Things I should have said to you when I ran into you at the pet store, but didn't...

[gefiltepez]

because I have too much tact and concern for your feelings...

 

Sorry I broke up with you 3 times, but you said yourself that it was the right thing to do, and was something that you could never bring yourself to do. Sure sometimes we were on shaky ground, but I never once cheated on you or even dated anyone when were on one of our "breaks." Why do you have to love contradiction and strife so much? That doesn't work in a relationship. Of course you were in love with me, your pathology guaranteed it. Every guy you ever dated was entranced by the fact that you are a powerful, self assured beautiful confident woman. They ALL did whatever you told them to do. Of course you loved me like none of your previous puppies. I didn't put up with your nonsense. We were equals. You learned from me, I learned from you. And of course I was in love with you. You're beautiful, intelligent, fun, caring (most of the time) and the sex was fantastic.

 

So why do you have to let your b.s. pathology get in the way of everything that could be good and right with us? I mean %$#@! Even when we try to be friends your pathologically selfish behavior screws it up. You think I never considered you to be a long term option, but you're out of your mind if can't see that I was and still am in love with you. I didn't break up with you because I don't love you, I broke up with you because you are wholly incapable of having a modicum of perspective or self reflection when it comes to "us." SSOOOOO......

 

Thanks for always assuming the worst of my intentions

 

Thanks for acting jealous and childish about the fact that some of friends happen to be women. In case you didn't notice, you're the one with the history of infidelity, whereas I have never cheated on anyone in my life. Thanks for projecting your personal foibles on me.

 

Thanks for starting a fight with me at the airport because I forgot to bring my camera instead of being appreciative about the fact that I was about to spend 5 grand to take to Europe when you had never before been further than Tijuana.

 

Thanks for not caring enough about our relationship to stop guilting me about imagined slights and projections of your insecurities.

 

Thanks for making me feel bad about being friends with certain people.

 

Oh and lest we forget, thanks so much for asking me out to dinner last month after a year under the guise of trying to catch up and be friends, and then not only informing me that you were moving in with the new boyfriend THAT NIGHT, but also trying to make out with me in the bathroom! Thanks, that was awesome, nicely done. Did you really need to try to mind trip me like that? Was it necessary to cry and ask me if we might be together one day? What the hell kind of question is that? You're moving in with your boyfriend!!!

 

I am sorry you're feeling uneasy about moving in with a guy who is obviously a rebound and whom you have only been dating for 4 months, but don't use me as some ridiculous science experiment to see if you still have feelings for me, and then deny what happened in an email when you didn't like what you found out.

 

I am sorry that your new boyfriend is yet another in a long line of invertebrates you have dated, but wasn't it obvious to you that pattern would rear it's ugly head once again? Clearly you're rebelling against finding another person who might have the intestinal fortitude not to put up with your demanding inflexible impulses, but did you deliberately seek out the biggest weakling you could find, or did it just work out that way? Does he ever disagree with you? Does he ever say no? I doubt it.

 

I didn't plan on running into you and him and the rest of the crew the other night, but at least I was cordial, made friendly conversation, and didn't make everyone feel awkward about the situation. If anyone had a reason to feel uncomfortable it was me, what with you groping him and kissing him right in front of me. What a childish ploy that was. Thanks for being so respectful of my feelings. Yet despite it all, there I was offering my hand to him and saying "nice to meet you" while he gave me a weaker handshake than my 4 year old nephew, refused to make any eye contact with me whatsoever, and said 2 words during the entire conversation. Am I really that intimidating?

 

Anyway whatever, I hope you are enjoying your new lapdog, but I was disappointed that you decided to replace me with such a spineless tool. At least he hasn't realized yet that you still have stronger feelings for me than for him, I don't know what that would do to his fragile ego.

 

That said, against my better judgment, I will always love you and I know you feel the same, so if you ever decide that maybe "we" could be more important than your "id" gimme a call, but that's probably not gonna happen, so have a nice life. I hope you enjoy your time with your brand new jellyfish friend and all the invertebrates that follow.

[sweetheart607]

hun you have been through the mill haven't you. Easier said than done but i think your better off without, if not now you will be in the future. And if she does come wanting you back and u decide to i think you should make serious changes and talk to her about this, possibly show her this, it's cutting but she might need to see it in black and white. But you sound lovely and to use an old cliche there are other fish in the sea. Good luck xxxx

[Wandering_Sword]

Keep strong. It seems that you have taken the high road in this situation. Congratulations. We're here for you if you need us.

[light bulb]

I'd have almost the exact same things to say to my ex if I could articulate 1/2 as good as you. Sounds like the same girl. Rejection is a *****, however, you are the bigger person and I hope you never forget that.

[need2bme]

WOW! So you, I AND Oatmeal are ALL dating the same girl?

