How have you coped/acted?

[Nick_t]

Hi guys,

 

My ex is officially seeing someone else now. I was gutted last week, but I tell you something I am not so bad now. Everything has now happened in my break up - this is the final stage, having to see and accept she is now with someone else.

 

But I tell you one thing I feel brilliant and I'm so proud of myself.

 

Last night they were both out and I bought two drinks went over to my ex and said I bought these two for you and Guy, I wish you all the very best together. She said thank you and gave me a big smile. I walked away and continued to have fun with all my friends.

 

Later on I saw one of her best friends who was working and she came up to me and said 'I heard what you did to (my ex) and I thought that was the most mature thing I have ever heard someone do, I'm speechless'. This girl was sober and said she had so much more respect for me than she did before. She continued to say how my ex could not believe it and told her straight away and that it meant so much to her and she was speechless too. As I was speaking to her my ex came and stood next to us and gave me a massive hug and said thank you about a million times.

 

And all of this made me feel so happy, I'm accepting my ex is with someone else, I don't feel so bad anymore and I have shown dignity and shown people that I am a bigger man. Most importantly I have shown her that I am still the amazing person she fell in love with, and that I am not going to be an idiot about it all.

 

My question is though, how have you dealt with an ex starting to see someone else? How have you coped? What have you done? I see my ex practically everyday, she was and in a way still my best friend. I even work with her now and again, like today for instance and we have been sending e-mails back and forth and planning to have lunch together. Do you think this will have an effect on her new relationship? Not saying I want it to but I'm curious.

[Boughs]

I'd back off. Ease into the friendship part.

 

Personally, if i were her and you brought 2 drinks for me and my new boyfriend, I'd be ****in pissed. I think its a cruel move in using her to make yourself out to be someone better than her.

 

I also think that the way she reacted is cruel to her new BF. If I were her, I would just not talk/hug/look to you. Time needs to pass more.

 

The e-mailing back and forth is hurting her relationship, no matter how harmless it may seem. Its messing with her and your head.

 

If you want to be the bigger man, I'd suggest e-mailing her saying "we had our fun, now its time for us to move on. No contact and we'll prove to be better friends when we have no ties, in the future."

 

Just my opinion.

[Nick_t]

Thanks for the opinion Boughs,

a tad strong seeing you don't really know my situation or what has happened in the past 7 months, but it is obviously what you think, and fair points.

 

I was not using her to make me look a bigger man, or bigger than her, I was actually being genuine, there are quite a few of us out there. I did it for myself, no one else!

 

We went out for a solid 2 years and still care a lot for eachother and feel we can still be good friends. We both know we need to move on, and I feel we have, I've said before what you have stated in the last sentance, and it has sunk in.

 

We want to be good mates because we have a really good time together. It's up to her if this prooves too much

[Boughs]

Make sure you let her know that she has an "out" and that it won't hurt you.

 

Your caring a lot for one another, is dangerous. No matter how innocent it might seem. Her head still being mixed up with an ex is going to hurt her ability to make judgements in her relationship. She is going to compare and contrast too much, and will ultimately not give the new guy a fair chance.

 

I'd suggest not talking to her for HIS sake.

[Boughs]

I know I am coming on very rude and strong, its just I've been on both sides of the situation, and both times, i wish I and she, handled it more along these lines.

[mintblossom]

It was classy of you. It must have been hard to do. I wish that I could meet people that had that level of decency. :sad:

[Biffy]

Do you think this will have an effect on her new relationship? Not saying I want it to but I'm curious.

 

 

You may not say that you want it to but I will.

 

What happened to you starting NC with her?

 

You have to let this girl go Nick. Limit your contact and by that I mean NO emails back and forth - I mean when you see her say hi - be courteous but engage in as little conversation as possible.

 

It's for your own good, you keep beating yourself over and over with this and you will do until you put some real time and distance between the two of you.

 

You're clearly not ready to be casual never mind good friends.

[renaissancewoman101]

If she's having doubts about her new relationship, her seeing you strong and confident like the move you made in bringing her and her new bf drinks, might make her interested in you again.

 

But don't hang your hopes in it too much and dont show her how interested you are still in her. Be aloof, go on with your life. When you talk, be happy and friendly to the both of them.

[Nick_t]

Cheers for the comments guys and your input.

 

I just want to point out that I didn't do that the other night as part of a mind game, I geniunly meant it. I am going to continue to be happy go lucky and fun. I am by no means hanging on hopes of anything, she is with someone else period. That has been accepted and it isn't actually me who is initiating contact. I do need to keep it LC as my friend Zombiain keeps on reminding me.

 

After what you have all wrote and now looking at how she is reacting she still is very confused, not necessarily having doubts, but excited about this new relationship, but on the other hand not letting go of the past. This will be unhealthy for the two of them, and if I was in her new bf shoes I wouldn't be very happy that she still contacts me and has a laugh with me. He is being very patient for now but that will soon wear off I'm sure. But the thing is I'm not playing games, I'm not the one hanging around and wanting to chat etc. I can keep LC but it is her who is wanting to chat, see what I have been up to, wants to know what plans I have, initiates the e-mails and MSN chats etc. I agree it is unfair on her new man if I contribute, but there is not much I can do if SHE is the one wanted to stay in contact. I can keep it LC but then again if I feel comfortable chatting to her and continuing to move on then it's up to her to decide what she wants.

 

What do you think??