why cant i just accept it

[numbhead]

ive been with this girl for 2 1/2 yrs, my first love and i was hers too,

 

we met just before i went into my final yr at university.. the same time she was starti uni

it was great - like a movie, we were both swept off our feet!

 

although we were at different universities over 100 miles away, we regularly met up with each other, but because i was in my final yr, she mostly came to mine, it was great to have her with me.. she was like a breath of fresh air.. amongst the stress of the workload!

 

we had so much fun and gd times,

 

then i graduated,,,, i was unsure what to do and to be honest scared of losing her... so i put my life on hold!

 

this i think was the turning point!

 

she was always so supportive-- saying "i dont care what you do for a career i will always love you! i dont care what you look like i will always love you!"

 

this made me complacent!,,, didn't go to gym anymore,,,and i must have put career ambitions on the bk burner!

 

basically i stopped living my life, because i knew that i would lose her if i made career choices, i my line of work is quite specialised!

 

.... so we carried on things were ok... i lived for the wk ends where i would go down to her uni and meet her.. after living at home and working during the wk... i did this for a gd 12 months,,, come to think of it it was almost exactly 12 months!!

 

we were doing great... but then i guess we began to drift apart...

 

i remember saying to her tht we can get thru this,,, so we carried on...

 

the physical side of things sort of dried up (so to speak) and we had petty arguments,

 

the nail in the coffin was her going to see a physchic!

they said alot of stuff but what my g/f only told me a fraction of what they said... "you will leave your current b/f soon.... have kids and get married in your 30s, be a teacher and live in italy!"

 

to make things worse her friends at uni were breaking up with thier b/fs!

 

she hated being alone and i was unable to be there during the wk!

 

she broke up with me end of nov 06 saying that she will always be there for me and i deserve someone who will love me as much as i love her!

 

i thought it was the stress of her final yr at uni and that fact that her grandad was ill!

 

she was always the one who was insecure and who always told me that she loved me more than i loved her! 4 days before she dumped me she even asked me "when are we going to get married?"

 

complete u turn!

 

since then i had no contact,,, it kills me... a friend of mine txt her saying that i needed help coming to terms with the breakup... she replied saying " i have moved on with my life now im sure he will too, and i dont want to contact him"

 

i sent her a letter and flowers on xmas eve.. aand she didnt even have the decency to reply to me either way!!

 

im left torturing myself about her,, i am beginning to forget all her bad points

 

how can i get thru this and move on? any help would be great! thanks for reading this.

[numbhead]

the other thing that i cant stop doing is imagining what she is up to!

 

i dont even know for certain if she has someone else, but i spose i know she has someone else by her actions!!

 

its killing me, absolutely tearing me up,,, how she has just brushed me aside and got on with her life... how can she do this?

 

doesnt she think about me,,,, doesnt she regret leaving me or is she too wrapped up in her new life that she just doesnt care anymore?

 

i just dont get it!

[numbhead]

sorry ive put this on the wrong forum page!!!

[FrancisHouseman]

I have spoken to you on private messages but I hadnt seen these posts.

 

I think the hardest thing to come to terms with when someone breaks up with us, is not just the fact that we wont see them, hold them, hear them say 'I love you' again, its the fact that they don't regret leaving us, that they aren't sorry and they don't want us back.

 

I remember when I had my heart broken a few years back and everyone kept saying (like they do!!) "He'll be back! no doubts! he will realise what he is missing and what you were worth and he will come crawling back.."

 

"when he comes back you tell him to pee off!"

 

I continued with my life, going to work, going to college, breathing in and out, can't remember a lot of that time, i was operating on auto pilot, consumed by my pain. Anyway Wednesdays was 'our' night. We would always eat dinner together on Wednesdays and then of course spend weekends together.

 

but I would sit by the window every Wednesday and look out for him, arrogantly at first, i thought "He will turn up with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine..."

 

but he never did.

 

with each Wednesday that passed that he didnt turn up, i realised that he wasnt sorry, he hadnt realised my worth, he didnt miss me and he didnt want me back. it was like having my heart broken all over again.

 

he didnt regret leaving me.

 

Sometimes thats the hardest thing to accept. What we feel is not mirrored by the person we feel it about.

 

Its times to let go of the hope that they will come back. In doing so we let go of the chains that are holding us in the same place, in the victim place.

 

You are not a victim. Dont behave like one. She didnt mean to hurt you, there was no malice involved. You didnt do anything wrong. You didnt fail. You arent unloveable, you werent a mistake and she probably doesnt regret the time she spent with you.

 

Its just that things change and people change and women in particular (ha ha) change their minds!

 

You need to accept that you had a lovely time together. Be grateful for it (ITs better to have loved and lost than never to have loved atall) and now think positively about a future where someone will return your feelings all over again.

 

If you have loved once, you are more likely to love again.

 

It takes time, but you won't heal if you keep clawing at the past. It doesnt exist anymore, the only thing that is real is the present.

 

good luck x