Trouble with Mom

[Ferahgo]

I'm a teenager and I'm living with my mom. We live in a big house, you know, on the outside everything looks nice about our family, and that we've got no problems and all that.

 

But, in reality, it's a mess. My mom's been mentally ill for almost 10 years (Bi-polar disorder, Chronic depression, OCD, and severe insomnia) and she can't really do anything but get angry at my brother (13) and I no matter what we do anymore (why will be explained). We're not allowed to see our dad because he beat me a lot, and my aunt and uncle are trying to tell my mom that she's an unfit parent. Everyone in my family is giving my mom a lot of pressure to turn my brother and I in to one of them to live with, and a lot of them have threatened to file with social services/Children's Aide that she's an unfit parent, when my brother and I know full well that she's a fully capable mother, despite her mental incapacitations. She's been going through a lot of work and she's gotten a lot better.

 

 

The thing that I'm concerned with, is that since they've all been pressuring her to give up Wyatt and I, she's been regressing and her mental problems are getting worse, and I'm so overwhelmed at what the rest of my family is doing that I don't know what I can do to help. Any thoughts?

[shikashika]

I think its great that she has a caring child like you! I think your aunt and uncle and whoever else should butt out I would suspect that you and your brother are probably the only bit of stability or joy she has in her life...and to take you away would be cruel

 

i really don't know the legalities in a situation like this so I don't know what you can do or can't..

 

Can you talk to your relatives about this? do you they know your thoughts?

[gfein347]

Hi and welcome to ENA! I'm sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, though.

 

Why not try talking to your aunt and uncle, and any other family members that are pressuring your mom? You could always try to tell them that the pressure she's feeling is causing her mental illnesses to get worse, and that if they'd ease up, things might get better.

 

If you have tried talking to them, what did they say?

[Ferahgo]

Thank for that advice, but I sort of already tried that.

 

 

What happened was (I forgot to put this in my original post) last week a bunch of them were planning to come over while I was at school. It was, however, a snow day, and I was in my rom. I woke up and I heard some yelling downstairs in my grandma's room (she live in the east area of the house, she's got the bathroom and bedroom and living room of her own and all that) and I found out from her (she's the only one who supports my mom outright, but she doesn't want to openly confront them) that apparently, a lot of my family comes over and pressures her every few days while I'm at school. I heard a few days later (yesterday, a snow day again. Yay.) the same thing again, so I went down the stairs and I listened in, and it wasn't even pressuring, it was most of my family subliminally demeaning her. I think they're trying to make her think she's an unfit mother so she'll give me up willingly. Anyway, I went in and I told all of them off, and lost my temper when my uncle told me to leave, and I punched him and told him to get out. They haven't been back yet, but it's only been a day. I'm 15, but I'm a lot more attuned to these situations than most kids, and I know that what they're doing is VERY wrong. Do you guys have any advice (other than "don't punch your uncle again?)

[gfein347]

How about a letter or email to your aunt and uncle that respectfully and thoughfully explains your position? That way, there won't be any shouting or hurt feelings, and they'll have more time to consider what you're saying.

 

Also, an apology to your uncle would probably be good.

[glegend]

As good as this advice is its also bad. His aunt and uncle are concerned about him and his brother. Which you have to admit is good. If his mother is unfit and if he is having problems at home then he can not focus on his school workand his life. Now the thread doesn't mention what kind of things happen at home but in the end living with a relative may be the right thing to do and visit his mother on a regulary basis. Let me ask you this, if you stumbled onto some child pornography on the internet would you report it to the police?

 

Talking with your relatives is the best thing to maybe they can help without getting caught up in the middle of this.

 

 

I think its great that she has a caring child like you! I think your aunt and uncle and whoever else should butt out I would suspect that you and your brother are probably the only bit of stability or joy she has in her life...and to take you away would be cruel

 

Can you talk to your relatives about this? do you they know your thoughts?

[petal68]

you know what? - you are an amazing person. You are caring, intelligent and thoughtful. Tell your Mum that she has your support. Tell her that you are a team and that you will get through this together. She will gain strength from your strength.

 

As for your relatives... well judges are cluey when it comes to interfering relatives. If your Mum loves you and you and your Brother are well cared for - ie: fed and watered, then you should be ok.

 

Your Mum needs to feel like you guys are a team. Feeling loved and cherished helps most people feel as if they can face another day.

 

I think you are a wonderful child (teenager!). Keep being just as you are.

 

Petal