I think I may have found him.

[millaj]

For privacy reasons, I will call him Alex.

 

I met Alex through my parents back in Nov '05. My father is in AA and so is he, so he was at my mother's b-day party. I didn't notice him then, but then in Dec. he was at my parents house working on their pc. He looked at me and smiled and I didn't think anything, I only went on with my life. So he ended up coming over at Christmas, and asked me out. My parents were all excited about it, and they told me that I should b/c I never know he could be the man of my dreams. I was hesitant, and resistant, but we went out on a date to look at Christmas lights.

 

At this point I was already interested in someone else, and I wasn't interested in him b/c he wasn't my type, and I also was really into this other person. So we agreed to be friends and just hang out. We went out all the time, movies, he was always the one to pay b/c I'm in a bad financial situation, but he is just a really kind person. After a couple of months, I encouraged him to go on myspace to meet girls b/c he just couldn't grasp the idea of me not wanting to date him. He met a chick, and they moved really fast. Seemed that she was trying to control him and change him, so we lost contact and got into a little argument over something he gave me that he wanted back b/c he said he didn't give it to me, when really he did. So I didn't talk to him for months.

 

My relationship progressed over the months and my girlfriend moved in with me. She has lived here since July and over the months I have realized that it isn't going to work. I have different wants and needs that she can't fullfill. She loves and respects me enough that she let me go, and we are still living together, but she understands that it's ok for me to date other people if I want to now. So the other day I was on instant messenger talking to Alex, b/c over the past few months we have gotten to be friends again. Him and that girl are broken up but living together, and he is trying to move out.

 

Yesterday I had an awakening, and I am starting to think I should give him a chance. He is a good man, and we have a few things in common. The most important is that we have the same cultural background, like the same type of music, and both want a family eventually. I have to admit I didn't really give him a chance b/c he wasn't black and I have always dated black men even though I am not black myself. He and I are the same hispanic nationality, and I am starting to think that it may be good for me to give him a chance and see what comes from it. All the other things I have been doing in my life have not been working out for me, and all the men that I have been meeting have always played with my mind, and used me for sex. He on the other hand I know is not like this.

 

It's weird for me b/c he doesn't think of it, and just looks as us as friends b/c I totally pushed him to that. He still drops hints that he likes me, and flirts with me, but I am not sure what will happen if I tell him that I want to give him a chance. I don't want to rush into it, but I just want to start hanging out with him more and feeling him out to see if it would work. We talked for a while today, and he and I are going to the movies. I think today will be a good day to start opening myself up to him a little more.

 

What do you guys think? Should I? - Part of me is wanting something super in my life, and I may have been looking at him as if he couldn't give it to me. But in the end, life is so short, and I really just want someone to love me and who wants the same things as me.

 

I need some advice.

[robowarrior]

- Make up your mind.

 

The thing is a lot of people are being put in a position of being insecure because you don't make clear decisions, nor do you make clear intentions of who or what you want.

 

When a person comes to you and wants to date you they possibly want a relationship. And personally i think you are keeping these people on a line, and i think it takes too long, as you are keeping those people's lives on a halt including yourself. You know you are insecure if you really want something with these people or not, and they are insecure on wether you want something with them or not.

 

So my first question.

 

Are you really in love with Alex? I mean is he something you want because it is convienant for you? Convienant feelings for someone as long as it suits you correctly?

 

I mean personally i think if you really 'fall' for someone, you know for sure that you love and want to be with that person. I also think that you are so busy with all the issues you have in your mind that you are unable to determine who you really want.

 

You know you should consider yourself as Robin Hood who has to hit the target in the bullseye ,whilst avoiding hitting all the useless trees. Waiting too long, and the target might get out of sight.

 

So make sure on what you want in your life.

 

Personally i think that if you really love Alex, that you should give him a chance.

[millaj]

Robowarrior. I had to read your post a couple times to fully understand what you were getting to. It makes a lot of sense though. It is true that I am insecure and not sure what I really want. Everytime I have ever wanted someone so bad, they haven't wanted me back, so I feel that maybe I am playing it safe and giving a chance to those who want me, even if I am not fully sure if it will work out in the long haul.

 

It is convenient for me now to love Alex, because when he was trying to get with me, I was already dating someone else. I broke up with my girlfriend b/c I realized that it was something else I wanted, and that I was holding her back on meeting someone who could fully give her what she wanted, and same for me. She loved me enough to let me go, and I have never lied or been dishonest about anything. She knows exactly what the deal is, because we have talked about it and thought it through over a long period of time, and now we made the decision.

 

Who I truly want is Sam and he doesn't want me. My love is unrequited *sp*, and he knows that I love him and tries to be my friend, and I covered up how I felt for him b/c I was with this woman who treated me like a queen. I still want him, but I have to move on. I have to move on and give people who like me a chance, instead of holding on to a dream that does not exist. Alex wanted me, and we have been friends off and on for long enough that I got to see that he really is a good guy and that I should give him a chance. I don't know if I love him or not, and I can't possibly know that unless I open myself up to spending more time with him, and then seeing if I fall in love.

 

Hopefully that clarified up any gaps in my last post. I am still very open to hearing your and anyone elses opinions, because frankly I am not very good at this love stuff. I'm confused, and helpless in this department.

 

Thanks,

M