anotherlife

oatmeal - i just feel embarrassed whnever i show my feelings... i have trouble explaining things to people in general... let alone my feelings. what would i say??? i don't know myself what some of my sadness is caused by. and i have the habit of freakin out and then be happy and fine again. it always happens when people get too close... and i am going to watch that movie now, as soon as i get my hands on it.

long but good post syrix he completely right, intelligence does not guarentee success. it is your persistance and wanting to learn. i am exactly like syrix, i was smart and could learn things (i liked) very easily. i leanred the whole japanese hirigana in year 7 in 3 days. it took everyone else 4 weeks! however in college i did subjects i hated simply because they scaled better. in australia your university entrance is determined by your UAI which is determined by you marks in school. The subjects scaled accordingly, like if you get the same mark in chemistry and art, chemistry would end up giving you a scaled 80 and art would only give you 60. i did subjects i hated and lost interest and became lazy. whilst my friend who did art/media courses, in which she loved, did very well in it. despite my higher scaling, i scored 91.4UAI whilse she scored an amazing 99.5UAI!!! do something you enjoy, because it makes learning THAT much easier, i'm serious!!! but that may be different for other people.

i semi tried to talk to my ex-bestfriend a couple of months ago. i told him i was depressed, and before i could say anything else. he told me of his depression and that everyone gets hurt. i believe him, and the conversation ended...

today as i lay in my bed, i began to cry. everything inside me hurt. and i had my first ever thought of suicide. My depression began as uncertainty as i began my teens. confused at life. I've never talked to anyone about it, ever. my depression grew, as i kept hiding it. i feel so alone. I'm almost 19 now and my depression has gotten alot worst, i cry silently at night in my bed, unable to sleep. There are many reasons in my life that hurt, but sometimes i feel extremely sad, just because i do, not for any reason in particular. I am... ashamed of this, and i've never talked or hinted to anyone about my problem. everyone thinks i'm fine. i come off as a happy and arrogant human being, but deep down i'm hurting alot. i want to seek help from anyone, a therapist, but i am too scared to reveal myself. i'm so alone right now, but yet i dont know how to get help... i'm afraid, i don't want to do this for teh rest of my life, i don't want to feel this hurt anymore. please give me advice on how to get help, i have alot of trouble of talking to people about it, i just pretend nothing is wrong, and im happy...