Making a Break, Living Alone

[naiveme]

Hi,

 

Bit of background here. I'm a guy in my mid 20s still living with parents but drive 1.5 hours to work every day and the same back - 3 hours in total. Now I can see this having an affect on my life as I can often be quite tired all the time. But there are other issues.

 

I am pretty sure I need to make the break and move closer to work and rent my own place. But I am not finding it that simple to do. I cannot understand why because I do not even go out when I am at home, and have no friends in my home town. I just come home from work and stay at home all the time - weekend is the same - all day at home. All the friends I do have are online and live nowhere near me. My only concern really I suppose is leaving parents as they are my only physical and emotional connection with my town.

 

Basically I suppose all I am looking for is advice on making this break and living alone (I do not think sharing is an option as I do know anyone and I could only live with someone I got on with). I see it as a big step and just need some kind of reassurance it will work.

 

Generally I am not happy with life because I do not have close by friends either. There is no real hope of developing genuine friendships with people in my town (it is a small area and I do not really fit in and kind of out of the loop so to speak). It may be possible to develop friends in a new area but I am kind of concerned I will just turn into a hermit in a new town (but without parents so be totally alone). I do not know if I have the confidence or self esteem to go out and make that friends. I am not really sure. If I did start to make friends at least I would have a place of my own to invite friends to - share a few drinks and catch a movie, watch the sport etc which I cannot do at parents.

 

Does anyone have any tips advice on making the break and living alone for the first time? Or more specifically on my 'issues' in relation to it?

 

Thanks very much for reading this and any advice/input is greatly appreciated.

[Dako]

I sure understand the feeling.

 

One thing that strikes me is how isolated people will make assumptions about people they don't know.

 

THose folks in another area seem unapproachable because you may be projecting your assumptions on them. People are surprisingly unpredictable, and you may meet someone special anywhere, anytime.

 

A few years ago, My mother was moved from her house to a retirement home. She spent weeks locked in her room cryng and telling me the rest of the residents were too snooty or different to accept her. In time she emerged from her room and discovered she's not so different from the rest of them, and now has dozens of close friends to enjoy, after living alone in a dark house with a TV for a decade since Dad died.

 

I recently moved into a home by myself, and am trying to meet people nearby and enjoy it. I haven't lived alone since 1981, so it's a shock sometimes even for me, but it is a liberating feeling to walk around naked playing my bad harmonica or whatever I please. It's a growth experience even for an old guy.

 

I think you should look forward to th epluses of the freedom and space you'll gain. Your own fridge, your own food, furniture and identity are bonuses.

 

BTW, I ended up working part time for the realtor that found me this house.

 

 

I feel so good cooking dinner my own way, with a bottle of wine, some tunes and nobody asking questions.

[Psylocke]

Been there, am there now. It can be a frightening choice to make but honestly there's a huge feeling of pride when you make it on your own. It's like "yeah this is MY place, I decorated it, I cooked my own dinner and I keep it clean or try to. It's great to have people over without the parents around.

 

This is all part of maturing/growing up and a perfectly normal feeling. Make the break but just make sure you are within your budget when finding a place and you should be fine.

[robowarrior]

I was a very lonely person but one night i had a dream

 

" i was with my family and confronted my uncle with my lonelyness. He said ' if you don't want to be alone, you have to step towards the people"

 

Best darn piece of advice i ever had in a dream. And its true, no action = no reaction. So its important to understand its an investment you have to make from your side. A relationship costs time, so be sure you have that before you initiate one.

 

So its not just about moving to your own space, i mean lets face now you still have your parents, if you goto that appartment you'll be more alone then ever. But it would be good if you where to be in an environment where you have loads of oppertunity to meet people, a city provides a lot of people (shutting yourself off from the bad is a good decision) while you can open yourself up to nice folks.