roxy79 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 It is hurtful only because I never expected him to say that to people. You just don't say that period... you keep that to yourself if that truly is the case. But with someone who claims to never have any free time, he sure made a lot of free time for me monday... oh but wait... he was just being nice. There is a bit in between this story that leads me to believe that he is telling them this stuff, but what he is doing and feeling is different. I don't think he is telling them how much he and I have been talking and that he actually enjoys my company... cause apparently I've been the "butt" of their jokes for a while... but I think he is telling them one thing and doing another cause they tease him so much that if he tells them what he is really doing or why he is doing it, they might tease him more. at any rate, that's childish and dumb. I'm totally hurt by this "gossip" and I don't feel like contacting him period. Link to comment
disgruntledbaker Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 good. i think thats the way to go. you should be hurt by it. i used to do the same thing, hang out with a girl that i enjoyed spending time with and then made her the butt of all my jokes with my friends so i would save face... when i was 16. then i grew up. and honestly, i would kick my own tuckus today if i ever caught myself doing that to another person. its just plain wrong. stay away! Link to comment
jordan1234 Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 you know, sometimes guys say things to save face, and it reall yis nothing more than that. He might be getting a lot of crap for seeing you again, so he downplays it. Its how he acts towards you that is important. That wasn't meant for you anyway, so i wouldn't worry about it. Link to comment
disgruntledbaker Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 i disagree. how he speaks of you with his friends is important. you can't have a relationship with someone thats only willing to overtly care about you when no one else is in earshot. it won't go anywhere. Link to comment
roxy79 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 I'd like to believe that he said those things cause he isn't sure how they will react... cause they way he is towards me is awesome.. which is why I got excited that the date went so well... a step in the right direction. I'm trying not to listen to what the person said cause that person truly has no merit BUT it was said that he did say it, which sucks. He is very flirty and polite and kind towards me... the date he was the same except better. We laughed tons, flirted, got to know each other again,... a whole new beginning, small lip locks in the parking lot.. all of which led me to think "wow, he kinda digs me." then I find out he went "just to be nice." ouch. ya know? Link to comment
jordan1234 Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I'd like to believe that he said those things cause he isn't sure how they will react... cause they way he is towards me is awesome.. which is why I got excited that the date went so well... a step in the right direction. I'm trying not to listen to what the person said cause that person truly has no merit BUT it was said that he did say it, which sucks. He is very flirty and polite and kind towards me... the date he was the same except better. We laughed tons, flirted, got to know each other again,... a whole new beginning, small lip locks in the parking lot.. all of which led me to think "wow, he kinda digs me." then I find out he went "just to be nice." ouch. ya know? You know, the reason i gave the advice i did was from personal expiriece. When my ex and I were getting back together, most of my firends and family were saying i should not persue it. I would tell them its not a big deal and im just being low key, and im not into getting back, but int he back of my mind i definitely was. I just didnt want to hear all of the negative vibe stuff form others. I would say dont worry about hear say from friends. My buddy told me for years he wasn't totally into this girl he was dating and they just got married....if she had overheard our conversations back int he day she might have bolted....we laugh about it now. Just react to how he treats you....if that changes then worry 1 Link to comment
roxy79 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 thank you. i appreciate that advice Jordan. Link to comment
blender Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Roxy79, you're doing the right thing by no longer having contact with him.. he's a grown man, and it doesn't matter if he's 'shy" do NOT let yourself make excuses for a "grown man".. he has the opportunity to make an intentional effort to be in your life, and he is NOT doing so, so forget it, let go, and it doesn't matter what he said to others, try to separate your feelings from the facts.. "feelings": you are still emotional vulnerable where he is concerned and seeing him now with out a "definition or clear intention" from him as to "why" he's spent time with you is leading you to be "hurt". FACT: He's still NOT ready to be sincere, upfront, communicative, and mature enough to respectfully not be kissing a woman just for "old times" sake, or just because you "allow him to".. if he's "on the fence".. then let him sit there, it won't be comfortable for long he'll jump down on the side your are on, or he'll jump on the side of wanting to be his "free, single self"... either way it's time for you to let go, and get back to being busy with your own life.. YOU are worhty of a mature, intentional love.. this guys not showing any signs of that... And yes, I know.."he's shy"... But who wants a man who is not willing to make an intentional effort to be in your life? C'mon, the there's plenty of shy men out there, but most of them don't "kiss, not call, and then tell friends he was "just being nice" ugh..." That's not "shy behavior" that "insensitive immature behavoir". So try to forget about him, he's no longer worthy of your energy... Link to comment
roxy79 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Eh. Thats was pretty harsh. I have not tried to get back together with him since we broke up. I have let go... trust me. It took me a long time to get over it... but I am over him. I honestly just don't believe he'd be talking to me and going on a date with me cause he wanted to be nice. He is NOT the type of guy to send that messge. He'd never do that... which is why I'm leaning towards what "Jordan" posted. I'm just gonna chill and see what happens. If he calls, great then I will go from there. If he doesn't, then I'll assume the rumors were true and leave it be. That's pretty reasonable, right? Link to comment
blender Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 good for you, yes, wait for him to make an intentional effort to ask you out again.. you deserve a man who will contact you because he wants to see you again..and I'm sorry about those "rumors" you had to hear, but as you said, who knows what was actually said, the only thing you can rely on to show what his feelings authentically are, is if he makes an effort to initiate contact with you... and yes sometimes when we call the ex, they do think "oh I'll be nice and spend some time with her, after all she called me"... so I think your intincts are right on target that you "wait and see if he contacts you".... Link to comment
roxy79 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 I guess what it comes down to, if he was really interested he'd be calling and since he's not... I should assume that he only went out with me on Monday "to be nice" and the date was nothing more than a "nice jesture." Because if he had as much fun as I did, he would have contacted me in some form by now, and he hasn't. Am I right? Link to comment
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