Depressed, wanting to die, end of rope

[Jitrenda]

Hey All!

 

None of my friends are online and i don't have a phone and i had to put this somewhere for fear i may do something drastic.

 

Well, i am not doing to good right now. I am horribly depressed, sad and scared out of my mind.

 

I want to go visit some of my old high school teachers tmrw, but i am terrified of running into my ex.

 

I am over him, i am just terrified of him, b/c he beat me.

 

He is in his second year of college and he is dating a 13 year old. And i really don't want to run into him, b/c what if he was picking up his little lolita?

 

I wouldn't talk to him i know that...but he would talk to me, he would get in my face.

 

I just don't know what to do.

 

I am also sad b/c the guy i like doesn't like me back (the poem guy).

 

I am having trouble handling two jobs, my body is run down and sick.

 

I just feel like i'm at the end of my rope. I just want to end it all.

 

I am just so tired of everything. Mainly i am tired of being afraid of a person who is soo desperate and stupid he would date a 13 year old.

 

But i guess i have good reason as he did physically abuse me.

 

Sorry guys. thx for listenin to me ramble.

 

I just don't know what to do, so lost in this crazy world, floating further and further away...one day it will end soon.

 

-jitrenda

[Fizz]

Have been thinking a lot for the past 20 min re reading your post to figure out what to say. you are better than him. you are a million times better than him. he is the dirt beneath ur shoe when you walk. the lil bug that hits ur car window when ur driving. i mean what kind of sicko picks up a 13 year old. he cant get anyone his own age please thats below sad. im so sorry he beat you /hug. it sounds to me like ur ex is just a power crazied freak which would explain the 13 year old and beating you. if you ended it now he would win. all those times he beat you yelled at you would just make him the winner. dont let him win, you can find the strength keep on moving to prove to him that you are better than him, that you will rise to the top. if not to be better than him then do it for yourself. we all have a fire inside and depression does put it out a lot but you can find the strength to keep moving. i know you have a lot of scars from your ex and running into him might make them all come back but you can do it. think about the great time you will have seeing all ur past teachers they will love seeing you. if you run into your ex i think you should just take a deep breathe and just not say anything to him. if he starts saying things to you dont respond. that will make him so mad when he sees that you are better than him that you wont even talk to him he will just run back to his 13 year old and you will have just won again. if he touches you in anyway you yell and send his ass to jail. about ur 2 jobs thing thats the pits we have all been there. i was a pizza man a bag boy and the guy serving up starbucks while taking some colege classes. infact the girl i was in love with didnt even care who i was. i can remember every night i wanted to just end it and maybe it would all go away. but i stuck by and found my fire finished college and have a decent job that gets me by with out a bunch of work. once you get past the stress with your two jobs and find one great one that you love life will be downhill. and you willget that job everyone does. and about the guy you like that dosnt like you back you may want to just start trying to get over him i wasted 11 months obbessing over one girl who i thought was the one but it turns out she wasnt and never will be, i know you think that if he just gave you that one chance it would all be right but thats not true. "No one is worth crying over. The only one who is wont make you" all i can keep saying is that dont give up there are lots of people that would cry if you were gone, hell i know i would and i dont even know you. i know what your feeling and it took me a long time to get over it but dont take the easy way out its just cheating ur self. its late so if this post doesnt make sense im sorry i hope this post helps you find your strength *hug* *cheek kiss*

[Teal]

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself!

 

You are much better than you think you are!

Don't let a jerk like that pull you down...

It's hard sometimes, and often, a lonely journey,

but you must realize that you are much stronger than that.

 

I know how it feels, but the guy is a creep...Trust me,

if a person truly loves you, then he would treat you like

gold, not like dirt.

 

Beating you up, shows a signs of disrespect, and once

a guy disrespects you, he has labled you as someone

who he chooses to take advantage of for the rest of his life.

 

He knows that he can get away with anything, even if he

wanted to cheat on you, he probably will, and figures that

you'll be okay with it.

 

Main point, it sounds like you have a good heart, you

don't need him, someone else better needs you.

 

So, invest your love wisely...Take care...

