Depressed, Anxious, whatever?

[Mackenzie]

I don't really know if I am those things, and I can't figure it out on my own. I'm going to see my family doctor soon but I'm not sure if I can word it properly. For the last few years I've had this sad empty feeling that never seems to completely go away. There have been a few months here and there when it wouldn't be so bad but most days I come home feeling like crap. I just feel like I have no purpose in life. I'm not suicidal at all but thinking about the routine of daily life makes me not want to get out of bed sometimes. Sometimes when I'm bored I get lonely; sometimes when I'm with friends I desparately want to be left alone. The most trivial things make me panic to the point where I feel nauseous, and I feel like there's rising and dropping in my stomach. I'm pretty good at hiding it sometimes- I'm good at making my friends laugh and stuff, but sometimes it's hard to hide.

I have told my mom about this. We have a family history of depression and anxiety. She just kind of blew me off though, I guess because she doesn't want to accept that I may be like her, although she did make the appointment for me. I'm incredibly shy, and I'm kind of nervous about telling my doctor who has known me for years. I keep thinking he'll think I'm making it up for attention, or that he won't do anything to help me. I hate this horrible panicky feeling I always have and I want it to stop but I don't even know what to expect from making the first step. Is it possible that I'm just a really grumpy person with nothing to worry about?

[Lovestragedies]

I've experienced the same thing, so I know how you feel. I would most certainly not call it just being "grumpy." You struggle with something all of us do: what's our purpose? Perhaps you believe in God, perhaps you don't. If you do, then you may know what I would tell you on that front. We're here for the sole purpose of bringing glory to God in all that we say and do, and to lead others to Christ. If you do not believe in God, then let me tell you this. I do not believe in true happiness, but I do believe in acceptance. We may not constantly be overjoyed, but we can learn to have a serene peace within our souls that can be achieved by understanding this world and our place in it. It comes from learning to see the good in all things, and that may take time. But I can assure you that all things have a good side, including people. Remember that everything happens for a reason, and it will help you. Maybe spice up your life a little. Become more involved in things. I don't like routine either, and I try my best to do things that spark my creativity. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

 

Best wishes,

Elena

[Mackenzie]

Thanks Elena

I've never thought of things that way before. Regardless I'm going to see my family doctor because I just can't stand the feeling. I'm just really scared to do so.

As for becoming more involved in things, I have been told to do that and I've tried. I just seem to lose interest in things really easily. I volunteered so that I could help others even if I was unhappy with myself, but I quit because I thought I wasn't much help. I try keeping myself busy reading but I can never focus anymore because my mind is always somewhere else. I'm not asking to become Pollyanna or anything, but I wish I could appreciate things more, the way I used to. I feel like I've gotten used to the gift of life and that it's useless. I feel so horrible saying it because I know there are people who want to live and are dying. But when people tell you to make the best of your time- I don't really see why it matters. And I just wish I'd never thought of that because I feel like the idea's haunting me.

[Lovestragedies]

Oh you're certainly welcome.

I think it's a good idea to see your family doctor, and I doubt you'd be any worse off by it. What are some things you really enjoy doing? As for myself, I do tend to start things and never finish them, so I understand where that comes from. But there are things I really enjoy, like playing the piano, that I could do for long periods of time. Why do you believe you weren't much help? In my opinion, there's really no such thing as not being of any help. Any small act of kindness is enough to put a smile on anybody's face. And for me, helping others with their problems takes my mind off my own. Was there anything that could have triggered this do you think? I understand that there comes a time when we begin to question these things, but seeing as you used to enjoy things, perhaps something could have triggered it. There's absolutely nothing wrong in you feeling this way, and I promise you we all do at some point in our life. It's simply a stepping stone to becoming who you were meant to be. People will most likely tell you that it matters because we only get to do this once. But then you could say why bother? Where do we even go when we die? As I said in my former reply, I believe our purpose in life is to glorify God. That gives me a purpose, a reason to wake up each morning. I know that He has a marvelous plan for me, and once I begin to believe that I have a reason to live. I truly respect you for thinking of this, because most people will simply hold to the belief that we can do whatever we want in this life and there's no such thing as right or wrong.

[turqoise]

sounds to me like you have depression, and maybe social anxiety too (it`s a chemical imbalance which you can`t change just by willing it, so seeing a doctor, or even better - a psychiatrist who can diagnose you better). i have these and what you`re thinking sounds really similar to me. check this link out;

 

self-test for depression:

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info and test on anxiety (often occurs together with depression):

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info and test on adrenal fatigue (often mistaken for/occurs along with depression):

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