Should I go or should I leave it

[martyj]

I broke with my ex gf in October 06. The usual contact kept going drunken texts declaring undying love and random nasty texts that I am not proud of.

 

My dilemma is that I asked to meet her and she said that she would only meet me if our mutual friend came along.

 

I would like to be friends with her but secretly I know i still love her. Is there any point in arranging to meet her as I think it is a little embarrassing having to ask the mutual friend to come along as she wont meet me alone.

 

I have never been violent towards her or anything bad so i find it weird that she wont meet me alone.

 

I am in two minds whether to go for it as a good meeting might result in things being better going forward and if i dont go for it then things will probably stay the same.

 

Your thoughts and opinions are appreciated.

 

Thanks

Marty J

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

 

I can only speculate but perhaps she is concerned that there might be awkward silences when you guys meet?

 

If you would like to converse with her privately w/o the mutual friend, would you consider talking to her on the phone first until she, perhaps, feels more comfortable to meet you face to face w/o the mutual friend to discuss these matters w. you?

[martyj]

Thanks Ellie2006

 

I think maybe she doesnt want to talk about the relationship.....

 

I am happy to talk on the phone as I dont want things to remain this way. I think she doesnt have the feelings I do so, I would just like to make things smooth as you never know what might happen in the future.

[lucy1981]

Hello!

 

Can you clarify a couple of things... who ended the relationship? Also, do you want to get back with her or just move forward as friends?

 

Ta

L xx

[Ellie2006]

Martyj,

 

I see that it's been roughly 3 months since you guys broke up; have you tried doing NC? If not, would you consider giving it a go for the time being, anyway ....

 

This time and space will allow her to recover from the breakup as well as the text messages that you sent post breakup.

 

It will also allow you to gain clarity on your stance on the relationship and what you would like to do in regards to the relationship.

 

If after a period of NC you decide you still want to pursue a relationship w/ her, perhaps then you can ask her to meet w/ you so that you can share some of the things you have been thinking about during NC.

 

What do you think?

[martyj]

It was ended after an argument so a bit of both and things were said that shouldnt have been so i think she is still furious about it.

 

I want her back but I dont think that will happen but a friendship is better for me than nothing.

 

Thanks Lucy1981

[martyj]

Hi Ellie2006

 

I have done the NC bit at periods of 3 weeks etc so dont have a problem with that.

 

I think for me its a case of just not having this feeling anymore and establishing a friendship with her.

[Ellie2006]

Hi Marty,

Sorry for the multiple posts but I wanted to point out this last thing:

If you still secretly love her, it will be (maybe not impossible BUT) extremely difficult and painful for you to try and be her friend.

 

I understand, though, that sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do and you might choose to remain friends with her, despite the pain it might cause you. BUT if you guys were meant to be friends, you can STILL salvage the friendship after you've healed some more.

 

If your ex says she needs the presense of a mutual friend when in company w/ you, IMHO, I do not believe she is ready for a friendship either at this juncture (sorry if this sounds harsh ...

 

How about giving both of you some more time before you two decide "together" that you would like to pursue a friendship?

[martyj]

thanks Ellie2006

 

I think maybe you are right maybe it is best to do NC and at some point we will obviously cross each others paths again.

 

Thanks for your advice

 

Marty J