He was swearing at me..

[never-too-late]

I feel very sad:sad:

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We are in a long-distance relationship. We have had some ups and downs but we always managed to work things out. However, whenever he gets stressed about something he takes it out on me?

 

He has been having problems at work with his boss, he told me that it even ended up in a fight. He told me that he needs to sort his situation out and he said he needs time to concentrate on looking for a new job. The thing is I became needy and scared as he has started to distance himself. He was trying to explain to me why and he said that I should not worry. However, I kept worrying about it.

 

I asked him if he could call me tonight as I am feeling sad and worried about everything. He did call me but he was not nice at all. At first he was allright but then he was pretty rude to me and he swore at me. He said that I push him to that limit. I told him that it hurts me when he says such things but he said that I never respect him or his wishes and I always make him go over the limit.

 

I feel sad how he talks to me? Especially these days, he has been quite unhappy about the relationship and it feels like he does not care anymore about me or the relationship.

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

OK, so your boyfriend asked for a little less pressure from you to sort his situation at work out, and you became more clingy and needy?

 

I do not condone the fact that he swore at you and was nasty with you- he was wrong to do that. But I wonder how much of that was coming from him feeling like you aren't listening to him and considering his feelings. He's having trouble at work and wants a little time to figure things out, and instead of being understanding, you put more pressure on him and added to his stress level. It sounds to me as though he was resentful that he had to call you when he had other things on his mind.

 

I wonder if maybe you were calm and supportive and gave him a week or two if he would have been that much more appreciative and greatful to you and the outcome would have been different?

 

I'm not trying to blame either one of you, but since you are the one who posted, I just wanted to point out that I think both of you could have handled it differently and had a better outcome.

 

What do you think?

[bigheart09]

His main concern is to find a new job b/c the current one is making him miserable. Not that he should be mean to you, but maybe you being "clingy" is not what he needs right now and he just gets annoyed more easily. I would just give him his space and give him support. If he keeps acting like this, then you should consider not being with someone who acts this way. (Easier said than done)

 

Does he always act like this when things get bad? I am very familiar with this kind of behaviour, my bf is like that.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

well, LDRs are very hard, and sometimes one can become very needy because of confusion about what his really going on... if he is having trouble with work, that does not mean he is having trouble with you, unless he is using that as an excuse to not contact you... (i.e., he is not telling you the truth)...

 

there is no excuse for anyone to call you names or swear at you, but at the same time, if he has some trouble and needs support, and you are instead demanding that he reassure you, then he may feel that you are one more demand he doesn't need right now...

 

so maybe you should try to keep contact with email, and cut him a little slack, but if he is abusive and swears at you whenever he doesn't get his way, then you need to reconsider that he might have deeper problems.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Hi never..

 

did you boyfriend just say a curse or did he curse you out... yelling cursing... that kind of thing?

[AwdreeHpburn]

OK - i can see being irritated cos he asked for space and time and you know that you should've given it to him. I can even see swearing - maybe not AT you, but being upset enough to swear.

 

BUT TO SAY that YOU push him over the edge and push him to that really is an abusive thing to say. I mean, is it the fault of the person getting hit for pushing the hitter to hit??

 

come on. He CAN control himself....well....maybe he can't but it is on him to try - not on you.

 

I do agree - like I said - that you should respect people enough to do as they wish but he needs to take responsibility too....

[Dracia]

That's one of the main problems with LDR's... not enough communication. When something happens to your other half and they don't make enough effort to keep in touch, it can get worrying, because although you know why they won't talk to you (or at least talk to you nicely), because you don't see them on a daily basis, you have no real idea of what is going on, what he is going through.

 

He has told you not to worry, and of course, when someone is told that, they tend to worry =P but the probable fact is that you're irritating him somewhat by being so needy when he is trying to find a new job.

 

I'm sure when he does find one he'll be back in regular touch with you =)