Help me be myself.. i don't know how anymore

[katcoloradolost]

For the last 2 years, I have been having problems on and off with love.

I got out of the relationship I was in for 4 yrs, a really boring one.

I met that guy who liked the same music as me and was into party a lot.. and since my ex wasnt into these things at all.. I became close with him. Just friends, but we would spend 12h a day together and talk really openly about everything. An amazing friendship..

 

Then, this guy started a band and we would spend less time together, and at this time I met a guy. We became close and were dating. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. But, 1 week before our date as a couple. He changed his mind.

I had a hard time recovering from it. Because I gave all my time and my energy to this person.

He had anxiety problem and would freak out sometimes about our relationship. But, being in love.. I decided to stick with him and not ditch him.

 

Then, we decided to be friends and things were good. Like 2 best friends.

Till I met another guy and he got jealous. He was very possesive of me. Got a fight with him and we haven't talked since.

 

Then, that other guy, very sweet and nice with me. Wanted to be with me.. but he also changed his mind about me after a while.

He went from, ya i wanna be with you, I love you.. to.. just friends. We are still friends now.

 

Got sick of it and decided to take times for myself.

Til, Oct, where that guy I was close told me he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me.. but.. who also changed his mind about me after 3 weeks..

 

and since then, i keep hoping.. and i give myself to that person 100%.. sometimes more..

its the only person who give me back what i give to him..

but now we are friends only..

but.. he is close, and share with me, talk to me, care for me.. we talk and do things like a couple.. be he say he dont love me, im just a friend..

we even fight like couples sometimes..

 

i dont know what to do.. im lost, i know i am the kinda person who give herself a lot to ppl, and i dont know how to do without loosing myself..

because sometimes i really feel that i do..

and i dont want that..

but if i dont give myself to that person, i will feel like i neglect him..

[Alabama]

It sounds like you need to take time and self-reflect on things. Do you want to continue searching for a guy you will like? It sounds like all your choices so far, has been that they will like you for a time, but then lose interest. I suggest take time for yourself for a change and try to relax for a while. If you decide you want to continue to pursue guys, then try to think of new methods of keeping them interested. Don't neccessarily give 100%, as then you'll have nothing left for yourself. Make your own life outside of a relationship, as 100% commiting to one, can lead to unstability. Try to find some stable ground with your life, namely, yourself.