do patterns really exist?

[adidas7fire]

many members may know about my situation with my ex-fiance. but i was given more news about him that totally blew my mind. i found out that a few weeks before we split, he was talking to this chick he's dating now. when i would leave his apt to go home, he would call her to come over and "hang out." but he was doing this behind my back. but this is the funny thing that i just realized...i thought about this whole ordeal and it makes total sense.. when my ex was first talking to me, he was in a relationship with a girl he had been with for over 2 years... and then dumped her for me. thereforeeeee, we were together for over 2 years and he began talking to this girl and then bamm... dumped me to date her. do we see a pattern here? yeah, so it makes total sense that all this would happen. so i am not surprised.. i give this new relationship he has with her the same amount of time before he does it again.

 

so with said, do you really think that patterns exist or do you think a person can change? needless to say, we are no longer friends or anything. we avoid each other like the plague because i figure it's not fair for either one of us to feel hurt over anything. i'm not really feeling hurt by this, more angry and want to kill him for not being honest with me. is that so wrong?

[Mar]

No, it's not wrong, and you've obviously thought this out. My ex was the same way.....rebound relationships like crazy because he ALWAYS thought there was something better out there than what he had, and he ended up in a horrible relationship after he cheated on/left me.

 

Some people are just like that......they ALWAYS want more, and better, and have the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome, and never seem to learn that it ISN'T, and that they're only hurting people and distancing themselves more and more from what they truly want. But some are just scared to be alone...I think it's just a matter of insecurity, and being afraid of being alone so much that they'll keep on with that cycle of cheating/breaking it off with their current partner just so THEY have some measure of security.

 

Sorry, it was sort of hard to word that the way I wanted, but I think you get the general idea! And well done....keep your head up and move on, you're doing great!

[adidas7fire]

thanks mar... that's so true. i think he's totally insecure because for one thing, he was neer financially stable and always using me as him ATM. i was not down for that and so he has gone to someone else to do that to. it sucks that i have realized all that i have now that the relationship is no longer but i'm glad i didn't marry this guy like intended. i would be kicking myself forever. he's so cocky about everything including being in a band (need proof? just go to the site link removed and check out the most recent post he has on that page). i can't stand guys like that and i have to admit, i'm doing pretty well not having any ties with him. thanks for your input.

[Mar]

You're entirely welcome, glad if I helped!!

[glassbell]

Hi

 

Yes this a pattern. Many people have it. Seen it, been there. I was pretty hurt when it happened to me, and I am glad to hear you don't feel as bad about it.

 

People like him have a fear of being alone. He must have felt that the relationship with you was bound to end soon, as you say you were not all that happy about it because he used you as an ATM as you say. His fear of being dumped and thus to be alone again, made him desperately search and find a new girl that could back up for you if you would dump him.

 

I have no idea if he will ever break though his pattern. I expect that this can only happen if someone points out for him that he has the pattern! He doesn't know he has one, which is typical for people with any pattern. Perhaps you can help him in this, and otherwise I hope for him someone else ever explains to him how he is hurting people with his own anxiety problem.

 

Goodluck moving on in your life,

 

~Glassbell