ex with someone few days after break up..

[fadedocean]

im actually feeling pretty good in myself since i broke with my ex, i would like anothers opinion on something though.

 

i was together with her for nearly 3 years, we loved each other alot although we had a few problems here and there but we could always talk. she broke up with me in august right after her birthday, i was gutted but i left it alone, she got back in contact with me a few months later claiming she still loved me and missed me and was willing to give us another go.

 

so we started 'working things out' basically we were together about 3 weeks again, when she called me and said it wasnt working out, and thought we should 'leave it alone' again i was gutted but i instantly went NC, i just couldnt face her again and all the trouble. this was basically just before new years eve, on new years day i met up with a friend of mine who also was a friend of hers, and she told me that she had a new boyfriend, at first i was shocked and i asked her when this was, and she told me a date that was basically 2 days after we split, i was basically floored by this and i felt completely worthless, so i called her breaking the NC but i didnt care. I thanked her sarcastically for not telling me about this new guy and she told me that she didnt leave me for him, and that she always loved me and still does, its just different, and she is happy now and thats all she wants for me.

 

to be honest i think she needs help if she can start a relationship straight after she told me she didnt need a relationship right now, i havent spoken to her since that evening nearly 2 weeks ago, but i have my odd days where i think about her......

 

i dont know what anyone can say, but is it possible to be happy in another relatioship 2 days after breaking with someone you apparently love? because it just made me feel completely used and worthless in myself.

[vandgsmom]

It was probably someone she met in the months that you two were on break from each other. It is highly likely that this person wasn't interested in a commited relationship with her until they saw her (or heard about her being) with you.

 

Same principle as kids playing in the sandbox. No one wants the toy until someone else has it.

 

It hurts, but you may have just been the bait to lure him in for her...

Possibly?

[ebsmith1]

This is actually quite common. My ex is living with someone now and the first time I saw them together was three days after the end of our engagement. Chances are, he was with her before we broke up and maybe that's the case with your ex. Some people cannot be alone and your ex may be one of those people. It doesn't mean she didn't love you or that your relationship wasn't real, it just means that she cannot be alone and face her roll in the problems you two had. I know just how painful it is to see this though. I've never hurt so much in my life when I realized what was happening. Just realize that in your case it is probably a rebound and things are happy now, but it's just a honeymoon phase.

[4answers]

A persons feelings do not go overnight, and quite often the person who wishes to end the relationship has had these feelings for some time. The other person might be totally unaware of this and so when the end of the relationship comes they have to deal with the emotional loss.

 

The dumber has already gone through this and because for what ever reason they were unhappy their emotional connection was already weak. It is for this reason why they appear to be able to move on very rapidly. Though that in reality this is not the case, they might have begun moving on a long time ago !

 

Remember that for some reasone the emotional connection between you to failed, no ones fault, you may not be sole mates ! You are now going through the loss of the emotional interest which is very hard, especailly since the other person has found another.

 

REMEMBER. She did love you, but it just did not work out. That means others will to.

 

Take care

4answers.

[eleanorrigby1]

same thing happened to me. boyfriend dumped me on the friday, by the monday he was referring loudly infront of my friends to "My new girlfriend said this blah blah" I asked my friend what she had heard and she said "oh he met her on the saturday night..." I thought to what i was doing that saturday night, the day AFTER he had removed my heart and stamped on it and i had spent it lay on the floor of my friends bathroom crying and moaning in pain while she poured large quanties of wine down my throat while my other two friends just sat and chain smoked saying "He'll be sorry.."

 

it hurt so bad. then I thought 'girlfriend' it didnt add up, turns out she was someone 'one the scene' for a while before we broke up.

 

i dont know what happened with you, we can only assume, but it hurts to feel replaced.

 

im sure you arent replaced though she has merely moved on. you will in time, once the hurt starts to heal.

 

it took me two years! so give yourself the time and space you need to heal. NC!!!

[fadedocean]

thanks for the replies guys.

 

the guy she started dating is someone she works with, what made it unbelievable is she only started working there 2 weeks before we broke up, i even went to his house with her once at christmas when we were 'working things out' , because he invited us.......i didnt see anything going on then, and maybe there wasnt, but i mean she had only known the guy 2 weeks and only at work.

 

and now she says she is 'really happy', i dont know...

 

i feel ok, i get on with my life and i can sleep at night (something i couldnt do when we broke up the first time) maybe the whole fact that she is seeing someone else is Closure in my mind.

 

i just miss her thats all, as a partner and as a friend, but i cant bring myself to talk to her or even see her

[eleanorrigby1]

wow!! so right!! looking back i wish i had had you to talk to three years ago!!

 

great advice

[fadedocean]

too right, it shows you how much you miss in the heat of a relationship doesnt it?

 

im sure the signs are always there, and i bet they're trying to tell you in their own way, but you just end up being blind to the signals.

 

keep posting on this please, its nice to hear peoples opinions other than my own lol.

 

cheers

[JoeWho]

Same thing happened to me mate. We were together for almost ten years and it was great for the first 7 years. Then she dumped me and she was with this new guy a few weeks after we broke up and living together two months after we broke up. Looking back she started getting over our relationship almost two years before we finally broke up (the signs were there but I ignored them). That is how they so easily move on right after ending a LTR. They have been getting over it for a long time before the actual break happens and sometimes they make sure they have something lined up before they oficially end it. True that some people can not stand to be alone. I think it is a tough thing to deal with and I still hate thinking about her being with someone else, but on the bright side at least I never had any false hope of us getting back together.

 

A lot of times I think that a horrible break up is eaiser to get over in the long run than an amicable one. Sure it hurts a lot more, especially immediately after breaking up but false hope is much worse and NC comes naturally when you are gutted.

[rosie76]

Sorry this happened to you. Once happened to me with a guy I had dumped - not because I didn't love him, but because the relationship just didn't work. After a year of him telling me how much he cared and giving so much attention that it was suffocating, he was with someone new in a really serious way and very keen for me to hear about it within a few weeks. I know I had no right to feel upset, but when you've been so close to someone it really hurts to feel they can seem that close to just anyone.

 

Remember you've got the history with her, though, and you don't know what the situation is on her side right now. Trying to figure it out will only hurt you more. Good luck feeling better.

[fadedocean]

cheers guys,

 

'JoeWho'

you're definatly right about NC happening naturally after you find out something like that, i didnt go NC because i wanted to make her feel bad or miss me etc, i just couldnt face talking to her, seeing her or hearing her talking about her new 'partner' like i had been just a friend for the past 3 years.

 

its a weird feeling that i have, its like i can still get on with things, but i still think about her every now and then, and when i do, i just wonder.

[BigSyke]

i feel your pain, trust me, read my post, my girl slept with a random guy 8 times so far, 3 times in front of a crowd, i dont even know if were broken up or not, she just wont talk to me.