Love without Committment???

[shizznit]

Hello

 

I have been in a serious relationship with this girl since the past 3 and a half years. We have had our ups and downs. To start with, we both are 23 yrs old and have known each other for 7 yrs and have studied together in da same institue for 2 and a half years!

 

 

There was a phase when i got drunk on a party and ended up cheatin on her by seein 2 girls at the same time. I felt bad about it and told her the truth in within 2-3 days!. She took her time and gave me a second chance!. N i have never loved anyone as much as i love her!

 

There was another phase when she met her ex after 3 years of bein in touch with him because he was in town and she ended up kissin him and holdin hands with him and told him she still loves him!! And after 13 days of questioning she finally told me about cheatin on me. She said she was meetin him after long so her mind had stopped workin and that she wasnt thinkin about anything. She said that it was just a bad day when she became really weak! She said she wants to be wid me!! It took me 8 months to get over this. She broke all contacts with her ex. Stopped recievin his calls. Or replyin to him in any kind of way. I no i can trust her because her ex, me and my girl had a very mature talk on this topic online!.

 

Well we both have been good and bad in this relationship. With time, we both have become really attatched. And are totally in love. The level of trust is at its max!

 

Now a week back, We had wat u can call, the most important discussion. She said she does not want any commitment from now on because she is not sure wat the future holds for her. She is not sure where she ill be. And she is not sure whether her parents will be ok with this relationship rite from the beginning because her parents are a lil weird! (They gave away her 7 yr old dog because they thought it was brinigin bad luck!! so they have really diff views compared to normal people!)

 

She said this is her last relationship because in another 2 years.. her parents want her to get married( Again they want her to get married to a guy of their choice.. its really complicated). So she does not want me to get attached to her because she doesnt want me to get hurt in the future if her parents dont allow her to move in with me and eventually.. marry me! she said if after 2 yrs.. we still feel the same about each other, Then we'ill surely get rite back on track.

 

Its been a week since we decided that we ill be there for each other and we ill be in a relationship.. but we ill cut out da commitment. So we broke up! I am not understandin wat kind of a relationship am i in now. No commitment, But we are not goin to see anyone else. No future plans, But we are still in love!!. Is this idea goin to work?. Frankly speakin, I dont see any change in our behaviour, We still have sex, We still have long chats on da phone. The only diff i can see is that i am no more feelin the attachment i used to feel in the past. Suddenly we both seem to be very excited everytime we meet or talk on the phone!. This is going over my head!. I can feel no attatchment. We are in love!. But... No committment? I really cant see any diff..

 

Just help me out. Y did we break up when we doin everything that couples do?? Y did we break up when we have no plans of seein anyone else??

 

This is a very confusin discussion and i am hopin for the older members of this forum to help me out!!.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Shizznit - Welcome to ENA!!

 

I don't know if I qualify as an "older member of this forum" or not, but I'munna give it a go anyway.

 

I think she's confused, upset and bound by the traditions of her culture. Labeling the relationship as one without commitment just helps her make the separation in her mind. She knows how she feels about you, she knows she likes hanging out with you but she WAS,, maybe still is a little hurt, but also doesn't want to hurt you if and when her parents marry her off.

 

It is a very confusing and emotionally complicated situation you're in and I personally would not do well there. I would need more definition, structure and direction.

 

Some I know would do much better just going with the flow of things and waiting the 2 years to see what happens.

 

What would YOU prefer?

 

If you need more of a promise of the future, you need to step up and say so, cut your losses and move on.

 

Or - if you feels she's worth the wait, put in the time she's asking for and see what happens. The choice is yours.

 

Just make sure your decision is made clear to her.

 

Good luck dude.

[Momene]

Tell her you're going to see how things go for 2/3 months (NOT 2 years) and then decide whether you are going to move forward with your plans or move on.

[shizznit]

Hey!!

 

Sorry everyone. Was just too caught up with life to come and post again

 

Recent update She had promised me this would never happen but it was her ex's birtday yesterday and she called him up and wished him. I am fine with that. But yesterday i told her not to wish him because i am not ok with it and that i dont want things to heat up between yall again, and she was like "I dont have to ask anyone whether i should wish him", "y should i ask you, we already broke up dint we?"

 

I dont understand this. Is this y she broke up with me? So she could do whatever she wanted to? I thought it was mutual and that she would respect the fact that i dont want her and her ex to get back in touch!! She says she dint get back in touch with him, She just wished him. And that even if she ever meets him, Its going to be clean friendship. Now its starting to affect me. After all the pain i took to get over the fact that she cheated on me, She has all plans of gettin back in touch with her ex and now i cant even stop her because according to her, We broke up!!