Hmmm...hooking up gone wild?

[Allie.]

Well, i got out of a really hurtful relationship in May of last year and with the man i actually loved. I've always been a fan of having a good time and taking things nice and breezy but i was actually serious with this guy...I'm over HIM but i'm not quite done healing yet.

 

Thats why, I don't want a serious relationship.... yet I miss the physical and sexual aspects of a relationship. I have been "hooking up" with a guy who's a year older..[he's a junior in college] and...last week, we got caught in the moment and clothes came off...i didn't let him get it...but he fingered me.

 

I felt disgusted when I came home because I didn't want things to go that far and I really don't want to continue hooking up with this guy. Before I begun this with him...we both agreed that we didn't want anything serious and today, I got a long voicemail from him saying how he was serious about me...

 

THAT SUCKS because I literally felt like i had to take a shower because i was so digusted by the thought of him touching me like that. In the beginning we both weren't serious...now he supposedly is...and I'm getting disinterested.

 

What to do fellas?

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I'm not sure there's anything more to do. You said you don't want to hook up with this guy anymore, and that's probably a good thing. In his mind he's thinking that a new level of intimacy has been reached, and is probably going to press for more in the future.

 

As for dealing with the animal urge inside... maybe a vibrator?

[Allie.]

actually, i haven't tried that...I'm sure that works but its just something that doesn't float my boat..cuz i'm in it for the heat and the feeling of another so close and against you...I dont know. I feel bad for him but I guess the best way to break it off...would be...hahaha...yeahh...thats where i'm clueless.

[Allie.]

I mean, what should I sayy..."I think we need to end whatever we had...because.....i just don't like the sexual aspect of this with you..." and he would probably counter the argument and say: "Its fine...lets NOT have sex...but still stay." and THATS where I got nothing. After last week...it all just died....the whole fingering deal was a major turn-off. Not because it was bad. It was okay at the time...but afterwards...separated from the emotional warp...i felt disgusted with him. as a whole.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

So how about something along the lines of "I realized after we hooked up last time that I'm honestly not interested in this anymore. Period. Hate me now, fine, but you'd hate me more if I kept the truth from you and this dragged on for months."

 

I mean, you can just explain yourself and if he gets it good, if he doesn't get it well at least you said your part honestly. What more could a person do?

[brando]

Allie,

 

I would just be upfront with thte guy. Tell him the way you spilled it out here.

Sometimes friends with benefits ends up with one person forgetting about the orignal agreement, no strings attached. I think this is the best way to let him know.

 

be well.

[Salucious]

Hey allie, I remember you posting around here and you always seemed like a nice girl with a lot of sense, so hear me out. Being a guy, I of course can understand having that need for physical intimacy like you described, even though I'm a virgin myself. But being a guy I know the kinds of guys out there and you REALLY need to be careful if you're having those kinds of urges. I don't see anything wrong with having a "sexual appitite" but if thats all you are looking for then you will probably only find all the wrong kinds of guys, cause they'll take advantage of you. You seem to have run into that fact already, by the way you described the experience. Like I said, I have no sexual experience but I believe if you wait for the kind of guy you can trust and have fairly strong feelings for then you will be able to safely satisfy those feelings. some people just need to be "close to another warm body" but maybe you are just intepreting it as physical intimacy and it is really more than that. I would worry about any female friend of mine that said she only missed the physical apsect of a relationship. Maybe I"m too old-fashioned but that would make me nervous, cause like I said you will most likely only attract the wrong kind of guys.

[Allie.]

I actually agree with you Salucious, I actually haven't had true "sex" with someone either but, I really miss being cuddled and the PHYSICAL aspect. and somehow that turned sexual because we were in the "heat of the moment". I do not plan on doing it again with anyone but I feel bad because this guy is into me now and its not the same. I'm more disinterested in him.