Too Shy

[Anelfinphile]

Hi, I'm new. I was actually doing a Yahoo! Search on "finding one's soulmate," and I was introduced to this site through the search.

 

I think if I were to catergorize myself, I am TOO shy. I'm not saying that for attention or as a cop-out. I really am too shy. I'm 33 and I find it difficult to open up to the opposite sex, so difficult that it makes me worse off from the beginning. It eats at me that I can't open up, and I don't know what to do. I want to find Ms. Right, but I just don't know anymore. It's eating me alive. I know that someone will reply and say, you can't look for her. I've done this, and I really don't date to begin with. I'm that shy. And, I'm well aware of my sexual orientation. There is no doubt about that. I'm not confused with this at all.

 

This isn't one of those pity party things. I really feel helpless and as I said, I'm 33 and still haven't found Ms. Right.

[doyathink]

HI...have you ever dated? Do you go out? where?

[Anelfinphile]

I rarely go out. If I do, it's on my own. I'll go to Borders myself; have something to drink in the coffee shop. I don't really do the bar/club scene; only sometimes. I don't usually participate in social events anyhow. I have tried before. They don't work out and I'm never invited out again. Most of the time, it's because I'm not normally invited in the group and I don't force myself to be invited somewhere, but on other occasions, I guess it's a fear. Maybe, I'm not invited because I usually say No or make up a lame excuse. But, the fear is still there. I know that's not a good start. I don't really consider myself fun or "up with crowds." I'm not mainstream, maybe old fashioned. Overall, I've been told I'm unique. I don't have the same interests as the mainstream. I guess that would be considered boring.

[doyathink]

You need to try to muster up some courage to get out there if you want to meet that special someone.

 

Think of a place that you would like to go...somewhere where you will feel comfortable.

[Haven]

Maybe you are looking for 'Ms. Right.' If you're automatically considering every female you meet to be a potential 'Ms. Right,' then that could put a lot of pressure on you, keeping you from opening up and being yourself. You could maybe try consciously forcing yourself to see each new female as a potential friend, or just as someone that you're going to meet once and never see again.

 

There are many possibilities out there.. you could try online dating sites, the classifieds, singles events, etc. You may have a fear of putting yourself out there and trying new things -- but you may also have a fear of being alone for the rest of your life. At some point you have to be willing to risk getting hurt in the short run, in order to prevent yourself from the greater hurt of never finding someone. If you want to Ms. Right, you have to put yourself out there and meet people. Think of it as building a network.. any acquaintance you make may known someone who is your Ms. Right. Good luck.

[Anelfinphile]

I don't plan on trying online dating. eHarmony was enough. I got back a reply from their database saying I was an "incompatible match for their databases." Imagine that. I have a myspace account, but that's it really.

 

I just don't understand why I have few friends and I'm usually "overlooked" in groups. I'm not that bad of person to get to know, and I consider myself somewhat good-looking, charming or interesting (and I'm only saying this with modesty). I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not to fit into a group of people.

[Altruist]

I just don't understand why I have few friends and I'm usually "overlooked" in groups.

 

Try going to church. Its easier to meet friendly people there who will respect you for who you are. Try not to have such a negative opinion of yourself. When you don't love yourself, its somehow subconsciously projected to those around you and that makes them avoid you. Be cheerful and practice smiling to yourself in the mirror. It will rub off on those around you. I am sure you must be good at something: use any talent that you may have to meet others with similar talents. That way you will share ideas and make friends, which could eventually lead to you finding a soulmate.

For the momment, the most important thing is for you to learn to love yourself first.

[barbarella]

I think confidence is the key. You really need to work on that before you can ever think about meeting your soulmate. There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a confident man. I agree with tronix, practise smiling to yourself and tell yourself that you are going to have a good day, and reward yourself for making an effort. Over time this will change the way you think and women will naturally radiate towards you, you just need to start believing in yourself first.

[insofar]

I don't plan on trying online dating. eHarmony was enough. I got back a reply from their database saying I was an "incompatible match for their databases." Imagine that. I have a myspace account, but that's it really.

That's not saying much. eHarmony rejects a fifth of the people who take that test. And a lot of people are saying that they have horrible customer service anyway. Try link removed, free and IMHO has a better matching system.

[cabagge]

I agree about the confidence, If you love and accept yourself ...people will notice it then seeing you on the same way you do.

Any ways, you seem to me that you are letting time past by without making any proper move and giving the excuses to the HOW SHY I AM, everybody has one shy side i guess....so go for it!...find the Ms. Right....if you really want to!

[shy2cool]

I go to Borders before work sometimes - I work in the evenings. I see some nice looking girls reading sometimes, I wish I could talk to them!

[cabagge]

HEY!...so you are that cute guy i see some mornings at Borders.. come on talk to me!

[Anelfinphile]

I go to Borders before work sometimes - I work in the evenings. I see some nice looking girls reading sometimes, I wish I could talk to them!

 

I know what you mean. They're usually with guys or with their kids. No, I'm not just saying that for an excuse unfortunately.

 

Thank you for the comments in this thread. As far as confidence, I know a lot of people where confidence CAN be a weakness, to the point where it blinds the individual of the truth around them. I guess there has to be some sort of equilibrium where being confident doesn't mean being oblivious to the truth about certain matters. I know guys who are confident as can be and then know their mates who cheat on them. So, I suppose what you are all aiming at in this topic is an equilibrium with confidence. Does that make any sense?

[Joneysnai]

don't try the personals sites, just go on myspace, join the hundreds of clubs there and u will start meeting girls online. the more you chat with people, the more confidence u will have built up (did that make sense). it may not be your aim on meeting women online but myspace is a good start. u can even add me! and i'll show u how easy it is hehe.

[shy2cool]

Myspace is useless to him because people on those sites only want to either 'show off' how many friends they have, or get in touch with long, lost friends. Being a random is no good, especially if he is looking for love.

[Anelfinphile]

I have to agree with shy2cool. He hit the nail on the head. I do admit I have a myspace account though. I'll even amplify a little. I don't like when I see a "New Friend's request" either, because 90% of the time, it's just random "user" spam whose profile ends up not existing by the end of the week. Nice. I don't have very many friends in my list, so I don't use it for accumulating either. The people I have there are old High School contacts, local friends or co-workers. I understand the bigger your network is, the chances are greater for meeting someone, but I doubt that applies online over the Internet. I think networking works better in personal everyday life.

 

Ah well. I do agree with the confidence factor to an extent. I can be humorous and witty as well; so, I've been told.