broke 40 days no contact

[missmebaby]

i was 40 days into no contact with my ex boyfriend and i blew it. i called him up thinking i would be ok talking to him, and i just wanted to find out how he was doing and how his family is since i was practically closer to them than i was to my own family. him and i dated for a year, we've been broken up for 6 months now but its really more like we've been broken up for like 2 1/2 months because after we broke up we still talked on the phone everyday, hung out alot, and tried to get back together but it never ended up working out. basically he played me and used me until he found someone else. i was bitter about it for a long time, hence the no contact, but i figured maybe we could have a friendly conversation and not grow to be strangers. i loved him so much and i guess i still do and always will and i think it would be horrible to become strangers with someone i was so close to and shared so many things with. but i guess he doesnt feel the same.

 

i called him and he answered right away and at first he was nice and polite and asked me about myself, the first 5 minutes he was being really nice making conversation and things were going good. but as soon as i tried to be polite and ask him how him and his gf were doing and i asked a few things about her, he jumps down my throat saying "why do you care? i dont ask you about you and your boyfriend." the rest of the conversation didnt go so great either, he made a few sarcastic comments and never asked me anything about myself. i dont understand why he would treat me like that, i havent talked to him in over a month, you think he would at least have wondered a little tiny bit about what ive been up to but i guess not. he didnt even seem like he wanted to be friends or cared about me at all. i guess i just need to let it go, i just really wanted to at least stay in touch with the guy that i cared about more than i ever cared about anyone and the one guy ill never forget. i was so close to his family, it was like i was one of them. but he has this new girl and i guess hes totally over me and doesnt care whether he ever talks to me again. i find that so hard to believe but i guess some people are just like that. they can forget about someone they were totally in love with and spent a great period of time with. i cant think of any other reason why he could be so rude to me and not even ask about me, other than he doesnt care about me at all anymore. i have a new boyfriend that ive been with for about 2 months and i love him and hes great to me, but for some reason my ex is in the back of my mind sometimes and its so frustrating. theres that one person that you will never get over and i think hes going to be that guy.

[kellbell]

Hey missme,

 

Try not to beat yourself over this. It's okay. (((hugs)))

 

I also wanted to point out a few things because I did the same stuff in the past. Try not to place expectations on people. The way I see it, you were expecting your ex to play nice and deleve into his life with you because you both have moved on and have new people in your lives. Nothing went the way you expected at all. I have learned the hard way not to do that. I am still learning.

 

Also, it is my feeling your ex is the back your mind because they way things ended and the fact nothing went according to what you are comfortable with. My advise to you is to let this go once and for all. You did everything you could and things always get messy everytime you take a stab at making things "right." But right for whom? You are with someone new, someone you cherish and feels the same about you. Nothing else should matter.

 

I recommend you never contact your ex again. Hang in there and enjoy the time with your new beau.

 

(((hugs)))

[settinuplife]

I would maybe, just to give yourself closure, send him and email in a couple months and let your say what you want to say to him and leave it at that. That way you'll have peace within yourself. I have been on strict NC for over 4 mos. and the one thing that kills me inside is if something happens to my ex I don't want her to think I hate her and I think I would regret it if I didn't spill my guts in one last email about how I feel, so at least it would end on good terms even if she don't write back. I'm still debating on when and if I should write this email to her for closure or not.

[missmebaby]

i guess one of the things that bothers me the most about it is that he had JUST broken up with a girlfriend of a year when i met him and started dating him. his ex went psycho calling him all the time, threatening me, sending him cards, and trying to break us up. he called her psycho and said he couldnt stand her but yet he talked to her a few times a week on the phone. me and him had a great relationship and he said it was so much better than the relationship he had with her and that he loved me more than hes ever loved anyone. yet after 6 months he cheated on me by sleeping with her. but he said it was the biggest mistake ever and begged me to take him back and i did. 6 months go by where he doesnt talk to her at all and things are amazing between me and him. but then we break up and i find out that he called her and has been talking to her and he even met up with her at the bar once. at this time me and him were talking again trying to work things out so i flipped out on him because i couldnt understand why he kept talking to her. he said he doesnt care about her at all, just thought they could be friends.

 

this girl was crazy and he made fun of her alot saying she was psycho. but he talked to her and wanted to stay friends. why isnt he like that at all with me??? if he loved me so much more and we had a better relationship why did he want to stay friends with her and not me? why did he cheat on me with her, but he acts like he doesnt even want to talk to me anymore? i guess i just keep comparing the way he acted with her to the way he acts with me.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

"i guess i just keep comparing the way he acted with her to the way he acts with me."

 

 

This is hard not to do but you have no idea the amount of truth your ex was telling you. For all you know, he could have been encouraging her throughout the duration of your relationship. Why would she be bothering (sending cards, calling, etc) if he was not giving her any incentive to do so? And the fact he ended up cheating on you makes me very skeptical of anything he told you throughout the year you dated. Remember, there is ALWAYS two sides of the story and your were only getting his. Things appear shadey to me.

 

He has proven over and over that he cannot be trusted so to me, his credibilty about anything he says to you at all is in question. He has proven over and over he cannot be trusted...at all. Why be friends with a liar and someone whom cheated on you? Like I wrote before, I would let this go. Invest your time and energy with your new boyfriend, your ex does not even deserve an once of it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it sounds like he was MORE than friends with the other girl he broke up with, using her for sex while he was with you... and cheating on you several times. so it doesn't sound like he wanted to be friends with her, he wanted to use her, and lied to you to do it, and to see other women too...

 

this guy does not sound worth being friends with to begin with... he is not a good friend, and cheats on his girlfriends. he may just be totally into the new woman he has right now and doesn't want to get caught talkign to an ex because some girlfriends don't like that.

 

regardless, he sounds like someone you should get out of your life totally, even if you do have some nostalgic feelings towards him, he is not good partner material, so move on and dont' contact him.