at what point do you give up?

[SarCareBear]

i have been trying to pursue this guy, one of my good friends, casually for a while now. he's super intense and will regularly admit it basically takes an army to get his guard down, thus, the spontaneous kiss will not seem to make itself happen. we've been talking a lot since second semester started, and hes taken to being rather anti-social and generally depressed, kind of staying in his room alone unless someone knocks and he'll let them come in and chill or whatever, while he continues to do his own thing. i textd him tonight *always dumb, i know* to say that i enjoyed a convo we had just been having, but please for the sake of our friendship, can he please let me know if there is a chance for us to talk about "us" (because it is a subject that has come up once in a while, always with a promise of "soon" or at the "right time"). even though i'm pretty sure he got said text he just hasnt answered it. i followed with, well, if you respect me at all, i'll be waiting for the answer. he hasn't answered them (something he's done before).

 

okay, i KNOW text messages are dumb and theres no way to even be 100% sure he got them. i know i can't just expect to change him or be the answer to his misery, but is there anything i can even do??? as connected as we are, and we both admit it, every time i try to get closer to him he seems to just want to escape, literally fall through the floor. i just want so badly to show him all the care i have for him. and if he wasn't into me, wouldn't he just admit it and spare the awkwardness?? so now, especially in light of the text message, what should i even do??? this is bumming me out so much.

[g1234567890h]

Sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him you'd like to date and experience life with him. I'm not really sure what your relationship is with him, but if you're really persistent and loving I think he'll open up to you. It worked on me.

[Skippy]

well at what point to you take yourself seriously??

After texting, "if you respect er you will answer" and he hasnt answered.

So what does that say?

As much as you like and talk to this guy you have to show yourself some self respect. He hasnt answered thus he doesnt respect you that much, until he does walk away.

I hope that when you find someone special in your life he will give you the respect of answering your phone calls and your sms's without to having to ask for it.

From your short description i would say look outside, there maybe someone better for you.

[Psylocke]

Take my advice and run away from him unless you can really deal with someone who has depression, likes to brood and is antisocial. I know the itch is there to 'chase' and hope you can change him but there is nothing you can do until he is ready to change his behavior.

 

Seriously I've went thru the same thing in the past few years and I'm a bit older than you. It's incredibly difficult to deal with and you end up blaming yourself and wondering what you're doing wrong because he won't be social or clams up and hides. We had txting, IM, dates (if you call it that), deep conversations and all that. Nothing changed and it become an odd 'very' close friendship when we were together.

[annie24]

well, i think it may be good to stay his friend, but he doesn't really sound like boyfriend material. if you are right, and he is indeed depressed and brooding, it sounds like he has some issues to work through before he can be a loving, supportive boyfriend to anyone.

 

I don't know how much you are "chasing" but i wouldn't push it. if he is holding back from entering a relationship with you, then don't force him.

 

how is he when he is with you? does he ever ask you to come over and do stuff with him? or are you the one initiating everything?

[SarCareBear]

the bad problem is we live accross the hall from eachother, and thus hang around with the same friends, the people who live around us. i have other friends that i can get out and spend time with, but bottom line i still live there.

 

so especially not knowing if he received the messages, which i can really only kick myself for sending, i can usually hold back just fine... just gonna be awkward and bad when i see him again, no matter what (i'm away for the weekend). AHH!!