Guys, can you explain this to me?

[never-too-late]

Over the years, I have been with my boyfriend, I have noticed a pattern of his behaviour, which I would like to understand. We are in a long-distance relationship right now but our plan is to move closer to each other. But what is my question about?

 

Every time, he is feeling upset about something like his job or if he is feeling down or unhappy, he is telling me all the time how much he needs to make love to me? He starts to tell me that he needs me and how upset he is that he cannot make love to me at that time. Since he has lost his promotion 3 weeks ago, he has been pretty low and most of his messages are about how much he wants me and how it is upsetting that I am so far and that he needs to make love to me?

 

Whenever we are together, we both enjoy making love a lot! Normally he does not express this kind of frutstruation if he is ok but I noticed that we went through something similiar last year where he was telling me that he has his needs, which I might not necessarily understand.

 

Can you explain to me please what is on his mind? As a woman, I cannot quite understand and because I love him, I would like to understand him. The last thing I would want is to make him feel unwanted or rejected by giving him a wrong reaction?

 

A male friend of mine told me once that if man are not feeling good about themselves, for example, with their job situation they are seeking woman's attention in order to feel accepted? Especially when they are in a relationship! I have got the feeling that's what he is looking for but the way he is communicating it to me sounds as if he is angry that we cannot make love as often as he would like to because we are far.

 

Please help.

[zerohalo]

He might be frustrated, but I don't think he's angry. He just wants to feel loved and close to someone during this time when he's really low. He probably feels very alone, and when you two are making love, that's the ultimate way to feel not-alone with your partner.

 

Actually confronting him about this would not be the way to go. He is looking for some major acceptance and love, not questions.

[never-too-late]

The thing is he told me last night that he is fed up of having to wait each time until he sees me?

 

What is the right thing to say or do?

[zerohalo]

That's tougher. It could be his need for physical intimacy in this bout of depression is just overriding everything else. The question becomes, is he just looking for physical intimacy, or is he looking for physical intimacy with you.

 

I've been in a long distance relationship before, and I know how overpowering that need can be. All I can really say is, maybe try to get him to talk more about what's happening with whatever is bothering him. It might be the only way he knows how to share is by having sex, and maybe he needs to explore actually talking with you instead of just having sex.

 

You know him, do you think he'd be open to that? Imagine how good the sex will be if you two can connect on this level. In a way I envy you, but it sounds like it might be a little rough getting there.

[Hope75]

It sounds like when he is down or upset that he craves the physical closeness that making love with your brings. It's not unusual to want to be close and cuddled when you are having a bad day.

 

But.... what exactly did he mean that he's sick of having to wait? Was he just expressing frustration, or does he want to end things?

 

When are you planning to move closer to him?

[valiantv]

I'm thinking that he loves you and when he's feeling down he thinks of you to pick himself up.. When he's with you he's happy and he wants to be like that again.

 

But yeah, I'd echo Hope75's question about what does he mean about being fed up having to wait?

[Ash]

Sounds like he wasn't to know something is good in his life, and he wants to forget about all the negative things for a while. LDRs can be really tough because although there is emotional closeness most or all of the time, the physical closeness to go hand in hand with it only happens once in a while.

[never-too-late]

I was pretty upset last night and could not sleep. Today I could not concentrate at all. He listed all the drawbacks of me being with me in a long-distance relationship: he said that he hardly ever sees me, it's always hard to organise a meeting for us, I don't speak his language. He said that it's too hard. I did not reply as I am not sure what to say?

[Honey Pumpkin]

My bloke said that he finds it easiest to express love for me through sex. That he feels closest to me when we are making love and immediately afterwards, and that is how he thinks in terms of being close to me. Not always, but I think I understand where your boyfriend is coming from - it's an expression of love and longing, and maybe a way of allowing himself to feel vulnerable and let down his guard, to truly be emotionally naked as well as physically? So maybe it's not anger, but frustration?

[Zoey]

my relationship is LD as well. When he depressed or frustrated, he expects me to there and listen and sometimes saying things yours said too.

 

I think it is normal. Just a little bump right now. have you try phone thing with him? it might help.