open led to it. He would have cheated anyway due to his personality.

[itsallgrand]

So you don't think that it might possibly be a good idea for college?

 

Honestly, if you are asking for the opinions of others on this one, No, probably not for you.

 

Why not just date? Basically this is how things start out anyways. Most folks don't start out with the intention of having an 'open relationship'. They start seeing someone they like, and don't want to give them up, but aren't ready to commit/want to keep playing/whatever.

 

I'm just saying it isn't the easiest path to take. It may seem so convienent and easy but it's not.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it is certainly more risky than a monogamous relationship... chance of bringing diseases to each other, impregnating (or being impregnated) by someone else, one of the couple falling for one of their hookups and leaving the relationship.

 

i think sometimes people 'agree' to this arrangement because they don't want to lose the other person, but it can easily dissolve into jealousy and insecurity.

 

some people do pursue the swinger lifestyle and do fine with it, but they usually swing together as a couple, and don't go off for their own private hookups.

[blender]

I don't know, it's okay to be "together" as far as "dating" goes, but as far as being "intimate"... YUK... why would any self respecting emotionally healthy person volunteer to "get in line" intimately for someone? If there are "no feelings" involved then why be with the person in the first place? And if there are "feelings" involved why compromise yourself by "being in a line up" of god knows who? It really depends on who YOU are, and who YOU wish to become in your life.. but being intimate with multiple partners at one time without at least some feelings, respect or commitment...well that's just bottom line "physically unhealthy" not to mention the emotional side effects.

[isisastaria]

I think this just has to do with what two people have an understanding about. If you have a lot of questions regarding this type of relationship, I would rethink it altogether. How respectful is it to just say, "Well, I love you but don't really want you for the long term"?

 

I think that is outright disrespectful and would never ever do it. That 's my opinion for my life.