frustrated and stuck

[beh700]

i hope ya'll don't mind that i just need a cheering up...the thing is i've never had anything sturdy in my life. my family is wonderful but i babysit everyone. and have a lot of guilt issues from them. but i had great friends in school. however, all but one moved by my senior year. i went to college 6 hours away to start over. didn't work because their education major was really poor. so i started applying. got accepted to my favorite school in manhattan with a full ride! then they call me in july saying "we dropped special education (my major) what do you want to do instead?" so i ended up at a college near my hometown on a wing and a prayer one month later. found out first semester that there was a mistake on my acceptance letter and that they dont have my exact degree. instead of working with birth - 2, i would have to work with 1 - 6th grade. and i know what i want to do. and that's not it. so i'm transferring again. i worked myself through this school's tuition and rent at an apartment, 30 hours a week working, and full time student status for the first semester. needless to say, i have no friends outside of classes around this area. had a crazy breakdown in november. so i dropped down to part time student status this semester (devestating, since i'm a really motivated student), and picked up another job, and am now working 45 hours a week until i transfer in the fall. while i have lots of friends, they all live hours away. so my co-workers are my only nearby friends. i started to like one guy (good friend) and now he started dating some one. i've never had a boyfriend. and the only thing that i can rely on are my newfound loves of cigarettes, food and alcohol. i never wanted to be like this. (recently gave up illicit drugs, though.) i'm a very outgoing person but really shy with guys and i'm getting ridiculously desperate and upset. it's either how i look (pictures attached) or WHO i am. because i have met lots of people in my day.

 

thanks for listening to my whirlwind of a lifestory. if anyone has any advice, or similar situations, i would love to listen. thanks...!

[Fisch]

Wow it sounds like the academia is giving you a hard time. However, you are focused, you have a goal, you seem passionate and dedicated to what you are doing. Success is waiting for people like you, I think that you just have to have a pro-active attitude about things as you seem to have done with your education. It will pay off in the end, and you should be proud of sticking to what you know you want to do. As for your social life... I dont want you getting a big head now, but you are a good looking girl. Obviously, I dont know you so I cant tell you why you have never had a boyfriend. You said that you are shy, perhaps you need to just get in there and gain some experience. People will tell you the first thing you need is confidence, the only way you are going to gain that, is to do what makes you nervous until you succeed. Maybe you are just not conveying your interest (in the subtle way that women usually do) to the people you are interested in enough. But like I said I dont really know you, what exactly do you think is holding you back in your social life? What seems to be the problem? You talk of it as so many people do, as if it is fate that is holding you down, but I dont know if you really believe that and it is really just an assumption. Like I said I think that it is useful to take on a pro-active mindset because it gives you the mindset to make the changes you want.

[Sky_Ronin]

Hi. I detect the problem lies in the way that you perceive yourself and that thereforeeee dictates your feelings. First you must eliminate your pessimistic mentality because it is like a disease thats sucking the life out of you.

 

I've seen your picture and you're a cute young lady. You've been through some tough times and yet you're still here. That tells me that you're a strong girl. Don't be so hard on yourself. Enjoy life and live it to the fullest. My philosophy is to work hard and play hard. You obviously have been working hard so its only fair that you reward yourself. As for dating, you need to put yourself out there. Send out signals that your worth the love of another. That you're worth the time and effort for the guy to invest in. If it doesn't work out with one guy then move on to the next until you find mr. right. There's no point in dwelling in the past.

 

One has to love oneself before loving another. That way you'd be a much more happier and radiant person. Its wise to always be optimistic regardless of what you're going through. Optimism has definitely helped me many times and it hasn't disappointed me yet. I wish the best of luck to you and your endeavors.

[beh700]

Thanks so much for the reply!

But like I said I dont really know you, what exactly do you think is holding you back in your social life? What seems to be the problem?

I think that my main problem is that I just don't want to be a hassle. I don't understand how I would be a good person to be with. I over think everything and I just don't ever trust my feelings because they are either bound to annoy someone or hurt me. I have been told I have this issue of "over thinking" but I just don't understand how I can stop thinking!!!! hah, oh well. i'll take that active mindset of yours and keep trying!

 

sky, thanks for the reply too! ya'll hit the nail of my problem, which i know is my confidence. there's that saying of how you can't have love until you love yourself. so i guess i have a bit to go.

[Fisch]

Well, not suprisingly sky_ronin seems to have it right. You need to be unafraid of taking up some SPACE IN THIS WORLD. Dont be touchy about getting what you deserve and want. You dont have to become selfish or greedy to obtain this mindset, you just have to acknowledge your own self worth. Im sure that anyone that talks to you can do so, but if we realize that YOU dont realize it people will lose interest. To be specific, part of loving yourself is putting out the vibe that you know what you want, and that you are worthy of people's attention. If you dont put out this vibe, people have no motivation to live up to your standard.

This is not something to just think about, you need to practice it. Sort of like confidence, you cannot just gain it through contemplation. Set goals for yourself, meet them and be proud. Write out a list of what you want and picture your ideal self. What are you reaching for, why wouldnt you deserve these things? Dont worry so much about others for now, accomplish your own goals, and when you are done look to others to meet YOUR standards. Not only is this attractive, it is healthy.

[Altruist]

... it's either how i look (pictures attached) or WHO i am. because i have met lots of people in my day...

 

 

Where are the pictures. I don't see them anywhere in your profile. Maybe you could reattach them. I would really like to see what you look like.

[Leonhart]

It looks like she edited them out. Go to the off-topic forum and look under the 'post your pic' thread. I believe hers is there, among many others.

[Altruist]

I've seen the pics. I loved the first one.

You are absolutely gorgeous, so it has nothing to do with your looks. Don't worry. Its probably the fact that you have so little free time due to work and study commitments. I think you'll find the right guy soon. Its only a matter of time. Trust me.

[beh700]

oh thanks so much for the reply, tronix. i was just sitting here thinking about this whole situation too. you definitely made my night. !

[Altruist]

oh thanks so much for the reply, tronix. i was just sitting here thinking about this whole situation too. you definitely made my night. !

 

My pleasure!