am I wrong?

[moocow]

I feel kind of stupid asking this but... I've been seeing my boyfriend for over a year. I love him to death but one of the things that has always bothered me is that he isn't very romantic at all. He thinks giving me flowers every six months should keep me satisfied. I always give him things, whether it's a pin of his favorite band or a video game I know he's been wanting. He doesn't ever do that kind of stuff for me. He has only twice given me flowers in the entire year we've been together. I've told him that I love it when he gives me gifts, even if it's something small like flowers picked from his yard or a card expressing his feelings for me. I'm not asking for him to spend hundreds of dollars on me. I told him that it makes me feel special when he gives me things, like he remembers me when he's out doing his thing during the day. I feel like all my energy is wasted. I don't give him things because I expect him to buy me things in return. It would just be nice to have someone go out of their way for me once in a while. I don't know what to do. It makes me very unhappy that he's like this and I just don't understand why he won't do anything for me unless I tell him exactly what to do... Please help.

[Race]

i know exactly what you're feeling, i just ended a ten year relationship with a man like that-in my case, there was nothing i could do to make him take the initiative and do little things for me. it wasnt about the monitary value, or the "having of possessions" ...doing little thngs like that were how i showed my love for him, so naturally that's how i expected him to show his love for me.

many other things happened to end the relationship...but what i realized after many tears and lots of frustration was that he was showing me his love in other ways-by "doing"

he'd do the dishes, vaccuum, pay the bills, drive me anywhere i wanted to go etc... and that's how he expected me to show my love for him.

i would suggest getting a little note book, one that fits in your pocket, and write down every thing he does for you-from visiting unexpectedly to renting your favorite movie, you may be surprised at just how much he is showing you he loves you, even though it might not be with trinkets...he is probably showing you oodles of affection.

one reason i think he may not pick up a little this'n'that for you is because he might not know what you like, or he might be so involved in the other things he's doing for you, that he just plumb forgets-

after awhile, read over you're little notebook and see if it measures up to the amount of affection you want from him-and take it from there.

[axe03]

my girlfriend it seems has just dumped me,even though words havent been spoken.all i know is that she says that she is going to be spendidng new years eve with her sister.....right.she did by me things,but everytime she did,she made it clear that it wasnt out of love,she wouldnt say that literally,but she would say somthing like,,oh well,you needed this,and i felt sorry for you...anyways,its hard to tell peoples motives and why they do or dont do things....bottom line,if you love someone for no matter how long,you are going to do what makes them happy,,right?

good luck...axe03

[zippitt]

Race is right, I went through this same very thing with my girlfriend. I loved her very much, but she would always tell me I wouldn't do things that were important to her. She said I acted like I didn't love her. I overeacted and smothered her with affection and gifts. She said it was just what she wanted but in the end it had a lot to do with us splitting up. After all was said and done I read several articles that described how men and women show their love differentely. Men will show their love by taking time off to spend with their lover, go out of their way to do things for her. So take note of all the little things that he does which would require him to take time off the side. You might be surprised at what you find. Heck I am a guy and I was surprised about how much I was actually doing. But I wasn't surprised about how much I really did love her. Anyway good luck.

[-touch-of-heaven-]

That's all so right.

 

Me and my girlfriend broke up recently and I now know that in part it's because I didn't pay enough attention to her in the way she needed me to. I simply didn't know how. I wish she'd have sat me down for a talk to tell me what she was feeling, and what I was doing wrong. It might not be romantic for her to have to tell me what to do, but I just needed to get the idea, after that I assure you she'd have experienced romance. Girls my advice to you is do the same. I'm not talking specifics, just sit your man down and tell him "I don't want you to spend thousands on me, just once in a while, it's nice to know you think of me when you're not next to me. Bring me a little something to make me feel special, to know you think of me."

 

If I'd have known that, and I know now how stupid I was for not knowing, I'd not only have done that, I'd have been so happy to do it I'd burst with joy just knowing I'm doing something to make the one I love feel wanted and loved. Now instead of that we're apart.

 

Now how is that better?

Communication, people!