bubbles07 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 hey everyone, I spoke with my ex a couple of days ago, it was a normal conversation, up beat, no relationship talk just small talk. Towards the end she asked me if I was okay without her. I responded yes i am okay. a day or two later I get a text asking if I can meet her next week? Its been about 5 weeks since we broke up. Not sure how I should handle this and what should I expect. I need advice guys. Should I go or not go? I feel much stronger and can see my life without her and I am perfectly happy with it. I just don't know whats going on with her. Link to comment
gfein347 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Do you think meeting up with her will be a step in the wrong direction, as far as getting over her? Who dumped who, and why do you think she wants to meet up? I'm thinking she might want closure... Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 hmmmmm..... Yeh - I'm with Gfein here, I need more info. Why would you consider meeting her? Why would you consider not? Which sseems more appealing to you? Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 it was her that broke up with me. She broke up with me after 6 years because she thinks she only loves me as a friend and had gotten bored with the relationship. I don't think that I would be set back by meeting her because I am way stronger than what I was when we first broke up. Did all the no no's by begging and pleading. But now the couple of times we've texted and talked on the phone. I find myself not being phased by it. It almost feels like I'm just talking to one of my friends and thats it. I'm not even sure I would want to get back in a relationship at this time since I'm having a lot of fun being single. I just don't know why all of sudden this jump from her. and I don't know how I should handle it . Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 bubbles - there are a milion different things that could be on her mind. NONE of which I tihnk should concern you. I'm putting in a vote for you NOT going to meet up with her. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Just by your asking, and not being sure how you should handle it, I would suggest that you're really not ready for that. IMHO I think you should tell her that while you're feeling good, you think that now is not yet the time. Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I agree. If you're asking us whether it's a good idea, then you probably don't think it's a good idea, go with your gut on this. Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 the reason i'm so confused about it is because first her question out of nowhere "are you okay without me?" when weren't even talking about our relationship, and then her sudden attempt to see me when 5 or 6 weeks ago she was saying that we shouldn't be with each other. This hasn't set me back in terms of healing, its just one of those things that you find odd. Some people I've asked think maybe she is scared that your moving on but i don't know what to think. You guys are the experts, help me out Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 i don't think you should agree to a meeting unless she tells you UP FRONT what is specifically she wants to talk about... it may be just an attempt to re=establish a 'let's be friends' situation, when that would obviously just be hurtful to you, and probably not good for your healing... sometimes all the work you have done healing and getting a new life without her can be undone if she tries to reel you in again just as a friend, a warm security blanket etc. so unless you are interested in a reconciliation, or totally convinced you don't care anymore and being friends is OK with you, this coudl set you back... so if you are even considering going, ask her what she wants to talk about first, then decide whether this is good for you.... if she says, oh, i just want to be friends, and you even get a twinge of longing or disappointment from that, then don't go... 1 Link to comment
samross Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I agree with everyone above. I would be very cautious about talking with her for now. If she wants to know if you're ok without her and you said yes then I would keep the mystery in the picture on your part and don't let her turn the conversation (if you decide to talk to her) around so that she can slam you again. Right now you feel like you have the upper hand but that can change with a few words if you're not careful (been there done that). She may try to emphasize that she's ok (which will make you wonder why bring it all up again) since you've indicated that to her. Her re-emphasizing that may bring out the feelings of need again that you have. Be careful... 1 Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Thanks a lot for replying everyone, I've decided that I am going to see her because if I don't, I'm always am going to wonder. I know if I ask her right out what its about, she'll proably won't tell me the truth over the phone because she proably doesn't want to sound vulnerable, because after all she made the decision for us to split. Samross, thanks for your advice, I totally know what you mean by being careful with my words. I'm just going to remain calm and just tell her the truth if she asks, just like I did the other day. I honestly do feel like I don't need her in my life now, before I felt like I would die without her, but now I feel like its just one chapter in my life. For some reason it feels like this is all a game. Once I start to move on, shes the one thats wanting to see me now. Before when I was the one that was asking to see her around the time we broke up, she would always hesitate. Could it be true in my situation that now that she is seeing me moving on and doing better things in my life that now she wants to try reeling me back in? The reason i think that is because of her stupid question about me being okay without her. For a person that broke up with someone, you don't ask them that question, am I right? I've broken up with people in the past and not once have I ever asked them anything remotely close to that especially if we aren't even talking about us. Its like we were talking about the weather and then I was like "its soo nice outside don't you think?" and shes like "are you okay with out me?" haha like what the hell was that? Link to comment
nilli Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I know if I ask her right out what its about, she'll proably won't tell me the truth over the phone because she proably doesn't want to sound vulnerable, because after all she made the decision for us to split. Hi Bubbles, what is the 'truth' you mentioned? I'm afraid you're setting yourself up for a bit of heartache. The above phrase suggests to me that you're getting ahead of yourself. I do this which is why this suddenly jumped out ar me. I also interpret that you are feeling anger. Towards the end of your last post you write about her 'stupid' question in a kind of 'how dare she' kind of way. Please feel free to correct me, these are just observations from how I interpreted what you wrote. I know I would never resist the chance to meet up with my ex if I had it...I would hope to be well aware of what I was feeling and hoping/not hoping for so that I could weigh up the risk involved... If this is a closed chapter for you, you could take it or leave it. If, on the other hand, you're feelings are mixed, you could meet her bearing in mind that it could set you back but your curiosity is such that you're willing to put up with more hurt if her truth turns out to be different to your imagination. nilli x Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 hey nilli, the truth i was talking about was when she asked me the question of me being okay without her, I said yes i was okay without her. I didn't just say it to sound cold. LOL i didn't mean to sound angry about her question. Its just that I found it a awkward question to ask someone if you dumped them. I personally wouldn't never ask any of my exe's that question. I'm not angry at her and I don't hate her. I still love her and I always will but I don't feel like I need her in my life like I use to. I'm not going there expecting her to throw herself in my arms, I don't know what to expect and thats why I'm confused. I'm honestly not hoping for anything because I'm never gonna let myself get in the same state I was when we broke up. Its almost like this time apart made me realize that there is soo much to life then just her. I've experienced so many different things in the last month or so that has completely changed my way of thinking about our relationship. I truly believe now that everything happens for a reason. Link to comment
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