Should my sister suggest to my ex he should text on my bday?

[sunday13]

So, my sister said she would text my ex to tell him he should text me on my bday, which is tomorrow. We broke up on good terms...he is depressed. Basically, we still had feelings for each other and he has been avoidant of his friends ever since. He is having a hard time.

 

It would be nice if he would remember my bday, but am not sure if it is the best thing to do...

[needopinions]

i think you should leave it. if he's going to say happy birthday it should come from him and not from someone prompting him...especially if he's having a hard time with the break up...

[ImThatGirl]

I don't think so. I think if she suggests it and he does not, it will hurt even more if you don't hear from him.

[lifestream]

I'm really finding that there's a lot of "one size fits all" advice being floated around. I think for the most part it really doesn't do justice to the situation.

 

What's the point of him messaging you? If you're both miserable without each other then why not take a shot in the dark? Not on your b-day of course, but a week after asking how he's doing or something.

 

Do you want to take it slow and get back together?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

on the one hand, you are saying he is the one who is depressed, but then you are saying that it would be nice if he sent YOU a birthday message.

 

are you trying to help him, or get some kind of formal acknowledgment from him that you still matter to him? and why involve your sister? she could tell him to send a text, so he sends a text, but what does that text mean? he loves you, he likes you, he is guilted into it by your sister? you won't know if you pursue it this way, it would just be an empty gesture.

 

really, the best thing is to look at your own motivation and decide what to do accordingly. do you want to get back with him? if so contact him...

 

do you want to comfort him in his depression, then contact him, but only if you are willing to really be his friend, and not if you have no intentions of getting back with him, or will just get his hopes up.

[trident]

1) Don't get anyone else involved. Only the people in the relationship matter. "Middlemen" do more harm than good.

 

2) Prompting him to initiate contact sound silly & childish. If you want to contact him, then do it. Only once there is an actual outcome, can you deal with it. For that matter, if he doesn't want to contact someone, then it's his choice & he shouldn't be manipulated into it.

[Scout]

hi, sunday...and happy early birthday!

 

I went back over some of your other threads, and I get the feeling that your ex's break up really took you by surprise, plus, you don't seem to have a clear understanding of what led to it. And of course, you're still in a lot of pain over this break up and miss him very much. To the point you want to have your sister ask him to get in touch with you.

 

I really don't think that will make you feel better. But what about after your birthday reaching out to him and asking for some real answers? It seems to me you need closure. I gotta be honest with you. Based on what I read, the way your boyfriend broke up with you is something I've seen often before. It's usually indicative of someone who has fallen out of love with their partner romantically, and feels terribly guilty about that. So, I can't predict you two would get back together.

 

But I do think if you knew the truth, you would maybe be able to start to move on. Who knows, maybe talking to him would help with that. And maybe my first guess on why he broke up is wrong. But it just seems if you two really had such a connection, he could have given you some more clear-cut reasons for the break up. That would have been the fair thing for him to do, and I really think you're struggling with this because you have so many questions in your head about it. I don't blame you, I would too.

[sunday13]

Thanks for replying, everyone! I didn't have my sis text him or anything... I just let it be. Late night on my bday he did send me a simple "Happy birthday" to my phone. The next day I texted back "thanks And that's all.

 

The reason for the breakup was not that we fell out of love...perhaps he was never in love to begin with. He is going through a hard time in life right now... even his best friends confirm he is depressed...that he still likes me but feels like he would be holding me back if we were together. His best friend came for my bday dinner...and paid the entire $300 tab! He told me a few weeks after the breakup, "I thought you were by far his best girlfriend...he is stupid." He hasn't really hung out with any friends since our split, nor does he answer calls of text people back, according to his close friends.

 

I am trying to move on... I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks. Last night he cooked me dinner. He is smart, good looking, caring... but he's not my ex. So, we are taking it slow. I don't want to ruin chances with this new guy by rebounding too soon.