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i want it all to stop...


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today as i lay in my bed, i began to cry. everything inside me hurt. and i had my first ever thought of suicide.

 

My depression began as uncertainty as i began my teens. confused at life. I've never talked to anyone about it, ever. my depression grew, as i kept hiding it. i feel so alone. I'm almost 19 now and my depression has gotten alot worst, i cry silently at night in my bed, unable to sleep. There are many reasons in my life that hurt, but sometimes i feel extremely sad, just because i do, not for any reason in particular.

 

I am... ashamed of this, and i've never talked or hinted to anyone about my problem. everyone thinks i'm fine. i come off as a happy and arrogant human being, but deep down i'm hurting alot. i want to seek help from anyone, a therapist, but i am too scared to reveal myself.

 

i'm so alone right now, but yet i dont know how to get help... i'm afraid, i don't want to do this for teh rest of my life, i don't want to feel this hurt anymore.

 

please give me advice on how to get help, i have alot of trouble of talking to people about it, i just pretend nothing is wrong, and im happy...

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i semi tried to talk to my ex-bestfriend a couple of months ago.

 

i told him i was depressed, and before i could say anything else. he told me of his depression and that everyone gets hurt. i believe him, and the conversation ended...

 

Which is why you might want to really try to go to a therapist instead. They're trained not to respond like that, will not tell you their problems instead and or tell you to snap out of it or anything like that, and will not jeopardise the image that you seek to project to your friends at present. You might also consider a trip to your doctor to discuss possible medical treatment to help you feel better. Any thought of suicide is a sad and desperate thing, and you really need all the help you can get. It's there waiting for you, if you can find it in yourself to reach out for it.

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anotherlife, don't be scared. There are people out there who genuinely WANT to help you. Once you let go and let out your emotions, you will feel like a great weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Posting here is a great start. Ever seen the movie "What About Bob"? Its all about the baby steps. Maybe you can contact a hotline next and talk to someone over the phone. They can point you in the right direction for you to find local help and support groups.

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oatmeal - i just feel embarrassed whnever i show my feelings...

 

i have trouble explaining things to people in general... let alone my feelings. what would i say??? i don't know myself what some of my sadness is caused by. and i have the habit of freakin out and then be happy and fine again. it always happens when people get too close...

 

and i am going to watch that movie now, as soon as i get my hands on it.

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Don't be embarressed. Its what makes you human....hell I nearly broke down crying at work the other day! It would have bothered me, but my reasons were valid and I would have gotten over it.

 

You need to find someon who will listen to you. Thats the plain and simple truth of it.

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  • 1 month later...

I wish there were easy answers but just accepting that from time to time you will feel like this. And accepting that although 'it' does come, it will also pass with time too helps alot.ALso knowing that most of us at some point have felt like that can help too, you really are not alone in that.

 

I don't think it's necessarily urgent that you confide in someone unless you have some problem turning over in your mind that you can't get rid of or your thoughts start to talk you into action, then you should speak to someone immediately and seek help and support from friends but also a doctor, but it does help to talk to someone who cares.

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