at a loss for words

[oops i fe11]

me and my boyfriend will have been dating for a year on march 17th...this is not only my longest relationship i've ever been in....but it's also my first long-distance relationship. we talk on the phone every day and night. i love him more than anything. but lately i've been running out of things to say to him. we're on the phone for long periods of time and now we're plagued with long silences and he'll say 'talk to me' and i won't have anything to say...and then he gets upset because i don't know what to say to him. he frustrates me...but i love him...i just don't know what to do. can anyone offer me some advice?

[Thunderforce]

To be honoust I think you talk TO MUCH! Get a life without him as well and call about two or three times a week and then you will have more to tell him.

 

I'm in a LD myself but only for three months now. We talk only twice a week. And we have a conversation for about half an hour each time. Keep the conversation light but sweet. Keep eachother up to date what happens in your lifes and leave it with that. Don't call to just call ...

 

Instead of calling him, send him a letter, write an e-mail or text with some writings, a joke or just a little sweet talk.

Let him know he makes you happy, even from a distance.

 

Oh and I have a blog on the internet I share with my guy and once in a while we put some little things up for eachother ... only for us to see.

[melrich]

It's hard because what helps sustain long term relationships is shared experiences and friendships, that is you build up a history together to talk about.

 

Because you guys are in a LDR, you don't really get that. I'd suggest you cut the phone calls back a bit, maybe say hi every day but have a longer talk every two or three days. There is nothing worse than awkward phone calls.

[Caprica]

me and my boyfriend will have been dating for a year on march 17th...this is not only my longest relationship i've ever been in....but it's also my first long-distance relationship. we talk on the phone every day and night. i love him more than anything. but lately i've been running out of things to say to him. we're on the phone for long periods of time and now we're plagued with long silences and he'll say 'talk to me' and i won't have anything to say...and then he gets upset because i don't know what to say to him. he frustrates me...but i love him...i just don't know what to do. can anyone offer me some adice?

 

 

Are you guys planning for one (or both) of you to move soon to be together?

 

I completely understand how you feel.... my last relationship was a long distance one, and was that way for over a year. We visited when we could but things did not work out for us. I'm not sure they would have had we not been long distance, but in the end I think that definitely put a strain on the relationship. On the other hand, I know of personally a couple who was LD for about the same time, and they are now married happily You just have to communicate what you are feeling to him and and he to you.... and know that it can be frustrating when all you have to communicate are words, when you want there to be more than that.

 

Good luck to you

[Daligal83]

I'm in an LDR and we talk everyday too. We usually talk for a half hour everyday. Once in awhile we'll get the silences too, but then we usually play the question game. Take turns asking each other something about them or your relationship and whoever asks has to answer too. It can be hypothetical situations too. A lot of the time, just one question can start you off on a whole new conversation.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it's hard to just 'hang out' together on the phone because of the natural tendency to fall into silences sometimes... if you were in a room together, both would just watch TV, or read, or go off and do their thing...

 

so it's not bad news that you have silences, but your boyfriend needs to accept that sometimes conversation comes to a natural halt and saying bye for now (and talking again when you have something to say) is OK... maybe talk to him about it so he doesn't feel that silence sometimes and ending a phone conversation 'early' is a bad thing when it really isn't.

[zerohalo]

You could try really silly things, like watching a TV show together over the phone and then talk about it afterwards. Look up something goofy on the internet and talk about it. The question game sounds like a great idea too. Long silences can suck over the phone or in person. Sometimes just knowing the person is on the other end of the line, even when you can't think of something immediately to say, can be nice.

[ten]

i know exactly how you feel. my ex and I would be on the phone for like 4 hours every night until she fell asleep. The silences are frustrating... but you have to put that extra effort to compensate for the loss of physical connection. We had a few arguments about the silence, mostly me saying she doesn't talk enough and her saying she had nothing to say... So to avoid the arguments I would ask her questions to get her to talk and then from there she would ramble on.

 

what helped me was to remember what was going on in my gf's life and ask her about it. like how a certain test was or how her project is turning out, how her grand father is.. if she's talked to old friends etc.. you get the idea

it shows that you care and it's something important to talk about.

also have fun, i like to question her about what's she wearing to bed etc and then from there it kinda get's a little ahem.... it kind of makes it feel like you're not just going through a whole day and then summarizing it to your significant other.

 

oh and someone on another thread suggested getting a webcam. I've never tried it but if me and my ex get back together *cross fingers* then that's the first thing I'm going to try.

 

~ g luck