Is seperating from your spouse a punishment?

[cranbers]

Ok so my wife who i am currently living separate from as we work out some problems asked me if I was coming home this week end. I said no I was not ready yet. She asked me why not. She also asked me a good question. "Are you trying to punish me"?

 

I guess I didn't know what to say to that. I am mad at her as she spent the night with another man 2 weeks ago, lied to me about it etc. She claims she just spent the night at his house and nothing happened no one cares and why am I making it a big deal.

 

Anyway, so am I being separate from her to punish her? I guess I am but then again, im doing it just to get out of a bad situation. I guess I would say she is punishing herself. But I don't know. guess that is why I posted that question.

[lonely_me]

I don't think someone else can answer that for you. I think you need to put some thought in to what you have to gain by not seeing her and what motivates you to stay away. If you are doing what you feel you need to for your sanity, then I would say you are not trying to punish her.

 

She may feel that you are punishing her by not being around her, but you can't bend over backwards to make her feel better about that. You do what you need to, and then work on your marriage when you have the energy to. However, to be fair to her, you may want to sit down and explain what your motivations for staying away are. Maybe give her a timeframe about when you'll be ready to work with her again?

 

I am actually doing something similar. I'm leaving my husband for a month, but I think it actually has very little to do with him. I need to take some time for myself, I need to get away from the awful sadness I've been feeling for the past few months. My husband and I have been going to marriage counseling and it was actually recommended to us by our therapist because he saw that I'm just too frustrated and unhappy with our situation to participate productively in our marriage.

 

Goodluck to you!

[Iceman26]

Damn it is always about her isn't it?

 

Cranbers don't you see that she doesn't care about the way you are feeling? Everything is all about her. Everything you do for yourself, or even sticking up for yourself, is meant to spite her.

 

Do yourself a favor, divorce her (f counseling it won't help with someone like that) and find yourself a nice girl that cares about you.

[RayKay]

Damn it is always about her isn't it?

 

Cranbers don't you see that she doesn't care about the way you are feeling? Everything is all about her. Everything you do for yourself, or even sticking up for yourself, is meant to spite her.

 

Do yourself a favor, divorce her (f counseling it won't help with someone like that) and find yourself a nice girl that cares about you.

 

 

I agree; as harsh as it sounds!

 

Cranbers she is laying the guilt trip on you again - she is the one whom slept at another mans place and is abusive towards you! So what if she feels it is punishment?

 

Look at how she twists things: it is YOUR fault she cannot be friends with the guy she stayed over at; it is YOUR fault she is "all alone", it is YOUR fault you "ran away". It is YOUR fault she is this way as you "cheated on her with your sister" (I still do not get that at all...).....

 

Where is HER responsibility in this marriage? She was resistant to counselling; yet wants things to go her way.

 

This seperation is really about you getting some distance and showing her that her actions are unacceptable. I do hope you gain some strength and move on from her. I know it is a horrible situation as you have a little girl to be going through; but this has been going on for years; it is time you stepped away to gather your strength and some objectivity.

[ghost69]

don't you know it is ALWAYS the woman's fault cran? lol, calm down ladies. cran, it sounds like she is just making you feel bad for the situation. don't let her hurt you to make you feel guilty about things she has done and said.

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