G/f starting college today - jealousy coming back a little

[netman]

Some of you know my story, and this forum has been my best help in suppressing my jealous thoughts, and I've been doing great until today.

 

Today my g/f starts her first day of the new semester back at her college. My g/f is really good looking, and I know for a fact that she'll be one of the best looking girls in all of her classes. I trust my g/f and everything else, but I can't help but think of when I was in college and I was gawking and staring at all the cute girls in class, and trying to start up conversations with the cute girls to test the waters and stuff. I can't get this picture out of my head of all these guys with their hormones out of wack gawking at her, or trying to approach her in class, or in the hallways, or in the lunch room, or in the bookstore. UGGGHHH!!!!

 

These thoughts have been bugging me since I woke up this morning and I can't stop thinking about it. I was doing so good until today I know that some of you guys might say that as long as I trust her I shouldn't be worrying and having this problem, but I can't help it and trusting her 100% doesn't seem to be enough. Anybody out there have any words that could help? Thanks!!!

[street]

i know where ur coming from, i trusted my ex but i still used to hate the thought of someone chatting her up and thinking they have a chance, trouble with her she was just too friendly and some blokes read it the wrong way...

 

anyway that wasn't the reason we split up, thats another story..

 

just block the thoughts out, u trust her so you have no worries about her doing anything, just don't bring it up as it will only make her mad...

 

just feel lucky that u have this girl...things will be ok

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Hi netman...I know how you feel, because i'm just like you only i'm a female. What I find to be the coolest thing is that your a man and you admit this kind of jealousy. Wow, because most men deny it. But trust me, all women even the ones who are told on a constant basis how gorgeous they are, dont always know that. If you want i will send you a picture ofme and my man. so you can see that I know what I'm talking about...trust me..I know from what he and his friends tell me..that i'm above average on the hottie scale. But I don't know that. Men approach me every day..."Hey you so fine, Eh girl, whats your name, you got a man" the whole nine yards and to be honest...the sh#@ is annoying. I wish people would leave me the hell alone. I'm happy with my man, I love him and no matter how many men approach me at this college, I wont give them a second thought. He knows me and I love him. Don't obsess overthis..i'm telling you, you really have nothing to worry about. Just treat her well and don't worry...she will hold true to you. Most of those college guys are gross anyways. Like I said if you think i'm lieing I'll send you proof.

[overcorrect]

In 1996 I sent my wife of 3 years out of town and off to OU because I wanted her to get a better education then what was offered in southwestern Oklahoma. I remained at my job and would visit her on the weekends and days off.

I was rarely jealous of new people and new friends she met. A riff developed between her and I and bad things did occur that caused betrayal, serious complications and discussions of divorce.

I tell you this story because I did and still do trust her. We are still married (she's a lawyer now) and we have worked past our differences and misunderstandings. The problems had run both ways in the relationship.

You are correct to assume that other guys will look at her. If she is as pretty as you say she is then they inevitably will. The deal is this; if she does take the bait from one of these guys you have to understand that if you two were honestly meant to work and both of you want to work it out, then it can be done. Been there, done that.

It is not her fault that some other guy thinks she's attractive so don't torture her with the jealousy and end up driving a wedge between you two.

College years are the years that people find themselves on a much deeper level and their view of what life should be and who should be in their life might change. The deal is that you adapt to the change she might go through and understand that sometimes people grow up and move on in life.

You will find that years down the line you will probably have a child go to college and you will be excited for them and the new possibilities that are opening up for them and the new life they are about to discover.

Not to say a relationship cannot survive from the pre-college life to the post-college life. Don't get me wrong, I married my wife when she was 18 and she went to college and law school and we only had that one problem just one time. We are still married and she and I are talking kids now. We are living proof that relationship survival can happen through college. She discovered herself in college and she truly is one awesome woman.

[pimpcess]

Hey Netman!

 

Aww Im sorry to hear you're having a hard time.

 

I just wanted to address the issue of you saying, you 'trust her 100%'.

 

I'm sorry, but that doesn't seem to be the case... I know you may say its the men you dont trust, but if you REALLY trusted her 100% I think you'd be confident that she's Your girlfriend because she wants to be with you, and that u wouldn't have to worry about these other guys.

 

I hope your girlfriends reassuring you, I think she will be. Have you been hurt or cheated on in the past?? Im thinking maybe yes, and I think you have your own issues with yourself that you need to address and banish. You need to work out your self issues separately from this relationship, because bringing them between you and your girlfriend will only cause more and more trouble.

 

Has your girlfriend gave u any reason to worry about the other men? If not, and you've both been entirely faithful, then you have a good healthy relationship, something u dont wanna lose because of your past. Like I said before, be proud, that this gorgeous, stunning, coca cola lady is yours!!

 

Feel free to Pm me or anything anytime.

 

But good luck, u can get through this!

[netman]

You need to work out your self issues separately from this relationship, because bringing them between you and your girlfriend will only cause more and more trouble.

Pimpcess, you're probably right. After giving this much thought, I guess I'm still hurting from being burned in the past. I try to let go of the past, but it's easier said than done and it's been more than 4 years now!! My g/f does assure me everyday of her love, loyalty, and trustworthyness, but it's hard to completely "let go" of the past. I do trust her deep down, but it's the thought of the other guys looking at her, and trying to make eye contact and conversation with her, and her possibly making eye contact back and the guys getting the wrong message even if her eye contact is innocent. I did read the book "Overcoming Jealousy" and it's helped me, but in my mind I'm obsessed with these thoughts when I should just be enjoying my life and my time with my girlfriend. People who suffer from this jealousy could probably relate to me.

 

From what you're reading, you're probably thinking that I'm the worst jealous boyfriend ever, but on the contrary I hold these thoughts to myself and I try my best to hold my tongue and not show my jealousy. But my progress is up and down. It was up recently, but her starting school brought it right back down. Sweetypie's words helped because she is a very attractive girl in college, which is similar to my g/f's situation.

 

Any other female out there have words about their reactions to men who stare, gawk, approach, try to pick up, etc.... Those kind of responses help out the most. Thanks to all who take the time to respond!!!

[simply complicated]

if theres one person that understands most about what your going through, it would be yours truly, man, i'll tell you, it's so hard to trust women now, f**kin persuasions work like a charm on most women, not all, so all the ladies reading this, don't hate me, but truthfully, i know EXACTLY, what you mean, i wanted the girl of my dreams, i found her, fell i love with her, she was all mine.....or was she....what about all those guys out there hitting on her....will her confidence overflow...will she think shes to good for me and leave, or will she CHEAT......AHHHHGGGGG. at this point, your head is literally up your a$$, but you know what, theres ways to get over this, it may sound f**ked at first but give it a shot, if you can. LOVE this woman the best you can when you are together, send her away floatin, make sure your face is in her mind at all times, and when your not together, you know, when shes in college or the salon or wherever the hell these go during they're spare time, don't think about her at all, pretend she's not even there, pretend she does'nt even exist, this way you think....who the f**k cares, it's a difficult task to master, but once you do, you're jealousy days are over...trust me