 

Well put post and I understand. My ex was flirting, holding hand, kissing, acting as if we were together (OTHER THINGS ;-) ), all why she liked this guy AND she IS living with him now and just called to wish ME a Happy Valenines Day.

 

What you wrote is what I wish I could say too, but at least you took the correct way out and didn't say those things...you DID take the high road, although I sometimes wonder if we should say those types of things.

 

Blender once posted to me that it is not my job to teach her anything. Still, it sometimes feels like she has to pay no penance.

[gefiltepez]

thanks everyone for taking time to reply. I just needed to get some things off my chest. Since I live fairly close to where she lives now, it is inevitable that I will run into her again. Hopefully I can continue to take the high road even though it kills me to see her with her new boyfriend. I feel like it's my fault obviously, because I am the dumper, but that doesn't change how I feel about her. It is a crappy situation. I want to be with her, but I have no confidence in our mutual ability to not drive each other crazy. So, hopefully next time I see her it will look more like this: than this:

 

Hope everyone is having a great wednesday!

[gefiltepez]

EDIT - oops wrong thread (ignore)

[light bulb]

So if you don't mind me asking, why do you want to still be with her? I'm not asking to be a jerk, its just that I can't help but feel the same way. I dumped my gf b/c of the fighting and her lying. I know she's started seeing other people right away. I question whether or not she ever cheated on me although I tend to think she did not - all the lying makes me question everything though (naturally). I just don't get why I would still want her after all this. Why do I feel like the one who's being rejected when I should be out celebrating?

[gefiltepez]

So if you don't mind me asking, why do you want to still be with her? I'm not asking to be a jerk, its just that I can't help but feel the same way. I dumped my gf b/c of the fighting and her lying. I know she's started seeing other people right away. I question whether or not she ever cheated on me although I tend to think she did not - all the lying makes me question everything though (naturally). I just don't get why I would still want her after all this. Why do I feel like the one who's being rejected when I should be out celebrating?

Well I do and I don't want to be with her still, although if the opportunity presented itself I would be hard pressed to turn it down. The thing is, I could probably get her back if I really wanted to. I broke up with her, she did not want to end things, but she also knew that there were some pathologically contentious aspects of our relationship, so she couldn't completely say I was in the wrong.

 

So, to answer your question simply, I guess I would still like to be with her because I love her and I always will.

 

She has her faults and has pulled some really selfish crap over the years, as my rant highlights. However, she is actually a really good person. She is dedicated to her family. She is generally openminded. She is generous. She is loving and sweet most of the time and although she had infidelity problems in the past, she respected me and never in 3 years cheated on me. Not that that is some monumental accomplishment, but considering she cheated on almost all of her boyfriends before me, it is something. Generally he biggest fault is her tendency to allow her pigheaded stubbornness to turn into selfishness and lack of understanding or perspective. I would say that character trait resulted in many many many of our fights and I just didn't see a time when we would stop butting heads.

 

So, my situation is kind of strange. I broke up with her over a year ago, and she tried to get back together with me. I said no, and I have avoided persuing her ever since, even though not a day goes by that I don't think about being with her. I do it for my best interests, and becuase I really don't believe in that relationship as viable. But that doesn't mean I am not tempted to call her and tell her I made a mistake. I guess that is the burden of being the dumper. As others have pointed out, when you are the dumper you are always going to be saddled with the possibility that you made a mistake, especially when you didn't end the relationship for lack of love, but rather because it was probably the right thing for both of you.

 

It is really hard to stay disicplined about it, but I think long term it will serve me best. That doesn't mean she isn't the love of my life, and that doesn't mean I don't still wish I could just hold her in my arms and know that the problems of our past are behind us.

 

It is a contradiction to be sure, but one that discipline and objectivity creates.

 

Hope that helps Oatmeal

[need2bme]

However, she is actually a really good person. She is dedicated to her family.

 

Generally he biggest fault is her tendency to allow her pigheaded stubbornness to turn into selfishness and lack of understanding or perspective. I would say that character trait resulted in many many many of our fights and I just didn't see a time when we would stop butting heads.

 

WOW! This is exactly what my ex was like and what we used to go through. Thank you for posting it. I have never thought of it that way.

 

I don't know if I could get back with my ex. I miss her as a friend, but I deserve someone who will love me and put me first and at least try to compromise.

[gefiltepez]

WOW! This is exactly what my ex was like and what we used to go through. Thank you for posting it. I have never thought of it that way.

 

I don't know if I could get back with my ex. I miss her as a friend, but I deserve someone who will love me and put me first and at least try to compromise.

Yeah, it was very frustrating. If you also add in the fact that she was hypersensitive and often misinterpreted my intentions in the worst possible light, you have an explosive combination of a quick trigger along with the unwvering resolve to be right all the time. Glad I could help articulate that for you.