Another bad day

[longhaircats]

I've been depressed over a week since my ex called (original thread here: ) but I told myself last night that I had enough. I decided to work hard on my research and stay positive in life. I was doing great this morning.

 

Few hours ago I got an email from the guy I dated for over a month. He told me that his ex-girlfriend of 6 mo asked him to work things out, and they decided to get back together. She broke up with him 5 mo ago to be with her ex-boyfriend, and apparently they didn't work out, so she run back to the old boyfriend's arms.

 

I pretended like it was fine and happy for him, but I am hurt. I wasn't over my ex either, so I can't blame him dating someone new right away. But I just feel so down. I have a lot to offer and we were just starting to get to know each other, and he seemed so into me. I can't help wonder, how could he dump me (without even knowing me) to be with a woman who dumped him for another man??

 

[Orlander]

sorry to hear you are having a tough time, longhaircats. I think things are getting confusing seeing as you still haven't gotten one guy and are dealing with feelings for another. That's why its best to heal your heart before moving on.

 

There isn't a lot of logic as far as the heart is concerned. No point in asking questions just accept that he wants to give the relationship with his ex another shot and that it has nothing to do with anything you did.

 

Hang in there and keep hope.

 

 

Orlander

[longhaircats]

Hey Orlander,

 

Thanks for your responce. I know I wasn't in love with this new guy. It just hurts my self-esteem I guess. He even told me that his ex ended up calling him 1am crying outside of a bar when she was with her another ex-boyfriend. I think he is still in love with her. He wants me to be his friend, and I'm okay with it, but I just can't believe I am doing to this. I should have told him * * * * off.....but I coundn't.

[Batya33]

I would not be "his friend" - it will only hurt you more. Dating requires a thick skin and you cannot have any expectations based on a one month relationship - easier said than done but that's the goal I think for reasonable self-protection in the earlier stages. When my sister and I were young, pre-computers, pre-internet, pre-cell phones we would not write a boy's name in ink in our address book until we were officially going steady so that we could easily erase the penciled in phone number if it didn't work out. Worked well for us.

 

As far as his seeming into you - of course he was - it is very easy to be into someone for a short period of time during the honeymoon phase- what matters is what happens over a period of time so it's probably better not to expect that that early "he's so into me!" means anything about a future. When I was in that stage I would simply enjoy each date to the hilt and assume it was our last. Not in a negative way, just in a living for the moment way.

[Victory]

Hey, I just wanted you to know that it seems as if we're going through the same thing. Here's my story, if you want to take a peek:

The guy I was dating left me for his ex too. I can't stop thinking of them being together on Valentine's Day and stuff, it hurts so much. But you know, I think that in both of our cases they chose what seemed easier over what could have been worth more in the end. Maybe someday they'll figure that little gem out. Anyways I wanted you to know that there are others going through this too, feel free to send me a message if you need to talk.

[longhaircats]

Hey Victory,

 

How long have you been with this guy? I just wanted you to know that it was HIS loss, not yours!!