[Go_samurai_monkey]

Everything that has been said is very true your a wonderful person and don't let the fact he abuse you get in the way of what you want to do. I say go tomorrow to that highschool and if you really feel scared maybe take along a close friend with you that's always a good boost to have. Wow I have to say you have a lot of strength to even put up with two jobs. I get tired of just having to deal with one part time job. It would be inhuman of you not to feel tired and worn out just don't give up. As for this guy you like well spend forever obessing about a guy who doesn't like you. You miss the guys who really do care about you for who you are and they usually just right under your nose all along wherever you least expect it. So don't hurt yourself just go ahead and try to cheer yourself up. I say do something extra special for yourself or do something slightly out of your normal routine to make life special because you certainly desereve to feel special. =)

[mr_ripley]

If nothing is worth living for then surely it isn't worth dying for either?

 

Take it from someone who attempted suicide when in his late teens, nothing is worth dying for. We all go through bad patches and usually when we come out the other side we are stronger and generaly better people.

 

 

Trust me, this time will pass.

[White Rider]

hey,

i know what ur talking about and as a matter of fact i have the same proplem, there is the girl that i use to like , now im totaly over her and i moved to unvirsity around, sometimes i dont wanna go back to my town just so i wont have to pass next to there house and bump into here, somtimes i use the longest wirdest roads in order to avoid even the posibilty of running into here, i mean im totaly over here but still i dont wanna see her or talk to her till the rest of mylife, i can tell you what i think about the subject, maybe its only becouse you think that he lift you why he shouldnt,i mean u think that you are much beter than the person he is with right now, he is so depressed that he takes a 13 years old girl, look at it, he left u for someone else that is i dont know what, shortly he doesnt deserve to be with you, why losing your entire life and get into deep depression for someone how doesnt deserve even a look of ur eyes, the guy doesnt worth it, doesnt worth the pain ur having, and defently doesnt worth ur life, common think about it

i do really know how, u feel, i bet you know the feeling of even thinking about bumping into him, but i can tell you one thing for sure taht you are much stronger than you think you are, his pass history, act like he doesnt exist,just think that they guy doesnt worth and convince ur self, ur worth more than him, ur beter than him

i might not be much help and im aint that good adviser but i can say about myself that i am improved a little bet, i mean i still never wanna run into her but i have putten faith on myself that i really will be able to keep my self together if i did, i'll pass the moment without having that feeling, i may feel later but the main thing, i wont let her feel that im touched in any away by seeing here

i really hope u'll get out of this couse i really know it feel like hell

dont be shy to pm or talk to me in messnger or icq, i'll be glad to do any help possible

[Amberfire]

Dearest Jitrenda,

WHOAH WHOAH hold up here! Nothing can be that bad to end your life, is that what you'd want to be remembered by?! You ended your life for a guy!!?!?

Think of the things you are grateful for now! You let the negativity swarm over you like the plague! You have so much to live for sweetie! Honey guys come and go, you deserve better! So the poem guy didn't like you back so what! It's not the end of the world! Your life is what you make of it!

It all starts with positive thinking and action, you can turn things around, you just let it all come at once when you can't handle it. There's always a bright side to every thing dear. That's what it all starts with, your body,if you are run down and tired get some rest, excercise, get on some vitamins. If your body can't hold up physically how could you handle things emotionally?? I do hope you called the cops on that guy?! That's horrible!

In essense this world is at peace we just make it crazy with issues which quite frankly aren't important at all.

Okay a man who is dating a 13 year old is seriously demented, and the poem guy oh dear there are plenty of fish in the sea!! Take care of your self and things will turn around sweetie I promise. If you need anyone to talk to I'm always here, we're all here! But please do something stupid, it's not worth it and believe me I've been there myself. You are here for a reason, you have work to do!

 

Be Well,

Amberfire

[lauralied]

Jitrenda--

 

Keep your chin up. Never let another person dictate how you feel about yourself.

 

Maybe this guy abused you once, but you've learned from it and now it's time to show you're stronger than you were.

 

Remember, you're never alone. You're not the only one who feels this way. And you honestly will feel better, probably sooner than you think.

 

NEVER give up! (We are all here to help if you need it. . .and we want for you to succeed).

 

wishing the best for you,

Laura