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Dumpee or Dumper?

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I have been here for a while... reading posts after posts... I read stories about...


Dumpees Starts off with most of whom who misses their ex and trying to hold onto some hopes of their ex coming back.. after a while of applying NC (most preached healing tool here) would definitely makes them move on and heal... then they starts to think back about their ex who they realize they wouldn't take them back with a lot of unless and some sort of conditions or otherwise...never..


Dumpers Starts off with a lot of real reasons or just excuses to dump their ex... maybe some would like to stay in touch with their ex (avoiding guilt) or maybe, if their pride was high to think their reasons/excuses for leaving were mostly right, would go NC right after they dump their ex.... And then after sometime of NC where maybe, they themselves or their ex initiated, realizes they were wrong about dumping their ex... Filled with guilt,they want to go back to their ex...


Confusions In time of NC the dumpee got their pride and self-confidense and would only take their ex (if ever they're still interested)... with a lot of "ifs"..Now how can the dumper do this "ifs"..How can they prove they were sorry?



HINT no matter what the dumper/dumpee do if both their love were true to each other before... they will reconcile in the end...no matter what..."love" is still the answer to all this confusions...

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Now for my story.... I am lost...


I dumped at first week... made her wait for me and out of stupidity I hurted her so bad... I went back to her the second week only to find out she doesn't want me anymore.. I have been dumped that second week.. Dumper becomes the dumpee... took pride of going NC.. third week she contacted me just wanna be friends... I ignored her.. I made her upset I don't want to be just her friend (coz I still love her very much).. so I guess I became the dumper there again... But now its a month, I feel so very guilty... Coz I thought it was all my fault I made her fought back...


Now... How do I reconcile this "chaos" to both our minds and hearts? How will the dumper/dumpee reconcile to this situation?


Only "love" can answer all this troubles.... I just hope she truly loved me before so I am pretty sure she still loves me now...

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Hi Devast,


Forget all the tags and names for a moment - read what you've written. You dumped her. WHY did you do that? There must have been a reason why the relationship wasn't going so well. Because it does read a bit like you hurt because she doesn't want you back - but do you want her back? Why did you dump her in the first place?


It seems like you've been playing games with this girl, and that's incredibly confusing. Before you can move forward, you ahve to know what you want, what you REALLY want, with regard to this relationship. Not just wanting what you can't have, if that makes sense?


I'm sorry you're hurting. I think some space to work through this might be what you need, to help clarify the confusion that you're feeling.


Good luck!

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Hi devast


I feel so sorry for your hust...you know, I'm going through exactly the same as you. I've sent a last e-mail to my ex, before my closure. I think you will understand what I'm talking about in it. It din't brought her back, and my intention was not that. I just wanted to be honest with her, for a last time, before I leave, so that she could understand what I was going through. It took out a really heavy burden off my chest.






I have so many things to say to you...some I had never told you before and others that only today I knew.


You know, the fact that our relationship didn't work, made me look to all the relationships I had in my life and, only today, I realized that because of my insecurities, I was constantly looking for my girlfriends' approval.

If I could not get that, I start to play stupid games that were becoming harder and harder, not only to me but also to those girls who were with me. Today I know that the times I broke up with you, among other things, were part of these games just to know if you would fight for me.


I was thinking that I could get what I want acting this way but the outcome was only a degradation of my relationships to the point of not going anywhere, I was hurting the girls who were with me and, even worse, I was hurting myself.

What I feel for you made me look to what I've lost, to our relationship, and I noticed that I also have played these games with you, and I feel really bad because of that. I hope you can forgive me for having used you this way but I simply was not aware of what I was doing.


What I know today is that I don't want to feel this way again. I want to go away from you but not to forget you...To forget my ex-gfs that's what I have done for all my life when things went wrong. I just want to become a different man, better than I am today, more confident and with a higher self-esteem. I want to feel that I don't need anyone's approval and I don't want to play stupid games again.

Only now I know that this is the way to give more love to those around me, without fears and not letting my insecurities get in the way.


Altough I have not been showing you in the best way, your friendship is very important to me. I don't want to lose it!


I want to be able to come near you and tell you everything I felt when we were together, what I've done and why I've done it. It would be very important to me, to tell you this "eyes in the eyes"...if you accept to listen.

But to do it I just need time, time to look for myself and think more about what I've been doing in the last years.


Once again, let me thank you for making me look deeply to myself...only now I understood I was needing for it for a long time.


Now, if I could be near you I would hold you so tight....


Hope you'd be OK







I hope the best for you.

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It makes a lot of sense... What do I really want from this relationship... If I didn't wanted it when I broke-up with her then why would I want it back now?


No I wasn't playing games with her... I just wanted us to be mutual in a sense that I would like her to change the way she see things... I would like her to accept the fact that she's not always right...I would like to hear her say "yes to what I am thinking rather than correcting me or contradicting for a better one"...Coz she contradicts me most of the time.. Its her normal way..


I want her back now because I love her... No matter what... no matter how she contradicts me most of the time... I am still in love with her....


But she said she is what she is since birth.. she can't change...I only hope she truly loved me before..


Yeah its my 6th day of NC...

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I am just confused again right now coz I feel guilty for other things which maybe her reason not to want me back again... other than just staying as contradictful as she is.... Its about my being frustrated in so many things... maybe this is her real reason for letting go of me for good..


I hope she's just confused and her love for me is still strong...


To all who have read and saw my developments in my other thread "i need her back"...I know youd say..I am going nuts... And I am back to square one...I am back to where I started in ENA..

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