Flaky girl.

[tomservo]

So, there's this girl that I've kinda been dating for the past several months. She can be real flaky sometimes. Like, not calling when she says she will, etc. She understands that she does this and will apologize. So far the only thing I've said about it is stuff like "It's okay. Things happen." Whatever.

 

We haven't spoken in a few weeks, other than online. My question is, if she calls or contacts me in any way, what should I say? If she brings up the flaking out stuff, should I say something about it? I mean, I really like her, she's really cool and cute and I know she likes me, but I'm kinda tired of wasting my time. Although, I guess if she really liked me she wouldn't flake.

[zerohalo]

Although, I guess if she really liked me she wouldn't flake.

There's your answer.

[Kalika]

Tom -

 

She may have some doubts about you, this is true. I don't necessarily think it means she doesn't like you. Could it be that she doesn't like you? Of course... But I know that I've been interested in guys, and yet I can't pick up the phone. I don't know why.. It's hard for me sometimes, and I'll get anxious just thinking about it ... But it gets easier when I feel more comfortable with that person.

 

If she's shy, then try calling her and encourage her to call you. Tell her you'll be looking forward to hearing from her. Just give her a gentle push in the right direction, and if she still doesn't call you, then you know you tried.

[mirandao]

Unfortunately it's not a good sign when someone 'flakes out' for a good deal of time and doesn't talk to you for several weeks. In my experience it means that they aren't taking you as seriously as you may be taking them. It's happened to me before where I was 'kinda dating' a person and I knew they liked me, I hung on and waited, and ultimately found it would have been better if I had just blown them off.

 

As for the question you asked, I think that if a person like that called me, I'd probably just play it cool and not act too overly interested. I wouldn't bother confronting them, since often people that act that way hardly aknowledge it (in my experience at least). Maybe you could agree to another date or something if you'd really like to give this person another shot, but you've got to decide if it's worth being hurt emotionaly. Personally, I would back away and let the person contact me, that seems to be what you're doing now anyway.

 

Hope all goes well,

 

-J

[annie24]

Could you give us more background information? How often do you two see each other? And how often does she flake on you? 50% of the time? Who is initiating the phone calls?

 

Depending on what you say, I really would only have 2 options. either, 1) just forget about her. It sounds like she is just flakey and that you are probably wasting your time. or 2) Confront her. just be like, hey, I am not cool with being flaked on, I want someone who makes more of an effort to be with me, so if you want to be with me, you're going to have to step up.

[tomservo]

Okay, so believe it or not, the same night I started this thread she called me. She was like "I was started to think you were a little anti-Jenny". (not her real name)

 

I said "Why do you think that?" And she just said "Because of my paranoia."

 

Anyway, she wanted to know if I was going to this show in a couple of weeks that a friend of hers had invited me to and I said "yeah, I was planning on going before that anyway" and she said "Good, because I'm definitely going now" Or something to that effect.

 

Then, the other night, her friend had a party and I went and she was of course there too. She kinda hung on me most of the night and things were cool. And, this is funny, me and her and her friend, who is a guy, were talking and he mentioned how illogical women can be. And she said something about how women do things to screw up potential relationships and how much it sucks.

 

Anyway, as we were walking out to our cars after the party she was like "I miss you. Call me." And so I called her the next night. No answer. Left a message. Next night. Same thing. She leaves me a MySpace comment saying "Sorry you haven't been able to reach me on the phone lately." That night I call again. No answer. I didn't leave a message.

 

Now, for a little more background about her, she told me when we first met that she hadn't dated anybody in like 4 years. I think her and her last boyfriend were actually engaged and he turned out to be a real * * * * * * * or something. I don't know if she is just nervous and unsure because it's been so long or what. I really get the feeling that she would like to date me but for whatever reason is extremely hesitant. Like, she doesn't want to date me, but she doesn't want to NOT date me. If that makes any sense.

 

She's basically done everything to make a sane guy pissed off, but I'm not that angry to tell you the truth. I'm frustrated, confused, and annoyed but I don't hate her or anything. My question is what do I say to her next time we talk? We're definitely going to see each other about a week from now at the show, but how should I handle this? I think that unless she brings it up I'm not going to say anything. If she says anything about flaking out or not returning my calls I want to tell her that I'm tired of wasting my time and that she needs to make up her mind.