During my two years of complete agony...

[Empathy]

...after my ground shattering break-up I've met only 2 people that have made me forget about that insensitive loser and both of them have sweet talked me, lead me on, and in the end ultimately decided that I'm just not good enough. And its always after I've let my guard down. This guy recently...I really thought I had him. I really thought he was going to be the end of all this bs. But, yet again, I was sorely mistaken. Ding! Ding! Ding! Let round three of pain begin!

[need2bme]

I actually smiled when I read this. I am so with you and I feel the same way. I posted before, about walking out of the apartment back home, when getting my stuff, and just threw my hands up, looked to the sky and said in a loud voice, "AW, COME ON! WHAT IS NEXT?"

 

I know how you feel. I look at it this way though. With them gone (and I won't lie, I still miss her everyday and would try and work things out, if I could) there is now room for someone else that will stick it out.

 

Also, I am really trying to believe that people hurt us sometimes and don't mean to. People grow apart. It is a shame, but they do. I think my ex should have tried to work at this, but I think she is still trying for her fairy tale.

 

I am trying to believe that all of this happens for a reason and the ONLY way for us to find TRUE LOVE, is to keep putting ourselves out there. It is good to remember that not all people show love in the same way. I am learning now, to find out how someone shows love and THEN find out if that is acceptable. Also, if I let down my guard enough, I can begine to see that some of the stuff other people think, is ok.

 

Much love and hope to you, girlie!!

[Empathy]

Thanks for your kind words, need2bme. But I'm thinking the optimistic perspective just isn't in me anymore. I find that I was actually happier when I had my guard up and believed that there was no hope. I let my guard down and I become prey to illusions. I don't think I'll ever be good enough for the ones that can make me forget about my ex.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

What about working through the ex issues without using someone to help you do it? Its a nasty cycle of heart break to heart break, and you loose a chance to grow by yourself in the process. Keep your guard up and learn to feel comfy in your own skin. I think you will start attracting healthy people when that happens.

[Empathy]

You're probably right, Reluctant. But some say that "the best way to get over an old guy is to get under a new one." And in my case I don't mean that LITERALLY. I don't think that to get over someone you need to just sleep around. Its just a funny way of saying that some people can't move on until they find someone else. After 2 years of trying to pick up the pieces on my own I've figured out that I'm just one of those people. I need to be shown that there IS something better out there than what I had with my ex and in order for that to happen someone better needs to enter my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Just my opinion, but those people are wrong. You can move on, you don't need someone else to make it better. Every time you introduce a dependency like that you expose yourself to more risk. Besides, hooking up with someone new is just a short cut, and it ends up taking you back to square one.

 

Do you talk to anyone? Like a counselor or someone like that? I've made some really great gains talking to a professional impartial person.

[Empathy]

I did but now I can't afford him anymore. Besides he didn't really help me at all. We usually ended up talking about books. Was a waste of money.

[Magic_star829]

Hi there,

 

I too totally know how you feel! The same thing happened to me, I don't know if you watch grey's anatomy or not but there is this one quote that the main character says at one point "....When I met you I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues who cared because I was done...." anyway I felt that way too, it seemed like I had found the one and things were great....then all of a suden like a ton of bricks....it's over! I seriously sat on my bed for hours just staring..I was so shocked! Now I'm in the anger stage and though still very heartbroken feel like COME ON....how many bad weeds will I have to sort through before finding that 'one'?! I've been trying to meet other guys already to try to mask the pain and forget him but it's not working ...maybe because it's too soon. Anyway I don't much have any words of wisdom but hope to make you feel better and not so alone (with my story Hang in there and trust that you will find someone great! Also as for keeping your guard up and being afraid to fall again and get hurt....well I once believed that too...the last guy I was with..he was the first guy that I ever loved, trully loved...I never would allow myself to fall and let my walls down and be true...and those relationships were not 1/4 as rewarding as the last one. Of course they hurt a hell of a lot less...but you can't expect to find something meaningful and deep if you yourself won't allow yourself to be that way. My two cents.

[need2bme]

I know you don't feel like trying. Neither do I, but I think after we stop beating ourselve up.

 

I hope the best, for us.