today as i lay in my bed, i began to cry. everything inside me hurt. and i had my first ever thought of suicide.
My depression began as uncertainty as i began my teens. confused at life. I've never talked to anyone about it, ever. my depression grew, as i kept hiding it. i feel so alone. I'm almost 19 now and my depression has gotten alot worst, i cry silently at night in my bed, unable to sleep. There are many reasons in my life that hurt, but sometimes i feel extremely sad, just because i do, not for any reason in particular.
I am... ashamed of this, and i've never talked or hinted to anyone about my problem. everyone thinks i'm fine. i come off as a happy and arrogant human being, but deep down i'm hurting alot. i want to seek help from anyone, a therapist, but i am too scared to reveal myself.
i'm so alone right now, but yet i dont know how to get help... i'm afraid, i don't want to do this for teh rest of my life, i don't want to feel this hurt anymore.
please give me advice on how to get help, i have alot of trouble of talking to people about it, i just pretend nothing is wrong, and im happy...