don't really have trouble talking to women, but still in a rut

[Salucious]

So I used to be VERY shy and not able to talk to most people. I believe I have grown out of it for the most part. I am able to talk to cute girls without being nervous at all; for example a girl that lives in my building who I think is cute has talked to me and I was able to hold conversations. And in one of my classes I was able to go up to a very attractive girl and introduce myself and ask her to be my partner for the class. So I've gotten over the biggest hurdle of feeling comfortable talking to women.

 

So now I think my problem is that I'm not the sort of guy most girls go for. I am not a big partier, so things like parties/clubs/dancing is not my thing. I do go to bars to drink and shoot pool, go to movies, bowling, out to eat, leisurely stuff like that. I think my social circle (or lack of one) might also be a problem. I don't have enough friends to be busy each weekend. The two guys I was probably best friends with and went out drinking with moved away (which bummed me out these past few months). The only real friends I have are my current roomates; and most have girlfriends or have girls they usually hang out with on weekends. I am shy, but when I do talk to girls they never seem interested and would never initiate conversation with my on their own.

 

I think I lack that charm and confident personality that girls are attracted to. I wouldn't say that I have no confidence, it's just I never try to stand out because I don't feel like I should have to impress anyone.

 

People like me once they get to know me but I feel that I just get lost in a sea of people who are so much more outgoing than me. I've never really had the kind of friends that would seek to spend time with me, that would call ME and invite me to do things. I look around and see everyone else my age that have lots of friends and are social. I think that is my big disadvantage with girls. I appear to be anti-social and not have friends; thereforeeee seeming to be no fun or not popular enough. It also limits oppurtunities for meeting girls.

 

I guess the problem is that until I meet a girl, I appear shy. And after they do meet me, I'm comfortable talking with them but I don't seem attractive enough to them because I'm not social enough.

[friscodj]

Hey Sal-

 

I understand what you're saying here and at various times in my life have felt the same way in some respects.

 

I can tell you that you have the basic maxim for meeting women down and that is being able to going up to them and talk to them. You seem to do this well and more importantly you do it naturally, without trying to be something you are not and without being nervous. By doing this, you are standing out and you are being social. This is huge.

 

Do you think every single woman out there enjoys partying, clubs, dancing, etc.? Women go bars, drink, shoot pool, enjoy movies, etc. too. And there are women who like and appreciate shy guys. You are simply being too negative here. You just need to keep doing what you're doing and in time something will come from your efforts.

 

And what about this cute girl in your building? Have you asked her out yet?

 

I think you should also focus on making friends instead of thinking too far ahead and subsequently sabotaging your outlook with negativity here. If you want more friends you can make them. You have the basis to do so. Why not start with joining a pool or bowling league and try some entirely new activities? You make friends, who have other friends which may or may not be single and available or who may know single and available women.

 

The problem here is entirely in your head. You are not comfortable being you, focusing on what you think you lack and what you think every woman out there wants. You have no reason to be this way and changing this is entirely within your control. You have a lot more going for you than you think I can see it very clearly and so will a woman you meet.

[matius]

The problem here is entirely in your head. You are not comfortable being you, focusing on what you think you lack and what you think every woman out there wants. You have no reason to be this way and changing this is entirely within your control. You have a lot more going for you than you think I can see it very clearly and so will a woman you meet.

 

Could this statement be more on point? I ask you.

[Salucious]

nd what about this cute girl in your building? Have you asked her out yet?

 

I don't think she's interested, whenever we talk she never makes any eye contact, it gives me the impression that it is a bother to talk to me.

[ghost69]

when a woman avoids eye contact, it doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you. 2 things could be happening here. she could A) like to talking but avoids eye contact to keep it from progressing, or B) likes talking but avoids contact because she is shy like you. this chick and the one in your class are different scenarios then going out though. these are women that you are forced into a situation with.

 

in a work environment people feel the need to talk in situations like an elevator, staircase, lobby, etc. why? i have no idea. i just look straight forward. strictly professional.

 

in a classroom, you are kind of forced to work with others. the 'scardy cat' tends to go away in these situations. but classrooms are a great place to flirt.

 

i think in your situation here, you need to keep the shy guy personality. it is good that you open up later when you get a conversation going and feel comfortable. i've used the shy guy thing in some situations. usually i'm the one that initiates conversation with women. i used to be really shy and scared of rejection, etc. i grew out of that by just trying. i'm a really confident guy and open. i've had my share of rejection. i'm a good looking guy. i've walked away from being shut down like dam, i look good. lol. looks aren't everything. you can never impress every woman you talk to either. they have tastes too. i think your shy approach will work someday. some woman think it is sexy. but usually, the more outgoing guy will win this battle.

 

i think you should ask your roommates to take you out...just the guys. either that or ask one of them to use their gfs to set you up. couldn't hurt.