I'm Starting To Feel It Was Something Else

[kimber271]

Thank you all for letting me post here. It all started when I was supposed to pick him up from the airport 2 saturdays ago. he calls me on his layover cancelling saying he was "just going to take a shuttle home." I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks, and I was SO excited to see him, then he cancelled. I even rearranged my weekend to pick him up, and he just cancells.

 

Since he's been home, he's been REALLY "depressed." He's had a lot to deal with lately, but he's had these issues on his plate for months, and NEVER has he treated me like he has the past 2 weeks!

 

I put depression in quotation marks, because I think it may be more than that. I believe he isn't telling me something as we've only seen each other for 3 hours in the past 2 weeks since he's been home. he wanted me to go almost as soon as I drove up to his place that day! It's like he couldn't stand me. He doesn't call anymore, we haven't had sex in a month, he doesn't want my help, its so confusing.

 

He's said he's going through a lot and isn't happy with himself, but lately, he'll say he's going to do something, then doesn't. says we'll get together over the weekend, then doesn't even contact me. When I email him and ask him if I can do ANYTHING, or "what's up", I get a one sentence email back saying, "everything is fine babe, i want you in my life, i'm going to take a shower." Then never calls.

 

I don't know at this point if he's actually depressed, or pushing me away because there's someone else. I feel stupid because I've been just loving him thru this. I offer him help with ANYTHING and try to be there in any way, but all I get back is a texts and broken promises. He said he'd call me yesterday, never did. I'm just feeling really hurt and betrayed, and I'll get over this, it's just so frustrating.

[Parsley]

Please please please call him on it. My ex was just like that...started paying less and less attention to me, it got to me contacting him all the time, never the reverse, I'd be surprised if he did, even more shocked if he answered the phone when I rang him. I'd been living 3 hours away, and moved back home, and it wasn't until 3 weeks later (and a week before he broke up with me) that we saw each other. We'd gone shorter times when I wasn't living in the same county. He'd arrange to meet me and also just not contact me - leaving me waiting for hours before giving up, cancelling seeing me to get his haircut.

 

And it completely destroyed me...even before he dumped me. It got so soul destroying, I was crying everyday, and still blaming it on myself, and making excuses for him. When he finally broke up with me, I hated myself for not asking him what he thought he was doing.

 

So please, I am begging you here...talk to him. If he really does love you and wants to be with you, you can sort it out. But you must be open and honest with him about how it makes you feel, and tell him to be to, because it will hurt you so much more if you just leave it to build up!

 

x

[kimber271]

Thanks Parsley! You are so right. I've asked him several times what I should do, why he's doing this, and he told me he's not seeing anyone else, just going through something and wants me in his life.

 

What gives him the right to treat me like this though, even if he is depressed. He said this in a cruel way last time I saw him, "I don't want to have to babysit you and find things to do for you. I have too much going on!" Those were his exact words as he was trying to shove me out of his door. I missed him SO much after not seeing him, and he tells me the reason he wants me to go is he "doesn't want to entertain me." I told him over and over he didn't need to, nor has he EVER had to. I'm totally laid back, and just wanted to be with him and help him out.

 

I just feel Im being played like a fool. He said he'd call, never has, doesn't even care to see me. I've tried to lay off, be cool, and let him know i'd do anything for him, yet it doesn't matter. It sounds like something is up. I know he's treating me wrong and I have to go, but I'm feeling a lot right now.

[Parsley]

Agh, I know how you feel! I spent so long just desperately trying to get it through to him that I loved him and would help him in any possible way I could, that I had missed him so much and just wanted to see him. I'd moved back home after leaving uni...I wasn't the happiest I'd ever been either, and he just seemed to ignore me completely.

 

You deserve to be treated with some respect. That's something that really makes me angry now that I look back at it - he just completely brushed me to one side like I was the sideline that could afford to be disposed of, and brought back when he wanted. You know what? I didn't see him from the 5th of November to the 22nd of December, and I'd moved back home on the 1st of December. When I did finally see him? He didn't say a single word to me until *after* we'd had sex. Not one of my proudest moments, but I was just so happy to be with him after so long that I didn't care at the time...well not that much.

 

Personally...if I were in your position I would get angry. You've tried reasoning with him and he just won't have any of it. If he won't acknowledge what he's doing to you and try and change...break it off. It might seem like a really harsh thing to do to someone who is 'depressed' (as you say) but if you carry on letting him do this, you'll end up the same way. I speak from experience.

 

x

[kimber271]

Thanks girl. I HAVE to break it off. If he is really just depressed as he says, the way he is treating me is in no way right. What am I supposed to do after reasoning with him, telling him how much I love him and will do anything, then get nothing back.

 

He doesn't even have the decency to call when he says he will. If he's depressed, can't he at least let the one he's been with for 3 years know he's just at home, reading or something, and he loves me or. No, nothing. Just silence, and false promises.

 

You've really helped me see if from an outside view. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you had to go through it, but I'm glad you're free now.

IF he ever calls, I'm not taking his calls for a while, and FOR SURE just ending this.. It hurts way too much. I love this man with all my heart, and I've always been the one that put more effort into us, but it's never been this bad.

Thank you

[Parsley]

Hope you're ok, let me know how things turns out!

 

x

[kimber271]

Thanks so much! I'm just conflicted as to what to do right now. Email him and tell him what a jerk he's being to me, or just let him go for good and not talk to him anymore.

I look back now, and through the course of our relationship, he handled problems by ignoring me, shutting me out, or calling me a child.

I'm much better off without him, it just hurts to have it end this way.

Thank you again so much!

[Cindersam]

I agree with Parsley. I was in a relationahip for 6 years. THe first 5 were great but during the last one he would act just like yours is, off and on.

 

I also thought he was depressed and stressed at work and with his kids (he has 3). I asked him several times if there was something wrong and he always claimed it was work or his kids (or wacko ex-wife). He never hinted it was me. But he stopped calling as much and made excuses not to see me. I thought he was depressed and stressed so I stuck it out with him. That's what you do when you love someone right?

 

One day he calls me and says he isn't in love anymore. It struck me like a ton of bricks! I was in total shock! I didn't know I was the problem.

 

Now looking back I think I can see where things started going wrong and maybe if we had talked about it then we may have been able to work it out. I haven't seen him in three months and we are finally getting together this week to talk.

 

My point is that if we would have talked while we were still together before it got as bad as it did we might have been able to talk it though then.

 

I totally understand how you are feeling about how he is treating you. I held on for way too long also not being treated very nicely because I kept making excuses for him. You need to talk to your guy and stop makeing excuses for him. Do not allow him to treat you the way he has been. Loving someone else does not mean you stop loving yourself and allow them to treat you badly.

 

I don't think you need to get angry just yet. First see what he has to say. But you need to lay it on the line. Have repsect for yourself and not let him treat you this way but at the same time if you talk about it before it's too late you might be able to work it out.

 

Good luck!

[kimber271]

Thank you Cindersam. We actually just talked it over a few hours ago, and we seemed to settle things on a better note. He kept assuring me it had nothing to do with another female, he just can't be with anyone right now.

He's 35, doesn't have a stable job (investor and stocks) and feels bad about himself. He always answers if I call or email, but he simply can't carry on a normal life right now so he says.

I trust him deep down, so all I can do now is move on.

Thank you for the advice!