Feeling like a "loser" compared to boyfriend

[SnoGirl42]

maybe this sounds lame but I feel like a loser compared to my boyfriend. why? because he graduated from college in three years with a degree in finance, owned a house at 22 years old, and he has a good job as an insurance broker for a large corporation, and now he's only 24. I on the other hand am 22, just graduated with a useless degree and now I am deciding between going into teaching or nursing. I have this terrible hospital job that I can't stand but that is changing because I am going to be a substitute teacher here soon for one of the best school districts here in CA. I just feel miserable about myself right now and I look at my boyfriend and think that he has everything and that is where I want to be in my life.

 

Because of this I am thinking about breaking up with him. I just hate the way this is making me feel. It is not his fault at all, but I am just feeling really down about my personal situation and being with him and seeing what he had is not making me feel any better though he is very supportive of me.

 

what would be some recommendations on how i should handle this?

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

You are going to break up with someone only because he has attained things that you haven't yet? Are you in some kind of life competition with him?

 

Sorry I don't mean to come accross as flippant but if someone I was dating told me that she wanted to split because I was too successful I'd find that incredibly insulting.

[SnoGirl42]

you are right. I am not in some competition with him. maybe it is just that I don't feel good enough for him.

[EvaGina]

I feel the same

I mean, neither my boyfriend nor I are qualified, but he is so driven!

He has so much energy, he has been to all these amazing places, he is so independent and strong, I feel tiny compared to him

 

But then I know its stupid

what we have and what we have done doesnt come up when we are together, we still have fun and enjoy eachothers company.

Although you may feel a bit insignificant sometimes, I am sure there are things you bf admires about you, otherwise he wouldnt be dating you, would he?

[Outdoorcrazy]

Im sry to hear you are struggling with this, but honestly, you shouldnt feel inferior to him in many ways, that no reason to break things off, your different people. Although he has attained these things it doesnt mean anything less of you as a peson, you two are just different, and not one of u is better than the other, in any way! I am sure that you have things to offer this world that he doesnt!!!!!

[Mr Mister1]

First of all, has he ever rubbed it in your face or told you how he's so much more successful than you? If not then he must like you the way you are so what's the matter?

 

Secondly why do you need to feel inferior, just because someone's doing one sort of job and you're doing a different one doesn't make either of you better or worse, if you're doing what you enjoy or what you're good at then keep at it. If he's not bothered about it then why should yo ube?

 

Finally, if you're not happy with where you are in life then look at ways to change it. Why not ask him for advice, and tips on how to achieve everything you want, that would be the productive way around the situation.

 

But breaking up with him over this isn't the way, if he's treating you right and is as successful as you say then why give up on a good thing? Why should he be punished for working hard to achieve what he wants?

[Siriana]

My advice will be different and based on my experience (plus maybe I am projecting things).

 

I was never highly competitive person.

Also I was never one of those people who knew what they want to do for life since they were 18.

I gained my masters degree but not as the best in my class, I was in the middle.

 

I also think that there is a huge difference in caracter between persons who make good insurance brokers and people who make good nurces and teachers.

I bet he would be an awfull teacher or a nurce and vice versa.

 

He is higly motivated person. He's goal oriented, results oriented person who likes competition probably. He's a realist, not creative. (thats what I see when someone says insurance broker).

Now, to be a teacher or a nurse your first goal is helping people or educating people. Your results are when you help someone. Setting up goals is different than in his situation. If you are a teacher you need to be creative. In both cases you need to be patient.

Also your job (at least in my country) is less payed than being a broker (unfair, but what can you do).

 

Now the question is: are you really considering braking up with him because he's professionally more sucessfull at the moment, or because you would like to date someone who has different views when it comes to his career or possibly life?

 

I am asking this because I used to date a guy who was really highly motivated and it annoyed me soooo much. He didn't force me to be the same, but his life attitude was different than mine - he was making me nervous.

He was so much into his career and professional sucess. He wanted to be appreciated and admired. His first goal in life was professional sucess. For me thats not the most important thing in life so I found him shortsighted.

 

Now if you don't have similar situation and all this I wrote looks like nonsense to you I really think you should start accepting yourself.

It is not his fault you have different personality or different goals, that you're not so successfull when it comes to your professional life.

Also I bet there are some other areas of life where you're better than he is.

Everything is not about career.

Who knows, maybe you have a better talent for listening people, maybe you're better with kids, maybe you know how to enjoy small stuff in life....

You'll never be him and he'll never be you.

And that's o.k.

Having a huge house or a lot of money is not the most important thing in life.

[EvaGina]

Having a huge house or a lot of money is not the most important thing in life.

 

agreed

the happiest people I know are some of the poorest

[g1234567890h]

My girlfriend feels like this on a weekly basis. We actually set aside time during the week for her to be depressed. I'm a preschool teacher, published writer, college student, musician, and I'm going to get an advanced degree. She, on the other hand, dropped out of college and tranferred to my community college. Personally, I think community college is way more reasonable than four year college, but that's not the point of this article. She works for her family's company and she really doesn't know what she's going to do with her life. Sometimes she doesn't feel good enough for me.

 

My girlfriend routinely tries to break up with me for this very reason. For six days out of the week she feels great, but for one day she just feels depressed about everything. I think she's wonderful, so wonderful I wonder how on Earth I could end up with her. Maybe your boyfriend feels the same way.

 

You know what? It really isn't up to you whether you're good enough for him or not. If you weren't good enough, you wouldn't be with him. He loves you for who you are right now. He doesn't care about your paycheck, or what kind of house you live in, or what kind of car you drive. He cares about the inner, wonderful you, and even though you don't know what he sees in you, I'm sure he does.

[Bethany]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt.

 

I think that says it all.

 

You're on different paths not levels.