littlebylittle Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Do you guys think that sometimes dumpees actually move on more quickly. I just ask as I think that the strength with which I've excited my relationship (as the dumpee) is more than when I was the dumper. Sure, I was initially a complete mess, but I feel I've come out of the other side much much stronger and consider myself quite far along the 'I've moved on' path a mere 3 months on. Whilst I didn't have the initial pain when I was the dumper it was far longer before I stopped asking "have I made a mistake" and still had pangs of longing many months on. I know every situation is different, but just wanted to hear some experiences from you guys. Just like to analyse these things........ Link to comment
astaro Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 it really depends on the relashonship i think, sometimes its easier to be dumped and sometimes its easier to dump. right now for instance i am the dumper, but i am having a lot of doubts about my decision, not sure why i broke up with her (well, i broke up with her because i was unhappy not sure if i was unhappy because of the relashonship or because of my life in general) and not sure about my feelings, its been a week and i spend most of my time missing her. as a dumpee on the other hand the feeling of rejection is horible, add that to the fact that you cant see someone your sure you love and it gets a hole lot worse. on the other side of things if the dumper is sure if his actions it most likly wont take long to get over it. as the dumpee the scense of finality (is that actualy a word?) and the feeling that "there is nothing i can do, he/she made their choise" will often help people move on quicker. i do think that if you look at the maximal potential pain in a brake up its probebly higher on the dumpee's end then on the dumper Link to comment
Jetta Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 For some reason it took me longer to move on as the dumper than it has as the dumpee. I've been dumped once and that was because I wouldn't have sex with him (3 weeks into the relationship at 18 years old). Granted I dumped the two guys I ultimately married and the rammifications of divorce (my belief in marriage being for life) has made it harder for me to get over those relationships (and kids being involved). Now I'm virtually sans kids and 12 years later I'm still not completely over my 1st marriage because I see how that relationship has really hurt my life, the subsequent choices to remarry before being ready, etc. So for me being the dumpee has been worse because I made the choice to screw up the kids home. Without kids I know I'd be over the 2nd one for sure by now. The first one is tougher because that was my first real relationship and affected everything. The fact I didn't finish college, the relationship with my parents, etc. The 2nd one has affected me financially, and the emotional part with my daughter has been the most destructive. Link to comment
jengh Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Yes, I've had a horrible time since breaking up with my last boyfriend. He seems to have moved on completely. Me, however, I cry a lot, feel like I've made a big mistake... miss him terribly... Link to comment
Steven1607307306 Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Most definitely. I dumped a girl because of infidelity. My first love, and still my only love. I still love her, but there is no way in hell I can ever tolerate a cheater. I am still getting over her, but it gets easier as time progresses. My advice, cut off contact. Contact with them will only make it worse. Link to comment
Massari Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Most definitely. I dumped a girl because of infidelity. My first love, and still my only love. I still love her, but there is no way in hell I can ever tolerate a cheater. I am still getting over her, but it gets easier as time progresses. My advice, cut off contact. Contact with them will only make it worse. YOu definitely know how it feels. I dumped my gf too because of infidelity and somehow is more diffiult for me to move one then the other time when I was dumped by my other gf.:S veryone knows I made the best decision even I know it too, it has been almost two months and I still miss her. it definitely sucks Link to comment
Me and myself Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I was the dumper in several occasions (altough, looking to the statistics, I was more a dumpee than a dumper) but one of them hit me really hard. After a relationship that lasted for 15 years, 6 of them living together, with two kids at the time, 4 years and 8 months old, I caught her cheating me online with some guy. While I was giving her a second change she continued to cheat me. So, since I've found out until I told her to leave, 3 weeks passed. Deeply I knew what I was going to do but could not accept it. Finally, 3 weeks later, I told her "You have half an hour to pack your things and leave this house!". I still don't know how she could pack everything in such a litle time, but she could made it. I regret all the situation but I had no doubts about it but I reckon these were some of the worst years of my life, mainly because of the kids. Nowadays, I moved on completely but sometimes I feel bitter 'cause while she found someone to live with in a stable relationship that last for 6 years with a kid coming on), I've been alone most of the time, taking care of my two kids alone. I love to take care of them but it doesn't give me enough free time to meet someone new or, at least, the time I think I need. Link to comment
Zaphod Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Whenever i've dumped girls, I've been pretty cool afterwards - I only ever dump them for good reason - i.e. we're fighting, or infidelity, or I don't fancy them anymore/they don't fancy me anymore (superficial but important)/out of love. I must admit to never dumping a girl because we hit hard times - this is almost one of the enjoyable things about having a partner (if they're a good partner that is) - you can see each other through hard times and support each other. Definitely worse being the dumpee for me. Link to comment
Zaphod Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I still love her, but there is no way in hell I can ever tolerate a cheater. Isn't this a contradiction? Or not? I'm confused. Link to comment
NYCB Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 yep... but what do you mean by move on? I know my ex has become involved with another man but I also know she's doing it to get at me and is still in love with me. Does that count as moving on? Me personally, I don't get involved with anyone new until i've grieved and made peace with myself, and I'm truly ready for a new relationship. Link to comment
nym9876 Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I was the dumper, and I didn't realize my mistake until it was too late. Being the dumpee, you get to be angry at the person who hurt you and actually have a reason to move on. As the dumper, you only have yourself to blame, and that is the hardest part. Its been a few months since I've done it and she never came back no matter what I did. I thought because I was the dumper I could make everything right again. That hasn't been the case at all. It sucks right now Link to comment
littlebylittle Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 I guess the reason I asked was that my ex has started seeing someone else and has been for about 6 weeks (so they must have got together around 6 weeks after we split). I feel like I've moved on more though as she always jumps straight into another relationship following the failure of the previous one, but comes to regret it. I just found it interesting that she seems to need an emotional crutch everytime she dumps someone, yet I feel like I've come out much much stronger. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I'm just hoping she hasn't moved on as quickly as me because I'm a little bitter this week! Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 heh, it seems that way right now. I'm the dumpee. My ex bf still can't let me go even though he is already seeing someone else. He dumped me three times. Funny, eh. Link to comment
Zaphod Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I was the dumper, and I didn't realize my mistake until it was too late. Being the dumpee, you get to be angry at the person who hurt you and actually have a reason to move on. As the dumper, you only have yourself to blame, and that is the hardest part. Its been a few months since I've done it and she never came back no matter what I did. I thought because I was the dumper I could make everything right again. That hasn't been the case at all. It sucks right now This makes for painful reading for me. What hurts me atm apart from anything else is I can feel I've lost some feelings for my ex (the dumper) BECAUSE of the fact that she dumped me etc. etc. and what you said. This is almost harder to admit than the fact that she's lost the feelings for me. However I haven't actually seen her yet or spoken to her, but that's the way it is I'm guessing. Link to comment
Steven1607307306 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Isn't this a contradiction? Or not? I'm confused. It means I love her, but it's more of an empty love. It's like the difference between loving, and being in love. Link to comment
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