Considering leaving my pregnant girlfriend - Please help

[Neworleanslady]

If I was knocked up I would be hormonal. She may be uncomfortable, sick or a myriad of things. I am assume you have talked to her about this. If not please do so.

[antigravity]

Thanks for your honest opinions...

 

I'm surprised that a few of you are saying that I'm being selfish or immature, but that's fine, maybe I am. I'm really not sure what to do! I'm definitely learning as I go with this.

 

But basically, I'm in a situation where i'm trying to weigh up whats more important; my happiness, or doing the 'right' thing.

 

Please don't think that i'm somehow putting the blame on her for the pregnancy. Not at all, and in fact, the pregnancy isn't, in itself, a problem at all. It's more the clashes we have in personality.

 

When I said I was 'strict' about some important things, I wasn't suggesting that being 'strict' was a good thing, I was just pointing out that we are different.

 

I may be blaming her for a lot of things, that's because in my mind, it is her actions and attitude thats causing me to be unhappy (simply put).

 

I do agree though, that I shouldn't threaten to leave, so I'm not going to do that, no matter how heated an argument may get.

 

I've decided to keep trying, and i'll try and be more loving and caring towards her, in hope that this might have a positive effect on her attitude towards me and the world in general (she's gone through some tough things in life which has given her a negative view on things). Although I would like to note that 95% of the time when we're getting along, I am an affectionate and caring partner.

 

However, if it doesn't, I may have to leave. I'm going to seek advice from my family and friends on the situation also.

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

 

I see that you've decided to keep trying; I am glad to hear that you've decided to put in more effort to work things out with your gf.

 

Based on your OP (original post), I was going to say that:

 

If you are living together now, would you consider moving out and living near by while your gf is going through her pregnancy? While I agree that you should NOT threaten to leave in the heat of the moment, I did think that perhaps all this arguing (and the tension that it generates) cannot be good for the baby OR the children already in the home who witness your arguments.

 

In my humble opinion (based on your description of your relationship), I did think that you and your gf do have many compatibility issues and if you are genuinely unhappy with the relationship, you should give a serious thought to breaking up with her. In the end, I did not feel that either one of you would benefit from being in a relationship in which one (or both) of you were feeling miserable.

 

Even if you did break up, you could still be supportive of her in many ways, I thought.

 

BUT as your decision is to stay and to put more effort into making things work, I would like to ask: would you consider going to couple's therapy to sort through some of the issues in your relationship?

 

Just my two cents.

 

Good luck!

[antigravity]

Thanks...

 

Yeah I've spoken to her quickly about seeing someone, like a mediator or something, but she didn't say much.

 

I'm thinking of going to see a councilor or something by myself, just to help myself.

 

This morning we fought again... Here's a perfect example of one of our fights.

 

She's feeling sick so I went out to buy her some medicine, some mnm's that she was craving, a paper for her and some nappies for her younger son. I came back, and this is what I got from her:

 

1. Nappies packet has too many in there and are too expensive.

2. MnMs were the large packet and I should have gotten the smaller packet.

3. She doesn't read the saturday paper, only the sunday paper.

 

First words she said were 'ahh {mod edit} hell". And she walked off into the kitchen. I still had the bags in my hand and she started questioning me.. asking whether the smaller pack of nappies were there and why didn't i get another brand etc. etc. I told her i was there for a while because i'm not used to getting nappies and I got the ones she asked for (but just a larger packet). She kept saying why didn't you get the other ones, etc. etc. so I had enough and threw them on the floor and said 'get them yourself then'.

 

It escalated from there because I threw them on the ground, then we started yelling at each other, which ended up with her in tears. I just don't know what to do. I try and do the right thing, she treats me like crap, I react to her attitude and then she gets upset.. aggghghh!

[Eileen101]

I have to say whats done is done. No need to say how it happened or why or who is at "fault" or what have you, but there is one thing that I cannot stress to you enough.....IF you are not happy with this person, do not stay with someone just for the sake of her being pregnant because from experience I can tell you that it will only yeild resentment and misery on both sides. There is nothing more unapealing than being "STUCK" with someone because of circumstances. Believe me, it will only serve to make you really dislike this person. Ask yourself " why am I with this person?" If you can only say that you are with her because you got her pregnant or because she does not want to let go of you. If you are not in love with her, i say leave. With her having two boys already, she knows how to make it on her own already so its not like she will fall apart without you. My ex and I stayed together until it got so bad that would could barely stand to be in the same room together!! And believe me my kids new that we hated eachother or that we were really unhappy together. A lot of people say stick it out for the kids, but my 5 year old has told me that she does not want me with her dad because she my be 5 but she is very smart and she knows that she would rather not be around her unhappy parents. We are so much better off without her dad around. So take that advice for what it is, just advice but know that if you stay just out of obligation that is all it will ever be.......obligation. I believe that it takes a real man to do what is right and not what is expected. And what is right is not always what we think it is. You decide, good luck! Eileen.

[Jetta]

This is really a tough one. I think seeing a counselor is a good idea. The relationship was short lived before pregnancy occurred and the truth is your a daddy so face up to your end of the responsibility. Did you know her personality before you slept with her, or are you just using it as a excuse to run away?

 

I agree with the other poster about how you're creating tension for her by your threats. And we only hear your side so of course we don't know what your actions really are towards her, and her reasons for lashing out. If she's really just like that or perhaps buttons are being pushed.

 

You obviously don't want to stay, you want us to say it's okay to leave, well it's really not. You know she had 2 children, you know you had unprotected sex (you're 23 years old for God's sake, use a condom!). Welcome to adulthood. The games are over. Now either marry her or break up with her, but know that you're still a daddy. And don't blame her for getting pregnant because you obviously knew she was fertile and did it anyway! Guess what you're fertile too.